Full of resentment and anger

Hey OP. You are right that we do look for children to be with family where possible, as research tells us this tends to be best and courts take this line very firmly.

However, that doesn’t mean you should accept this arrangement or be pressured into it. A failed placement is also really detrimental to children, worse in fact.

If you’re being approved as a foster carer, you should be paid as one and supported as one; but there also standards you have to adhere to around recording and promoting contact - you might find this really hard feeling as you do towards parents. If you are being approved as something else, like a special guardian, support levels will differ - potentially significantly. Make sure your clear on this with the social worker.

It is absolutely right to ask the social worker if the LA will fund some legal advice for you, or seek your own - many children and family law solicitors offer 30 mins free advice. You might also find Family Rights Group website helpful (frg.org.uk).

This a life changing decision - only do it if it’s right both for you and the children.

Presumably they would want you to have contact with the children's parents and you could say that from your experience of them you know that would be very very difficult for you to do if you were minding their children. You could say that you don't feel the parents would have enough respect for you or respect boundaries.

You could also say that you're not sure where you're going to be living in the future.

Honestly op. Long term foster care could be a much better option for them than a family member who didn't want kids and works full time . Think about it but absolutely don't feel guilty if you choose not to.

Hi op i had to foster my sisters daughters once many years ago.
I passed the foster thing but instead i went for full PR rights.
Same as you me or care i took them on,
Its a long story but..
It all got sorted out and they went back to their mums after 7 months.
They were tweens at the time so not babies but it was bloody hard.
After it was all over i did say if anything was to happen in the family like this again to anyone DO NOT ASK ME TO HELP no one as asked me for help since.
That sounds nasty but fuck it you had to be there to seen the drama i went through.

Foster parents are checked and go through training.
So do Kinship Carers - the assessment is very intrusive and thorough, it is likely that the OP's reluctance and resentment will show during the assessment and it will be negative anyway.

If they have poor outcomes it will be down to the parents.

Not the OP.

Please don't take them, you're already resentful and you don't have them yet.

Kids don't dissappear in 'the system', it's likely that family will still be able to see them and have updates.

Kids are a FT job.
Foster kids are even more time consuming.

Chances are you would have to cut your hours/get a different job and completely change your entire lifestyle to clear up the mess their parents have made.

Whilst you are struggling learning how to be a parent and juggling everything that goes with it, they will be sat back having no responsibilities.

I would speak to SS about your concerns (don’t be bullied into anything) and ask if they were to go into normal foster care, if you would be able to keep in regular contact and have them over to stay regularly.

It could be that you have them EOW and some school holidays like NRP do.

I feel so sorry for these kids and I’d like to think if it was my nieces/nephews that I wouldn’t think twice but it’s not straightforward is it and just because you are related by blood, doesn’t mean that you would be a good foster parent to them.

Foster parents are checked and go through training.
Its also something that they want to do and not something that’s thrown on them.

You need to do what's best for YOU too OP.
You chose not to have children. That was best for you.

I think it's a wonderful thing you're doing to take the children in. The outcomes for children in care are absolutely horrendous so however imperfect kinship care is, it's vastly better than the alternative. It's perfectly understandable to feel angry and resentful of the parents, I think you're entitled to. Try and get as much support as you can from Social Services and wider family. And try and keep an open mind and take things a day at a time - you might find it a very rewarding relationship with the children in time. You are making such a big difference in their lives giving them some stability.

A lot of people trying to talk you out of it. But it's not just how you feel today. It's how you might feel in 10 years time if they have poor outcomes from the care system. It's a bag of lemons, but you might be able to make lemonade. If you decide to do it, make sure you find support as there will be a huge amount of change that you would have to accept. I would look for a support group to help you process all of that.

Don't do it. You chose to remain child free because that is what suited you. Becoming a de-fault foster carer because social services would rather shovel things off onto you isn't fair on you, or the DC.

Be clear that you are happy to stay in touch, like an auntie (or whatever your relationship is) but you are NOT going to step up to becoming full time Mummy to two children who have already been through what I presume is quite a lot of shit if they are about to go into care.

How old are the children?

Don't let the SS pressure you @1sttimehelp , there's lots of good reasons why this won't be in your best interests or the DCs. The children will be unhappy and resentful being taken from their parents, you're already resentful at the prospect of parenting full time when you were childfree by choice, their parents will be wildly resentful that you've "stolen" their children. Surely it's better for them to go to experienced foster parents who can help them more and who won't care if the parents dislike them.
I know two people who are kinship carers, both of them were leant on by the SS to take the child/ren, both have little to no help from the SS now the DC are in their homes. One is harrassed regularly by the children's drug addicted parent and the police and the SS do nothing. If you really wanted to do this Op I'd say go for it, but deep down you don't, you're only considering it because you think you should want to do it, that could be a very bad decision for you all

Don't do it.

I absolutely would not sacrifice my own life for children I did not choose to have.

if you love these children you do have to foster them

^^

i know lots of people will say ‘you don’t have to’ which is obviously true, however, when you look at the statistics for children who go into care it’s horrendous. I’m afraid to say if you love these children you do have to foster them and you should feel incredibly proud of yourself for doing it. Focus on the kids and remember that you are doing the most wonderful thing imaginable for them. Unfortunately they may not seem that grateful in the short term but they will be one day x Edited

Please don’t listen to this advice Op. I’ve seen far too many family members feel the same and then do a poor job of it because ultimately their resentment shines through.

And kids in care have poor outcomes for a variety of reasons one of them being they have had chaotic traumatic upbringings and are affected by being removed from their parents . By OP taking them in they would still be in care (kinship) care anyway.

I am critical of the care system but it’s not that simple when you look at the statistics about how badly they do.

Have a look at this op. It would be a great way of supporting them and staying in their lives without taking them on

https://frg.org.uk/lifelong-links/

the family rights group might be able to offer you support too in making a decision that’s right for you. It’s worth a look T their website.

good luck whatever you decide to do x

It’s not a guilt trip when she came on here saying she was doing it! I’m merely expressing my opinion she is making the right decision.

I'm a Mum and Granny and I think you have to decide what is best for YOU. It's your life and you should be free to decide how to live it. Please don't feel guilty about putting your own needs first because these aren't your children. I think a compromise route of visits, phone calls etc might enable you to be an important, supportive part of their lives without derailing all the plans you have for yourself. Definitely take someone with you to meetings with SS and don't let them cajole or guilt-trip you into being a martyr.

You shouldn’t upend your life for someone else’s children.
Over time your resentment may show through to the children anyway.
You are being kind even considering it, but you also need to think of yourself. You’ve made your life choices for whatever valid reasons that you did. The children’s parents have let them down, and if you say no, you will not be letting them down at all. That will always be on their useless parents.
You have one life and need to do what is right for you. In the long run what is right for you will be the right decision for the children too. They could just as easily end up living with people who really want them through the care system.

This is awful;OP does not ‘have to’

No one needs guilt-tripping in a situation like this.

Social services will steam-roller you with guilt, it makes their job far, far easier to place DC with family.

If you don’t want to, even a tiny bit; don’t.

Youve made the choice not to have DC. Fostered children who’ve been through chaotic lifestyles and estranged from their parents are even harder to care for, they have intense needs and issues which need careful handling and care.

Pushing on to the closest family member is not the answer unless the family member is fully onboard.

edit to agree with PP; you won’t see SS for dust if you take them in, even ‘temporarily’

Seriously, I'd let them go into the system.