To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

www.womensaid.org.uk/

Give these people a call op x

She doesn’t need to be told to ‘do better’ by you too. She needs to recognise that this is abuse. Don’t gaslight her further into thinking if she just ‘did better’ it would be ok because it won’t. Ok so she produces a nice stew cooked in a slow cooker. Do you think he will be happy then? No he won’t. He will feel empowered to find the next thing and the next thing. This is very bad advice.

Until you have a modicum of basic comprehension and emotional intelligence, just do one from this thread.

poor you, he sounds like a right twat

WTF?!!!! This is your response? To a post about verbal abuse. Check yourself.

I can't believe that people are talking about how long it takes to shower. Honestly, that is not the issue here!!

The issue is he has no respect for you. None. He doesn't see you as an individual with your own life, needs and wants. He sees you as someone there to facilitate his life.

I know it's not easy, but you need to leave. You should be able to top up your income with benefits - universal credit is there to plug the gaps for situations like this. Your life will be better without him. It might not be easy to begin with, but it will be worth it.

You don't want your children growing up thinking that treating others like this is ok. And you don't want to feel like this, and worse, as time goes on. Because this will not get better.

You can do this.

The first time my my exH called me a cunt, I made plans to leave, and eventually did. No way would I allow my kids to grow up potentially hearing that.

Not that hard to believe. Sometimes it just isn't possible and the mental overload of parenting can mean even if you do have 5 mins spare, you literally don't possess enough energy to do it.

Those who said that are so completely wrong. It doesn't matter if you wanted to take 20 minutes you absolutely deserve to have that time.
If your husband cannot hold the fort down while you take some time for yourself than that says more about him than it does about you.

^

This

He is abusing you. I think you can live chat on Women's Aid website now for advice.

What kind of piece of shit abuses his wife for wanting a shower for gods sake.

^ this

It feels daunting and impossible but if you break it down into tiny steps it will be more manageable.

You could get support with each of those steps here as well as many people have been through this.

I divorced someone who was emotionally abusive but nowhere near as scary sounding as your husband, and one of my main drivers was that I didn’t want my kids to think that this was love or marriage. Even if they never see me in a better relationship (likely as I have been single since we divorced) at least they know that they can leave a bad relationship.

Getting divorced is one of the best things that has happened to me and no matter what I am going through, the fact that I am independent from him is an eternal source of joy.

I'm sorry that you had to deal with that. It's a basic human right to get clean and no one should ever make you feel like you cannot do that.
I know it's not as simple and up and leave and it annoys me that people just say to do that so I'm not going to but I do think you need to have a think about whether this is someone you want to be with, and if it isn't then start making moves to end it.
Again you should NEVER have someone call you names because you want to get clean.
Relationships are all about give and take. Sometimes you give more than 50% to cover what they can't and sometimes they take more than 50% when you can't and it's unfair to be made to feel guilty for needing help!

Tell him a real man would offer to put the dc to bed and make tea whilst you have a shower

Seriously though - leave the bastard

The day my dh called me name would be the day I ended the relationship

By staying with this man you are failing to safeguard your children.
They are being subjected to abuse on a daily basis which will be causing them irreparable damage and trauma.
If you can't leave for yourself which I understand is difficult, please leave to protect them.

Yep, a kitchen gadget will solve all her problems.

Seriously, What's the matter with you?

You're only being unreasonable if you stay. You know you're not going to grow old with this man. Run far and fast. Do not look back.

Goodness the name calling and your description of what happened took my breath away. How utterly awful and 100% unacceptable. I know that just walking away is not easy but please start to connect with some supports and let your friends and family know what is happening. This is serious and will escalate. Good luck.

OP, I've read your updates, if you have a low income then it will be topped up by UC and you are entitled to child benefit. Also technically he should pay you maintenance. I would speak to a domestic abuse charity and ask them for help with things like this.

I would also tell your Dad, honestly if my adult child was going through this they could live me in a heartbeat.

He is not good for you or your children. For both your sake I hope you find the strength 🩷

You need to speak to women’s aid or similar and get advice on the best way to leave, and also finances.
It’s showering this time, what will it be next time? What happens if you’re ill, does he help at all?
And fwiw I can shower quickly but it’s the hair which is time consuming!

I wish it was simple enough to just leave but I can’t afford it and don’t want to leave my children with him without me there during contact times.

So what’s the plan? Stay and learn to STFU so your children can have that as their primary relationship role model or challenge the arsewipe and have bickering parents be their primary relationship role model. I’m sorry you are in this situation but accepting toxicity is rarely the better alternative.

Have you explored your options with professional advice?

Your husband is a loser with no respect for you. It will get worse.

Contact women's aid.

My friend left her abusive partner with 8 week old baby. It was a hard 1-2 years post leaving but now she is better off. Women's aid helped her.

@Hopingforbetterluck I'm not going to weigh in on the wider situation here, but could you get an instant pot/pressure cooker or slow cooker so that you could have your shower and hair styling time whilst the pot does the work of dinner? I have an instant pot and batch cook lunches for the week on a Sunday, there's very little prep work for some recipes and then you just set and forget.

OP, this is not normal behaviour. No man should be abusing and swearing and name calling his wife, the mother of his children. He is not a good man. He is a terrible father. He is an abuser.

Please try to talk this through with Women’s Aid. They can advise you on leaving and help you make a plan. You cannot go on living with someone who calls you a c* and belittles you like this. It will only get worse.

This. Your children will lean it's OK to treat people this way and it's okay to be treated this way. Look at them and imagine them going thru this or doing this to a partner.