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Original poster

To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

439 replies

Hopingforbetterluck · 03/05/2024 22:26

I’ve just had enough. WW3 started because we came back from holiday on Sunday, I’ve not had a chance to wash my hair since then, busy unpacking, washing, WFH, life with 2 small DC. Last night I wanted to have a shower and wash my hair and for DH to put tea in while I did that once the kids were in bed. Apparently I’m a twt, a c*t, a bitch. A real woman would have dinner on the table every night. He smashed around the kitchen making a sht tea as he put it.

He says I should be having a shower at lunch time while eldest DC is at nursery and youngest is asleep but I’ve worked overtime this week and not had chance not to mention the fact I’d rather have a shower at the start or end of the day. He says it’s my poor time management that’s caused this argument and me and my attitude can sleep on the sofa tonight. I’m just so heartbroken that my life has come to this. My dad and no other man in my life would ever dream of speaking to me like this yet this is who I’ve ended up with.

OP posts:
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5
MandEmummy · 04/05/2024 01:10

Perhaps you don't have small children? What a ridiculous thing to say. I manage to wash my hair twice a week and it's deffo longer than 5 mins. It probably takes about an hour with drying and brushing and conditioning etc. Plus she literally said she prefers it in the evening. What are you even on about, are you a man?

SnowFrogJelly · 04/05/2024 01:08

L T B

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/05/2024 01:06

MonsterMunched · 03/05/2024 22:28

It’s a crap way to talk to you but it take 5 minutes to have a shower and wash hair so it hard to believe you haven’t been able to do that for a week.

First class victim blaming. Five minutes? Seriously, you think that's ok?

Mmhmmn · 04/05/2024 01:05

You need a safe way of leaving him/ending your relationship. He is a savage, as you know. Can family or friends support you?

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/05/2024 01:02

You're married. His house is half yours. I would try and get some legal advice so that you can exit this shitshow asap. He's an abusive arsehole.

Whenwillitgetwarm · 04/05/2024 00:59

OP you must leave. You still sound young, you have your whole life ahead of you.

For your kids sake leave. You don’t want them to see this as any kind of life. How would you feel if they ended up in this situation. Heartbroken I’m sure.

Jux · 04/05/2024 00:57

Women's Aid; you don't have to live with the streak of piss that he is. You don't have to put up with the awful way he treats youl talk to WA, make a plan. Good luck. you can do it

Tereseta · 04/05/2024 00:46

MonsterMunched · 03/05/2024 22:28

It’s a crap way to talk to you but it take 5 minutes to have a shower and wash hair so it hard to believe you haven’t been able to do that for a week.

Nice victim blaming there... 🙄

Italiangreyhound · 04/05/2024 00:45

Speak to women's aid, please.

Get out, get safe and start a life without him.

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 04/05/2024 00:44

@TheCultureHusks they will most likely delete your post but i would be plotting a dixie chicks earl scheme.

CandyLeBonBon · 04/05/2024 00:37

arethereanyleftatall · 03/05/2024 23:02

If you're married op, then all assets are shared and jointly owned regardless of whose name is on what.

This. It matters not that the house is in his name. Speak to women's aid.

TheCultureHusks · 04/05/2024 00:37

Kill him

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 04/05/2024 00:35

no point in dragging this out, end the relationship regardless of what you have he has or the fact that life will be a bit different for a while.
he's abusive and you say getting worse since the birth of the first child, so no it won't get any better. raising children is challenging at all ages including early 20's.

KnitFastDieWarm · 04/05/2024 00:19

A real woman would have dinner on the table every night.

A real man wouldn’t abuse his wife and the mother of his children. A real man wouldn’t be verbally and physically aggressive because someone asked them to cook some food. A real man would support you, love you, cherish you, and make you feel safe.

You have to leave. It won’t get better - I’ve been there. Don’t let your children grow up with this as their model for relationships.

Practical stuff:

If you’re married, you are legally entitled to half the house and probably some of his assets/pension as you’ve earned less. You can see a solicitor for free for a half hour and check.

