To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

Its so easy for people to say LTB but for most people they have no where to go. Why should she leave anyway.
She should tell him never ever to talk to her like that again and tell him to sleep on the effing sofa. Why do so many women end up with such bastard partners. It seems like the world is full of them, whats going on.

That’s just as bad!

I know you’re scared of your children being left with him. Odds on if he can’t be bothered to do anything practical for them like cook dinner, he will only want minimal to no contact with them. At the very least, I would start documenting the abuse. This really is no way to live and it will be affecting your babies.

If you really think it’s that easy you must live an incredibly sheltered life.

OP you don't deserve this. I think you should strongly consider trying to leave, along with your children. I don't know you - but based on this post, your husband sounds horrible. You deserve so much better.

Dear OP, this is heartbreaking, I'm so sorry you are bring treated in such a vile and abusive way, you deserve so much better. You are in an abusive relationship. It's not your fault, many abusers begin abuse around the time their partner gets pregnant. I know first hand that it is not easy to leave so won't tell you to (even though I wish you could 😢). Could you talk to someone at Women's Aid or a local domestic violence charity? A good domestic abuse support worker would enable you to talk through your options and makes the best decisions for you and your children. Wishing you all the very best 🫂

People saying they don’t see how you haven’t managed to shower clearly have no idea how hard it is juggling everything you have on your plate. Ignore them.

op, you deserve better than this low life so called man.

im so sorry you’re being treated like this. He’s the asssshole here. Probably always is if he thinks he can talk to you like this.

id be making it clear that it’s unacceptable and either walk or say next time you will. (If you feel you can)

Your time management isn’t the issue, he is the entire issue.

If my husband called me any of those things, I’d be right here with my kids, but he’d be kicked right out that door!!

The shower is nothing to do with it. The issue is your vile husband and his attitude towards you. Unless you want a life of misery you must make plans to leave him. You are unhappy and your children will be affected by the family dynamics.

Ma child being a man doesn't mean he's incapable of doing household tasks. He would have to do it if he was single living alone.

My goodness 😭

I just read your OP, OP. I rarely (if ever say this and certainly not as quickly as this), but you need to LTB. No ifs, buts, maybe or second chances. Go. Be free. Live your life with dignity and respect. All the best.

You don't want your children to model future relationships from this one!

@Hopingforbetterluck I can’t imagine how it feels to be with someone who thinks it is acceptable to treat you that way.

If the only thing keeping you with him is the worry of leaving your children alone with him and money it must feel like you are trapped.

I imagine your children mean the world to you, you should know that this is emotional abuse and can have a worse impact on mental health than physical abuse. By leaving him you are showing your children it is unacceptable to allow someone to treat you that way, it shows them strength and to want more for themselves.

If he has never mistreated the children, staying with him due to finance and worry about him being alone will do more harm to your kids in the long run.

There is a lot of financial help available if you leave him, you may have to accept a lower standard of living but surely happiness is more important.

I hope you find the strength to leave him…xxx

Also just because it’s physically possible to have a 5 minute shower, I think it’s really OK for you to take as long as you like, and your husband to step up and sort out tea. I’m sorry this is happening to you, even if you can’t leave now please make plans for the future.

OP, can you go to womens aid and/or move in with your dad? Trust me, what would really break his heart would be to find out you had hidden your situation from him 💐

No it doesn't...when I'm washing my hair I'm 20 mins.

All depends on length etc. And yes OP might have had loads more to do

@Hopingforbetterluck@Macaroni46 my XH put me down every single day, things ranged from not allowing me to have my own keys to the house I jointly owned with him and MY MONEY paid for the deposit, policing what I spent my OWN money on, ruining occasions with people other than him and his family, calling MY family abusive names, telling me I am thick, I am stupid, I am crap at housework, I am frigid, a bitch, a twat and "I hope you get cancer and die"! was a nicely charming outburst.

Playing up when I wanted to do anything without him, evening classes included. Refusing to speak to me for a weekend. Bullying me to stay in as I "had no time for him" then falling asleep on the sofa.

I knew I wasn't perfect but for whatever reason I was doubting my own contribution and that I wasn't good enough. I began to focus on my own mistakes and how I had made him like this. One day I kicked him out but it took me too long to wake up. I still felt guilty. This is what these terrible men do to us.

GO TO WOMEN'S AID PLEASE.

That's so, so messed up OP. He didn't even have to watch the kids while he did it. He has serious problems. Please don't stay in the orbit of them.

I know how you feel about the finances. But he is abusive, there is help to leave. He is threatening you because you want to wash.
He is messed up.

..you’ll never understand what it feels like to feel like that’s too much to ask and to be berated and called names every day
No, many of us won't but you know who will? Your children. What you are doing is modelling that this is what a 'normal' relationship is to them. So, if you have a son, this is how he will have learnt is how you treat girls and women. And if you have a girl, keep in mind that this could be her life in twenty years because it could be all she knows as her 'normal'

That's all.

@MonsterMunched 5 minutes? It's possible that a shower itself can be done in 5 minutes but that's really tight if you are shampooing and conditioning hair, good lather of all the parts! Add to that a minute to get undressed, few mins to dry off, drying hair at least ten mins and so on...

Anyway, you're massively missing the point here of this thread

@Hopingforbetterluck Sweetheart, firstly, ignore the people focusing on your showering. That is irrelvant and they are completely missing the point.

I completely understand why you feel trapped, due to the financial reasons and contact reasons. However, I promise you, there are solutions to these, which will mean you would be able to leave.

Please seek advice from Women's Aid, also get a free half hour consultation with a solicitor, ensure you tell them about the abuse. You can check what benefits you'll be entitled to if you're on a low income. You may also be entitled to some of the house. This is why you need legal advice.

In terms of contact, as there is abuse here, you can get it arranged through a contact centre, so that it is supervised. You'll need some advice though about arranging this.

I promise you, there are solutions to the reasons that are currently preventing you from leaving.

When you are researching your escape, please do so safely, to protect yourself.

Abuse often starts during pregnancy, once they have you 'trapped'. He is an abuser. The way he speaks to you and disrespects you is not normal. I'm glad you realise this as this is a step towards realising that you do not deserve this.

Please do start looking into the financial side of being on your own. Staying with this man longer term will have a detrimental impact on you and your children, you really do need to leave as soon as you are able to.

I've left an abusive man and know how hard it is. You deserve better. You're a good person xxx

Bollocks.

That 5 mins it takes is never actually 5 mins and we all know that.

I'm in a similar position to OP and I got up at 5.30am today to make sure I'd got time to shower and shave my legs, wash my hair etc as I've juat not had a chance since Tuesday and i felt minging.

Only difference for me is DH is in exactly same position and he would never call me like that.

No one deserves to be spoken to like that x