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Original poster

To still use a car seat for my 10 year old?

307 replies

ExcitedButNervous0424 · 03/05/2024 15:46

My son has recently turned 10 and still uses a high backed booster.

When I mentioned this to my friend the other day, whose son is a few months younger than mine, she practically laughed and said she can’t believes I still put my 10 year old in a car seat.

My son is always asking why he still has to use one as apparently, to quote him: “none of my friends do” but it’s always been non-negotiable for me. I always thought he was exaggerating when he said that none of his friends use car seats anymore (not even backless boosters) but judging from my friend’s reaction its made me wonder whether my son is actually right.

My friend said to think about how much I must be embarrassing my son when he has to use a HBB when his friends don’t use anything, but surely car safety isn’t about just letting him do what his friends do?

What’s the norm? Because her reaction really surprised me.

OP posts:
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7
benefitstaxcredithelp · 04/05/2024 08:37

My 11 year old is on a booster seat at 140cm tall (but is too big now for the high back booster which we used until all our DC were around 135cm). She doesn’t like it but accepts it. It also means that the seat belt sits properly at her shoulder as otherwise it cuts right up under her neck in the wrong place. And she can’t see out the back of the car!
I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. I think too many take their kids out of them too soon.

reluctantbrit · 04/05/2024 08:35

I remember one holiday to Spain where the rule is 150cm and we collected our rental car. The rental agency checked that we had our booster seat and a British family at the next counter was told they had to rent one as their child was not 150cm yet and they didn't bring one.

The mum was horrified that her child had to be in what she called a "baby seat", basically just a normal booster but the poor child would be traumatised.

You just tell your child that you have to follow the law, a booster seat is the same as following speed restrictions, not stealing, murdering or defraud on your taxes.

Original poster
ExcitedButNervous0424 · 04/05/2024 08:28

HiCandles · 04/05/2024 00:09

You're in the right op, do what's safest for sure.
I really do not understand why some parents rush to the next stage, particularly younger children and rear facing. ERF seats exist and I see so many people desperate to get their tiny children forward facing. It may be legal but why wouldn't you do the safest thing possible for your child? I regularly see children at nursery much smaller than my son being put FF and it shocks me they're so cavalier with safety.

With my first son (the one my main post is about) I remember that moving him from his infant carrier to a harnessed FF seat was some kind of milestone 🙄 I have got photos of him in a FF seat when he was 10 months old and it horrifies me now when I look at them. I can’t believe how stupid I was but at the time I was making such a big fuss about how grown up my baby was now that he had his first “proper” car seat and I was feeling almost proud of it! I’m ashamed of myself when I see the photos.

When my friend’s child died (he was 7 years old) she made me promise to always, always keep my children as safe as possible in the car and she repeatedly told me how much she wished she had used a HBB - she felt guilty about her son’s death for a long time, always wondering if it could have been prevented if he was in a safer car seat.

After his death I went out and replaced my son’s booster seat with a HBB. I’d also had a second child by this point and I replaced his FF harnessed car seat with a RF one and he remained rear facing until he was about 5 years old.

I got so many negative comments from friends and family about my youngest son being rear facing for so long but I imagine they’d have felt differently about the importance of car safety if they’d ever had to sit through the funeral of a young child who died in a car accident.

When I moved my 5 year old from his RF seat to his HBB he looked so small and young in it and I did feel nervous about it for a few months. It’s crazy how putting my 5 year old FF in a HBB made me feel uneasy whereas with my first son I’d done it when he was 9 months old and hadn’t been bothered by it at all.

I know some people around me feel like I’m being over protective by using a HBB instead of just a normal booster seat but I don’t think I could ever forgive myself if he died or was seriously injured in a car crash because I’d given in and jeopardised his safety so that he and I would ‘fit in’ with what most of society do.

OP posts:
ontheflighttosingapore · 04/05/2024 08:10

A booster seat would be less embarrassing for him. A high back booster at 10 just no Poor kid

Porcuine20 · 04/05/2024 08:06

We stopped using a booster seat when my kids were over the required height - for the time when they were borderline we kept the high back booster for long/motorway journeys and tended to use a backless booster for small local trips as it was easier to move between cars, which was a good compromise.

LuckysDadsHat · 04/05/2024 07:52

Blahdeblah12345 · 04/05/2024 07:23

I’m surprised by the number of people who disregard these rule considering the UK rules are some of the least safe in Europe. My child is around 137 cm and will stay in her high back booster until she doesn’t fit or reaches 150 cm.

Some adults are 150 cm, my friend for one. I'll tell her she should be in a booster seat the next time I'm driving her anywhere lol.

If you had read the thread you will see it's not just about age, but also bone and ligament development for children. Adults have stronger bones than children. It's really not rocket science.

European countries all have the 150cm limit why ridicule parents who want their children to be safe. It's pathetic.

Blahdeblah12345 · 04/05/2024 07:23

I’m surprised by the number of people who disregard these rule considering the UK rules are some of the least safe in Europe. My child is around 137 cm and will stay in her high back booster until she doesn’t fit or reaches 150 cm.

Some adults are 150 cm, my friend for one. I'll tell her she should be in a booster seat the next time I'm driving her anywhere lol.

Theunamedcat · 04/05/2024 07:13

Whyhaveibeencutoutofmamsnot · 04/05/2024 00:05

Shouldn't we be keeping our DC's in car seats until they are 17 when we can suddenly change our attitudes and let them drive their own cars or ride with other 17 year old drivers.

Pathetic attempt to demean people who are following the law 🙄

Mellyisatwat · 04/05/2024 03:36

My 10 year old is in a HBB. None of her friends are, but it’s vanishing rare she’s in a car with them.

She’s under 135cm.

