Husband goes on holiday with his family without me and our baby

Is he having an affair? Surely he’s not actually treating you as though your not family?

This guy doesn’t think it’s important to spend his annual leave with his partner and baby. He doesn’t really care if she goes or not, because he’s alright Jack.

Let’s see if the OP returns to this thread…

This lifestyle is absolutely fine but there's an IF....if you both agree that you both want adult time and so to facilitate that you both need to stay solo with the baby whilst the other one goes off on their break. Equal. And for you that means leaving the baby with their other parent for your peace of mind. So, if he gets 3 trips this year, then so do you. Is he on board with that?

Take your parents away for a couple of child free nights. Leave baby with him

I seem to be an outlier here but given that his mom's trip is next year (2025) and I'm assuming just a few days I wouldn't get too bothered about it as long as we had lured family holiday as well ie it wasn't instead of .

Your husband and his family are shit. At least your "place" has been made abundantly clear, in case there was any confusion.

Something I've found is that some fathers don't realise that life is different now, and that sacrifices have to be made. I say fathers not because it's a man vs woman, but because the mother has all the physical, hormonal and lifestyle changes immediately thrust upon them from day dot, whereas the father has choices. Of course he wants to be a good friend, a good sibling, a good son and be fair to his mother etc.
To give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe you could coach him in this and make him see that people won't think badly of him or that he's letting people down by prioritising his new role as father, and be a supportive DH to you. Is he a people pleaser? Sometimes it needs someone to point out the obvious - other people will continue their lives and plans but he has to learn to say no and not assume you'll pick up the slack every time he makes a commitment to someone else

And he’s being completely unreasonable to say that the holiday is happening, with or without you. That’s not how a marriage is meant to work. He’s not showing any empathy for your (entirely normal) unwillingness to leave the baby behind.

Tread water. Go with the flow and then ….

hit him with a no baby trip (or two ) away with a friend or your mum. Start planning it now. Keep your cool.

No way would I allow such a selfish husband to get away with this. He’s eaten up with disrespect for your position in the family dynamic and totally out of order. Stuff that for a game of monkeys.

I agree, it’s not so much about the fact that you’re being left to parent solo, it’s more that he’s behaving as if you and the baby are optional add-ons to his real family. I’d feel quite hurt if I were you.

First 3 trips, ok. Italy trip, not ok. Why does a family holiday need to be child free? Most grandmas want their grandchildren to spend time with them. Even if they don't, your husband should tell them either you and baby come or he doesn't. Leaving such a young baby with grandparents for a week isn't right. Different for a night or weekend perhaps.

He needs to grow up. He’s a dad now. When my baby was four months old, I left her with my parents for one night to go to a gig, but I phoned to check she’d gone to sleep as usual and was fine!

I didn’t think a holiday would be much fun with a baby in tow, so I didn’t book one. I finally went away with DD (and other family members) when she was 18 months old. I wouldn’t have dreamed of going away for a week without her. She’s six years old now and I still wouldn’t leave her for that long.

I wouldn't want to leave my baby to go on holiday.

I would question why he wants to spend so much of his holiday time away from his partner and child. He is not acting like he has a family

No, I'd put my foot down about this latest announcement. He can't just leave it all to you (and possibly your parents). If you have shared finances, I'd be reserving the amount he spends on all his solo adventures in a separate pot to spend just on myself. Fair is fair!

But that doesn't solve the issue that he sees no problem with leaving you alone with the baby (or to figure out on your own who'll be caring for the baby if you go to Italy).

Sounds like he's a selfish man-child who needs to finish growing up if he has any hope of being a decent father.

Sorry Op but you are not part of his family - he is literally showing you this.

He can go on holiday with his mum and take baby as you’re making u for his 3 child free holidays and are taking your mum away

I think it's going a bit far now. Agree with the others. He has his own family now and I think the fourth trip is a bit unnecessary...

Id say ok to Dads trip, the stag do & wedding.

But it would be a big fat NO to the Italy trip, unless it's a family trip for ALL the family!
Sit him down and get him to relise that he has his own family now.

Selfish twat. Does he even want to be a dad?

One word - selfish.

You needs to sort a girls spa weekend away with friends and leave him with the baby. You deserve a holiday too.

Out of interest would he be happy to stay at home, with baby on 3 separate occasions whilst you go away for long weekends with your family/froends. I know it might be hypothetical as you might not want to leave your dc for that long, but it would be interesting to know, and very telling of his opinion of your role in his life if he's happy for you to do so.

The point to me would be the money he's spending that he's not spending on his family (you)
And how much holiday he's using up
And how much time he's not spending with you two

What's the point of him?

I'd book a break away for you and your mum for a few days.