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Original poster

AIBU to think that all the recent threads about benefits are heading too far towards online bullying?

278 replies

LeopardsRockingham · 03/05/2024 19:28

The way disabled people are being treated and spoken about on here in recent days is disgusting. It is verging on online hate crimes and if ithey were about other marginalised groups would not have been allowed to stand by MNHQ.

The disinformation, the sneering, the complete lack of compassion from so many Mumsnetters is vile.

Disability for the very most part isn't something that people bring onto themselves. Parents don't do anything but have different luck to you and have a disabled child.

My genetics are different to yours so I have a fucked up immune system and the host of problems that has given me.

My DH had a horrific upbringing which has led him to have MH problems- he works by the way. I did too for a long time until my body couldn't cope.

My DC was injured at birth due to a hospital fault.

My neighbour fell off his bike and has a traumatic brain injury.

My friend has breast cancer.

My cousin is dead at 38 due to epilepsy.

My nephew is so unhappy due to his ADHD bot letting him fit in at school and my sister is having trouble helping him through it due to hers.

Why are we so unworthy to you?

Are we not due the same courtesy of online treatment as those of different races and religion...or does that go out the window as you pay for us?

@MNHQ why is it acceptable for you to allow your users to bully the marginalised on this site?

OP posts:
Jeannie88 · 03/05/2024 21:41

XenoBitch · 03/05/2024 20:42

I know a lovely lady who is very physically disabled after her very abusive ex beat her to the point she suffered spinal damage. She now hobbles about with a walking stick.
She still goes out clubbing. Is she meant to just rot and die at home?

Show quote history

Of course not! I'm so sorry this happened to her, she sounds so strong and total respect to her. I'm talking about people who claim to be in her position but aren't. That's what makes me upset, genuine people who deserve everything and those who fabricate it. Only from personal experience, one particular young man who got all the benefits but had a business as a builder and raked in a fortune. That's what upsets me, it does a disservice to the lovely lady you mentioned. I'm all for helping others, I would give my last penny to anyone in need. I'm sorry if my post was taken any other way. Xx

YoureALizardHarry11 · 03/05/2024 21:41

Hoglet70 · 03/05/2024 21:37

I see Mumsnet have deleted my original reply when I stated I had every sympathy for people who genuinely couldn't work. Excuse me Mumsnet but how exactly did I break your talk guidelines?

You clearly don’t have every sympathy though, because if you did you’d realise that people with complex mental health issues and addictions can’t work, yet you think it’s fine to slag those off and revel in it by the sounds of your goady posts.

Julen7 · 03/05/2024 21:40

Hoglet70 · 03/05/2024 21:37

I see Mumsnet have deleted my original reply when I stated I had every sympathy for people who genuinely couldn't work. Excuse me Mumsnet but how exactly did I break your talk guidelines?

Mumsnet deleting so many posts that the thread hardly makes any sense

Hoglet70 · 03/05/2024 21:37

I see Mumsnet have deleted my original reply when I stated I had every sympathy for people who genuinely couldn't work. Excuse me Mumsnet but how exactly did I break your talk guidelines?

ilovesooty · 03/05/2024 21:37

JudgeJ · 03/05/2024 21:00

Fair comment but if they choose to be unfit for work through their own lifestyle choices, drink and drugs, then they can't expect us to work to feed their habits with copious benefits.

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Addiction is more complex than a lifestyle choice.

Hoglet70 · 03/05/2024 21:35

DanielGault · 03/05/2024 20:43

You must have a tiny world view. Lots of people 'work hard and pay taxes' and get sick anyway.

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Did you miss the bit when I said I had every sympathy for people who genuinely couldn't work?

XenoBitch · 03/05/2024 21:34

Jeannie88 · 03/05/2024 21:30

It was a turn of phrase, ie worshipping the lifestyle and buying lookalike clothes, having lips done etc. And yes I do have close ties with people who try to emulate them. They are on benefits but get rent paid for, and they don't pay it as living with family. The money they get they spend on labels, lipfillers, nails, eyebrows and obsessed watching the Karashians to see what they can aspire to next.

Of course this isn't normal but please believe me when I said I know people who live like this, get money in one hand and fork out for £100 nails in the other. Shameful I know. Xx

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Don't assume that everyone will understand your turn of phrase.

I was in therapy with a lady who was always made up, nails, hair etc.... it was her mask. She had suffered awful trauma, and was just trying to get by in the best way she knew.
I am sure she never had a letter from DWP or her mental health team telling her that she had to look like shit for her issues to be taken seriously.

Original poster
LeopardsRockingham · 03/05/2024 21:34

@caringcarer thank you but due to his condition he needs nappies and pads. We get 5 a day. He uses 15....ongoing bladder and kidney issues and then bowel too. They will only supply nappies OR pads and only 5🙄so this is the cheapest way. Hopefully an operation soon will change this back to tubing which then though more expensive to supply is then freely prescribed.