My inlaws think is scandalous. I give no fucks, I’d rather she was safe.

Bournetilly · 04/05/2024 03:27

YANBU to use a car seat. I’d probably use a booster seat at that age rather than a HBB but if your son doesn’t mind / isn’t embarrassed then there’s no issue and it’s keeping him safe.

My DD complains about being rear facing at almost 5. She sees all her friends forward facing. It’s really good that he doesn’t mind.

I know someone who stopped using any type of car seat when their DC was 3 which is just crazy.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/05/2024 02:55

It's nothing to do with age a d everything to do with height and weigh for safety. How bizarre for your friend to measure your child against her on this.

Anonymous2025 · 04/05/2024 00:36

HMW1906 · 03/05/2024 22:53

You do what you feel comfortable with.

my 3.5 year old is still rear-facing, none of my friends kids are (and most haven’t since about 18months) so I’m pretty sure my friends think I’m a bit overprotective but having done my research (and working as an A&E nurse) I’ve decided that this is what is right for us and he’ll be staying rear-facing until at least 5. I’m not sure how long he’ll stay in a HBB for but he’s short so likely 10+. It is what it is but at least I know he’s as safe as i possibly can make him and if anything was to happen I wouldn’t have any regrets.

My middle child rear faced until 4 and half and didn’t do it longer because she went over the 25 kg weight limits at the time , youngest is 2 and half and will be the same or longer . I actually had a bad accident when my daughter was 10 months old and she was the only one that wasn’t injured . I can’t understand why people don’t try and keep their children safe

Anonymous2025 · 04/05/2024 00:32

My daughter is big for her age 134 can and she still uses her and she will still be using hers for a few years . It’s nit only the high weight or legality of it . Their bones and ligaments are still maturing and in case of an accident they can get damaged . If they are on the seat they have no back or side protection either so the damage would be worse in a big impact .
keep your child safe don’t copy lazy parents

HiCandles · 04/05/2024 00:09

You're in the right op, do what's safest for sure.
I really do not understand why some parents rush to the next stage, particularly younger children and rear facing. ERF seats exist and I see so many people desperate to get their tiny children forward facing. It may be legal but why wouldn't you do the safest thing possible for your child? I regularly see children at nursery much smaller than my son being put FF and it shocks me they're so cavalier with safety.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 04/05/2024 00:07

ShalommJackie · 04/05/2024 00:04

@ReadingSoManyThreads oooh ok so you can answer!!!

Do you ask the parents of your high school age child to pick up her car seat if they give her a lift?

My child has only had to be given a lift by my friend once, and she sat in my friend's child's HBB. My child's HBB is easily clicked into an ISOFIX, so I absolutely would transfer it to another car, if they needed a lift. Doesn't really happen though, other than the one time I said above.

Whyhaveibeencutoutofmamsnot · 04/05/2024 00:05

Shouldn't we be keeping our DC's in car seats until they are 17 when we can suddenly change our attitudes and let them drive their own cars or ride with other 17 year old drivers.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 04/05/2024 00:05

@ShalommJackie I'm not understanding what you mean? I don't think the OP has mentioned her friend giving her son lifts?

ShalommJackie · 04/05/2024 00:04

@ReadingSoManyThreads oooh ok so you can answer!!!

Do you ask the parents of your high school age child to pick up her car seat if they give her a lift?

ShalommJackie · 04/05/2024 00:03

@ReadingSoManyThreads I mean embarrassment ? Is op going to ask her year 7s friends mum to pick up his car seat if they're giving him a lift anywhere?

ReadingSoManyThreads · 04/05/2024 00:01

ShalommJackie · 03/05/2024 23:49

Is he still going to be using one at 11 in year 7?

Why wouldn't he? My eldest child is in one. UK car seat law is not as safe as EU law, I follow Swedish car seat safety guidance, so will continue to keep my children in HBB for as long as possible. My child (older than OP's), loves her HBB and will be in it for a long while yet.

OneAtATime · 04/05/2024 00:00

My tall just 9 is 145cm and in a HBB.

there is a lot of data showing 8-12 year olds should be on at least a booster.

FaintlyMacabre · 03/05/2024 23:55

People are very bad at assessing risk. I remember years ago having a chat with a nursery mum who was telling me all about the dangers of ‘chemicals’ in shampoo- who then proceeded to put her 3 year old in a backless booster in the front seat and drive off!

Mnk711 · 03/05/2024 23:51

Keep him in it. Teach him a valuable life lesson about ignoring peer pressure.

People are idiots. I saw a lady leaving nursery today with a 2 year old in a forward facing car seat in the front passenger seat 😥

ShalommJackie · 03/05/2024 23:49

Is he still going to be using one at 11 in year 7?

ReadingSoManyThreads · 03/05/2024 23:47

MargaretRiver · 03/05/2024 22:32

it is great to keep your child in a booster as long as they are willing. But if your older child is seriously mortified, begging you not to and at risk of social ostracism, don’t forget that mental health is also important.
the rate of teen suicide is far, far higher (close to 100 x) than the rate of death inside a car.

BY LAW the OP's child must still use a car seat. A HBB offers protection to help keep her child ALIVE in the case of an accident. I've never heard of a 10yr old committing suicide due to being in a HBB. Don't compare teen suicide to this, it's a separate issue. The OP would be breaking the law by not ensuring her young son remains in his HBB. The OP could be prosecuted for possible child neglect or endangerment if he were to be seriously injured or killed if not in a HBB.

I seriously cannot believe people are suggesting the OP stops complying with the law and risking her son serious injury or death in a car accident because he may be "embarrassed", or "mortified", by sitting in life-saving equipment, something which has only been brought about by bullies mocking him.

People on this thread are horrifying me.