To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

I would like to say record his rant and let him listen to himself - but I’m not sure you would be safe. Are you? If you aren’t confident that you and your kids are safe around this man then you must leave. Perhaps record a few of his rants and keep the recordings secretly as evidence for no contact with kids/save them off your phone/with a friend. He might not want anyone to hear them and not dispute non contact.

As you are married with joint kids divorce would involve sharing assets. It won’t matter that the house is in his name - it’s a marital asset.

Yes her husband is going to have to cook himself dinner every night when she hopefully leaves the sexist pig.

Op, is this how your marriage has been for a long time?

Does he abuse you a lot? And the dcs?

I'm really sorry. It won't get better.

You say you can't afford to leave. Can you start making plans? Start working? Start saving.

It's really important you protect yourself and your dcs from further harm.

WTF 🤯

Your take away from this thread isn't that she is being verbally abused by her repulsive husband. Or the fact that her husband is a sexist pig who thinks his wife has to cook him dinner every night, despite also having a job herself, doing all the childcare and housework.

Your solution is she should batch cook on a Sunday and buy a slow cooker. Can’t have a man cook one meal a week.

@MonsterMunched what an utterly and totally irrelevant point to make. Well done.

seriously? Aren’t you a delight?

Dear OP, please don’t focus on the posts telling you how to do better. You won’t ‘get it right’ ever with a man like him.

Please look at the posts with links to where you can get help. And please don’t think you won’t be able to manage alone - you and the children will be in an environment which you control - beans on toast in a safe place with your little ones will feel like heaven after what you are going through now - for both you and your children.

I hope you manage to get away from your bully and get the support you need from your dad and women’s aid/other specialist organisations helpful posters on the
is thread have signposted for you.

if I were your parent I would far rather know what was going on so I could help than live in the belief things were ok.

Love and strength.

No doubt years of abuse have worn you down and made you feel like you can't escape. You can, but you need practical help and legal advice.
Take the first small steps by contacting Women's Aid and get an appointment with a solicitor. It will feel scary, but you can do those things. You have more rights than you think and you are stronger than you know.
Don't let that piece of shit you're married to destroy any more of your lives - you and your children deserve better.

This⬆️

Tell your Dad while he’s still around to hopefully support you.

or contact Women’s Aid….

Anything is better than living like this, including for your kids.You don’t want them growing up thinking this is normal.

Because as a "real man" her husband expects her to work, raise the children, look after the house, make sure everyone is fed and allow him to do sod all except go to work.

There is no time for herself. It would likely be easier as a single parent because she wouldn't have him to worry about too. She could shower while she'd usually have been doing some of his stuff.

Please leave. You only have one life. Be happy 💜 x

OP, you must feel so overwhelmed right now. You poor thing, life is exhausting enough with toddlers and a job, plus a house to run without having to contantly tiptoe round an unexploded bomb (I imagine it feels)

Start by telling someone, just one person. Start sharing the mental burden so it becomes less on you. Make an appointment with your GP to tell them how run down and mentally exhausted you are, tell them what he said to you. Start getting it on an official record. Then maybe reach out to the domestic violence services at your local council (ours are great, yours may be also) Solace womens aid will give you advice and support.

One step at a time. I'm sure it's incredibly difficult to find the headspace to even contemplate a marriage breakup but the more you think it over, you'll find that solutions will present. DA charities will be able to give you lots of advice about processes. Try and envisage the end result. What do you see? A peaceful life for you and your children where you aren't tiptoeing round your husbands temper. Read this thread: the lady was in exactly your situation and with the help of mnetters, got out and is living her best life. It CAN be done. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/4572101-plucking-up-the-courage-to-leave

As always there’s assholes on here justifying the abusive man’s behaviour! I actually despair!

OP I hope you are ok. You know you need to end the relationship. The sooner the better. You don’t deserve this. Please get in touch with Women’s Aid and CAB for a benefit check.

You should leave him for your sake and the sake of your children. No one should be talking to you like this.

YABU for still being with the twat

Oh dear God.

To those focusing on showering aspect more than on husband being aggressive, just replace shower with "lie down". Say, the wife would like to seat down and close her eyes for 5 minutes and gets yelled for that.

Shower is not the discussion point here

You’re in a domestically abusive relationship, which is text book in the behaviour you’ve described and which is also text book in that it started around pregnancy. If you stay your self esteem will be slowly eroded to the point you’ll likely never leave, it will only get worse and worse, and there will be potentially life long consequences for your children, in terms of their attachment, emotional well-being and their own relationships as adults. For instance, if you have a girl she’ll be more likely to be tolerant of abuse in her own relationships, and if you have a boy he’ll be more likely to be a perpetrator of abuse. You might think you’re making a better choice to stay for the children but you’re not. If you want to try and leave then you need to google domestic abuse charity and your county to find local support. You also need to do the freedom programme as soon as possible. Please also approach your local housing team and be honest about your situation so you can explore what support might be available.

You might need to show him the door as he is too stupid and horrible to find his own way there! C………t

OP I think you could report this verbal abuse to the police and start building a picture. Or at least start keeping a diary. You need to speak to womens aid and maybe get legal advice.

If he is calling you those names he is abusive and it will only get worse.

If you are married why can’t you ask him to leave as he is the one being abusive to you?

Be strong. If he is like this to you it will be damaging your children. You need to find a way to end this where it doesn’t disadavantage you and the kids. Get some legal advice now. Do not leave those kids with him and move out for gods sake!! He can use that against you I’m sure.

let me think…maybe he OH calls the OP a lazy cunt. Or starts ranting. Or bangs around. Just generally intimidating, demeaning and nasty. But hey… you’d be ok to just go and shower 🤷‍♂️

YANBU regarding how he spoke to you - disgusting. You don’t deserve that, please don’t put up with it.

But remember single parents have to make dinner for everyone and shower…. There’s no one to help.

Good for you. Unless I wanted to go out with soaking wet hair, the overall process following the 5 minute shower takes a bit more time, if I've washed my hair.

He’s abusive to you - he doesn’t talk to anyone else like that does he!!!! He’s a bully and a twunt - your children will see this behaviour as normal - I left mine for my child - I didn’t want him to experience the shit I did. I feel angry on your hehalf - have you no family you can turn too? Contact women’s aid - look up the Freedom course - ready for free Lundy Bancroft - why does he do that - inside the mind of controlling men
-I used to think it was my responsibility when problems came and he turned abusive - he had my brain addled - you need to keep reading the threads on here on abuse - please know - It’s not you - the twunt will have you turned in knots and he wil escalate -
See a solicitor if you can afford it - some offer 30mins free advice.
Womens aid wil know local solicitors that specialise in this. 🌺