But thanks so much for the thought x

OP posts:
Jeannie88 · 03/05/2024 21:30

XenoBitch · 03/05/2024 20:24

The Kardashians are worth $2 billion, so I call bullshit.
No one on benefits is emulating them.

Show quote history

It was a turn of phrase, ie worshipping the lifestyle and buying lookalike clothes, having lips done etc. And yes I do have close ties with people who try to emulate them. They are on benefits but get rent paid for, and they don't pay it as living with family. The money they get they spend on labels, lipfillers, nails, eyebrows and obsessed watching the Karashians to see what they can aspire to next.

Of course this isn't normal but please believe me when I said I know people who live like this, get money in one hand and fork out for £100 nails in the other. Shameful I know. Xx

K0OLA1D · 03/05/2024 21:28

Blackcats7 · 03/05/2024 21:16

Miss the point much?

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Shockingly so.

caringcarer · 03/05/2024 21:27

@LeopardsRockingham, did you know the incontinence nurse can give you prescriptions for DC's incontinence products for free. You could spend his DLA on something else for him.

K0OLA1D · 03/05/2024 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Says someone who lives their life in blissful ignorance to what disabled people have to fucking suffer from day in day out and have done all throughout history.

Original poster
LeopardsRockingham · 03/05/2024 21:24

Funnily enough it was the Martin Niemöller poem, First they came I had in my mind when I made this thread.
It isn't about benefits.
It isn't about taxation
Its about how I am so utterly shocked that I/we are an "other" with seemingly far less support than many other groups who do have protective characteristics because unfortunately some of us do require someone else's money.

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 03/05/2024 21:20

LeopardsRockingham · 03/05/2024 21:15

Well by the 2017 equality act disability has the same protected characteristics as race....so why shouldn't it be used?

Because they don't like a mirror being held up to their bigotry.

Willyoujustbequiet · 03/05/2024 21:19

K0OLA1D · 03/05/2024 21:10

Your opinions on being disabled and receiving benefits based on disability are not valid at all if you are not living the experience.

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Absolutely

Blackcats7 · 03/05/2024 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Miss the point much?

Prawncow · 03/05/2024 21:15

There were comments on the thread about disabled children that echoed some of the arguments used by proponents of eugenics.

Original poster
LeopardsRockingham · 03/05/2024 21:15

Well by the 2017 equality act disability has the same protected characteristics as race....so why shouldn't it be used?

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 03/05/2024 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It's absolutely appropriate.

Ableism is as abhorrent as racism.

Willyoujustbequiet · 03/05/2024 21:14

JudgeJ · 03/05/2024 21:06

No-one's on a high horse, like many they are tired of working to keep others. Over the years life style choices have become legitimised and are now used as a reason not to bother with work. However this is such a polarised topic that it will never end well.

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Not this again.

Most benefits claimants work.

Just because someone claims doesn't mean they haven't been a net contributor in the past or won't be again. It's lazy to make sweeping generalisations that are inaccurate.

It's only polarised by people incapable of understanding the nuances involved.

Beezknees · 03/05/2024 21:14

JudgeJ · 03/05/2024 21:06

No-one's on a high horse, like many they are tired of working to keep others. Over the years life style choices have become legitimised and are now used as a reason not to bother with work. However this is such a polarised topic that it will never end well.

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If it's so easy and such a great life, then quit work and claim benefits.

I work full time, and I know full well I am far better off than people who can't work for many reasons. I don't have some weird, envious mindset of "working to pay for others" I look at alcoholics and drug addicts and feel nothing but pity and thankful that my life is not like that. Anyone who says they are "tired of paying for others" needs to give their heads a wobble and get a grip.

Apricotsaretheonlyfruit · 03/05/2024 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

XenoBitch · 03/05/2024 21:11

JudgeJ · 03/05/2024 21:00

Fair comment but if they choose to be unfit for work through their own lifestyle choices, drink and drugs, then they can't expect us to work to feed their habits with copious benefits.

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No one chooses to be an addict or drunk to avoid work. No one chooses to be unfit for work.

And tell us, if you were an employer, would you take them on?

Beezknees · 03/05/2024 21:11

XenoBitch · 03/05/2024 21:08

Sorry, I meant the person that kept going on at me about starting a coffees van... she was asked if she would do the same. No reply.

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Ah, sorry! I get it now. I bloody wouldn't start a coffee van business!

K0OLA1D · 03/05/2024 21:10

Apricotsaretheonlyfruit · 03/05/2024 20:53

The ignorance cuts both ways. Claimants of benefits are not only people with opinions that are valid. And from what I have seen they are capable of being as vicious as those with differing views.

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Your opinions on being disabled and receiving benefits based on disability are not valid at all if you are not living the experience.

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