You will qualify for universal credit - have a look at one of the online calculators and see how much you could get.

Talk to people - your family, women’s aid, your friends. Once you start telling people it becomes real, and it becomes a situation you can plan to leave, rather than this horrible secret that makes you feel gaslit and isolated. You’ve already made a great start by telling us here.

I’ve been there and I can’t promise leaving this abusive prick will be easy. but it IS achievable and you will NEVER regret it.

SwordToFlamethrower · 04/05/2024 00:03

"You should probably leave then, I'm a terrible wife and you deserve better. Bye!"

utilitarianism · 03/05/2024 23:58

You have to put yourself and your children first, now, and that means not putting up with this abuse. It isn't easy to take the first steps, but putting it off won't make it any easier, and meanwhile your kids will be absorbing this atmosphere and learning that this is 'normal'.

MonsteraMama · 03/05/2024 23:58

MonsterMunched · 03/05/2024 22:28

It’s a crap way to talk to you but it take 5 minutes to have a shower and wash hair so it hard to believe you haven’t been able to do that for a week.

The point

You

Loubelle70 · 03/05/2024 23:57

StSwithinsDay · 03/05/2024 22:31

The day my husband called me a twat, a cunt and a bitch would be the day I would make plans to leave him.
Is the relationship in any way salvageable?

Yep

fashionqueen0123 · 03/05/2024 23:57

Hopingforbetterluck · 03/05/2024 23:19

@AnitaLoos i just couldn’t break my dads heart, he’s nearly 80. My sister knows and she’s a great support but she’s got her own life and problems to deal with.

Could you move in with your Dad? He surely wouldn’t want you to be treated and abused like this :(

tiggergoesbounce · 03/05/2024 23:55

Anyone who called me any of those names would not remain in my social circle.

I don't even have them used around me, never mind at me.

Macaroni46 · 03/05/2024 23:55

Hopingforbetterluck · 03/05/2024 23:27

@Ladyj84 i have had a shower, the point was I wanted a proper shower, to wash, dry and straighten my hair. Thankfully you’ve got a supportive partner so you’ll never understand what it feels like to feel like that’s too much to ask and to be berated and called names every day.

I understand how it feels. I've been there. Try to stay strong. He can call you all the names he likes but he can't penetrate who you are. Build a metaphorical wall around yourself and imagine his nasty words and cruel names as arrows bouncing off your wall / shield, deflecting back to him. This is how I survived over 20 years of abuse. Took me too long to leave. Try to start making plans to leave now and in the meantime, use a strategy like the one I described to protect yourself.

Takenoprisoner · 03/05/2024 23:55

NCA24 · 03/05/2024 22:42

I can't believe the responses on here. OP what you've just detailed is abuse. Instead people on here are clambering over each other to find ways in which you can shower more quickly. My god.

There are such utter arses on this site sometimes, always looking to put the boot into the op while completely missing the point of the thread.

HeatPumpBoilerStuff · 03/05/2024 23:54

MonsterMunched · 03/05/2024 22:28

It’s a crap way to talk to you but it take 5 minutes to have a shower and wash hair so it hard to believe you haven’t been able to do that for a week.

Unreal.

Original poster
Hopingforbetterluck · 03/05/2024 23:52

DdraigGoch · 03/05/2024 22:38

A real woman would have dinner on the table every night.
Please tell me that this OP is not real. Surely men who think such things went extinct just after the dinosaurs.

OP, how on earth did you encounter this prince amongst men?

Edited

Unfortunately it’s very real. It didn’t start out
quite so bad but has got steadily worse since my first pregnancy.

OP posts:
Ginmonkeyagain · 03/05/2024 23:48

I can't believe what I have just read. You needed to take a shower and asked yoir husband, a man who vowed in law to love and support you to put on tea and in return you got a mouthful of abuse.

What the actual hell? My partner and I aren't married and don't have children but lead busy lives and often ask each other to pick up jobs. It's called being a partnership.

Your husband is a dick.

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