To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

It would break your dad's heart to think you were in trouble and you didn't come to him for help. Let him help.

You're making excuses to stay with him.

Forget how it would affect your Dad (who's 80.)

The point is, this is no life for you or your kids.
What kind of role model is this?

You have been short sighted not to have the house in both your names, but that doesn't mean you would not get half or more if you divorce.

It's a joint asset and it doesn't matter that you aren't listed as a co-owner. Your marriage means you are.

My husband would only ever speak to me once like that

However, i wash my hair and have a shower every day it literally takes 5 minutes and I have a very busy life.

Doesn't matter. It us a marital asset and you are entitled to half.

Get in touch with womens aid and get planning to leave.

He is an abusive bastard and it won't change. You are teaching your kids a very dangerous thing by staying.

Seriously?

Have you read the post?

He's a bully and this is emotional abuse.

Can you consider a way to leave? You shouldn't stay with him. Next step might be violence. And what do your kids think when they hear this behaviour?
It's appalling.

It will only get worse. And it's possibly been going on for some time.
What you describe doesn't sound as if this is a one-off.
Has he been like this before?

No - but I understand the point being made. OP’s H came out with a sexist comment - she should have a meal on the table. I would have hit back with the same kind of attack as he needs to know just how stupid his comments are. Men who expect their wives to do all the cooking and housework AND also work are the lowest of the low. And in my view it’s perfectly reasonable to hit back with an equally sexist comment about how he’s not earning enough and isn’t a proper breadwinner.

These kind of men need to be left - but they also need their arse handing to them very loudly and clearly.

Just go shower. I mean what happens if you just go shower? As if I hadn’t washed for a week I’d just be going.

If not soon, when would be a good time to leave? When the children are slightly older and can do the cooking for him when they stay at his place? When they leave home and realise that you only stayed for them? When it escalates and he really hurts you/ them? When your Dad dies so he can take some of any inheritance that you get?

If you leave now how much do you really think he is going to want to spend time looking after the dc? Unless he gets another woman or has a very hands on mother he is probably not going to want to turn into Mr 50:50 man overnight.

Unless your father was also abusive to your mother he is unlikely to want this life for you. Get some advice, try to ensure you know about the financial situation regarding his income/ pension etc if possible.

its Horrific that there are women who have read that OP and are berating the OP for not showering earlier. Nobody should EVER be treated like that by their partner no matter what they have done.

Be quiet. When you have small children (who are not at school), sometimes there is so much to do while they're asleep that you prioritise that over yourself.

Lots of us (myself included) have husbands/partners who are willing to do their fair share so we can look after ourselves. But some of us (and I know some of these women) do not.

My DH wouldn't dream of saying I wasn't a real woman because dinner wasn't on the table when he got home from work. Mainly because that's a shocking attitude to have but also because I work, we have a small child, a dog etc. So some days dinner is on its way to being ready. Other days I haven't started. On some occasions it's his turn (he does work more and I do like cooking so dinner does sit more with me). Sometimes everything has gone wrong and pizza is on its way.

Aside from any of that, when you have long, curly hair (as I do), washing it in 5 minutes is NOT possible. It takes around 8 to do it properly, then there's the mammoth task of drying / styling afterwards.

So, to reiterate. Be quiet.

If a man ever spoke to me like that he would be history. He has lowered your self esteem so much that you are asking if you are being unreasonable. LTB!

I feel so sad for you that this is your life.
of course you need to leave him. Your children will grow up with this otherwise. Find a way.

You can definitely afford to leave him.

When you're a working single parent to two kids, universal credit tops up your income. And your partner will have to pay child support. So once everything is sorted its likely that you'll be reasonably off. And I suspect that your earning power will increase once you're not tied to a man who is trying to limit you.

There would be a difficult month or two whilst you get settled and sort this all out. So, its helpful to either have a bit saved up or to stay with someone for a month or two whilst you get the financials sorted. Women's refuges are also set up to help support with this trapped feeling - they're free, clean, nice, well set up for kids and you can stay for a couple of months whilst you get new housing etc sorted. In most of them you have your own little flat whilst you're staying.

Contact without you there is harder to fix. Is he horrible to the kids? Or are you worried that he doesn't know how to look after them?

Jesus fucking Christ, this is what you took from OPs post?

Who are the 3 percent who think u r being unreasonable 🙄he is vile.

This is a definite LTB what an abusive prick

Tell him a real man wouldn’t call his wife and the mother of his child a c**t.

A real man wouldn't do this. He is what is known as an abusive lazy c#!t

edited to add speak to a domestic abuse organisation. You are not protecting your children by staying. You all need legal protection and you need to find out what options you have. Staying gives your children the indication this is acceptable and women are not equal but merely mens slaves. I get you don't want him alone with them so get legal advice. domestic abuse organisations often have free legal advice

It's over. Don't worry about your dad, he'd rather see you happy

Your husband is all that he called you but this time there is proof of it.
He is also ace managing his time because do nothing but work.
What a prince.

Please leave him, you have options. Please look at ‘matrimonial home rights’. You might be able to register your rights to your home. If he has somewhere he can live (family, another property etc) and you do not, you also can apply for an occupation order to give you rights to live in the property. Especially with children most courts grant them to allow the primary caregiver and children to stay in their home. It can also be in the order that he has to keep paying the mortgage to give you room to support yourself.

I hate these men. 😞

The wider issue is the MAIN issue! OP should be able to go and have a shower for however long as she likes and have a bit of time making herself feel better without being berated for it and called vile names by her husband, she should not have to come up with ways to fit everything in so that she doesnt get abused for it. Any decent man would offer to take over some things in the home to free up time so their partner can do something so basic.

That's what I thought too.

OP: "My husband was abusive to me - he shouted and smashed up the kitchen because I didn't have a shower when he wanted me to."

Response: "Why did you need a shower? You obviously didn't plan your week very well."

🙄Mumsnet.

OP. Please make a plan to leave him.