Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be completely shocked about someone I used to know

721 replies

EWAB · 03/05/2024 10:21

When my youngest was at primary school I really liked this woman who had kids either side of mine.

She was in the PTA equivalent and was just a nice woman. There was no drama around her.

I remember having a day off and went into the local cafe, and she invited me to sit with her friends. She was funny, warm and witty.

Significantly, she had friends of all ethnicities and her best friend was Asian.

Everybody will relate to being busy but I think if it was a different time in my life or we had kids in same year we would have been mates.

I am absolutely shocked that she is a member of a right wing political party and has a presence in that party, utterly and completely shocked.

I know it’s not illegal but God.

All three of my siblings are Tories, I’m not someone who thinks everyone has to think like me but I am stunned.

Mumsnet hates this, but I have had a physical reaction to the news. I am just Gobsmacked and weirdly let down and I do know that’s a stupid, irrational thing to say.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 23:22

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 03/05/2024 23:21

Would you please direct your anger towards someone else? I'm not a spokesperson for the left or the right.

I'm not angry.

I'm trying to have a conversation.

Why don't you want to talk about these things? You have come on to say that Reform UK have policies that are not credible.

I'm asking if you think that the Labour position on women is credible.

Why don't you want to talk?

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 03/05/2024 23:21

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 23:15

If you are a Labour voter do you find the opinion of Starmer that some women have a penis credible?

Do you think that is grounded in reality?

Do you understand how some women have left the left?

Edited

Would you please direct your anger towards someone else? I'm not a spokesperson for the left or the right.

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 23:19

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 03/05/2024 23:17

I don't understand why you interpret me as 'worried' about them.

I responded to a post about them, on a chat thread, to say their policies were not credible.

I'll ask again:

The leader of the opposition party says that some women have penises?

Do you find this to be credible and grounded in reality?

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 03/05/2024 23:17

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 23:13

So why are you so worried about them and people who want to vote for them?

At the moment I don't find the Labour party credible because of their stance on women's rights.

I really wish they'd listen to my views rather than imply that I'm stupid or a bigot.

I don't understand why you interpret me as 'worried' about them.

I responded to a post about them, on a chat thread, to say their policies were not credible.

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 23:15

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 03/05/2024 23:14

My position is their policies are not credible. That is not belittling, it is just an opinion.

My view is their policies are deliberately simplistic and not grounded in the reality of how the world works.

If you are a Labour voter do you find the opinion of Starmer that some women have a penis credible?

Do you think that is grounded in reality?

Do you understand how some women have left the left?

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 03/05/2024 23:14

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 23:02

I don't vote reform.

But that being said I wouldn't deride their politics. What I would do if I wanted to engage on a level with a reform voter would be to find the similarities in our views and have a conversation.

Belittling those with different political views is never going to win them over.

Edited

My position is their policies are not credible. That is not belittling, it is just an opinion.

My view is their policies are deliberately simplistic and not grounded in the reality of how the world works.

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 23:13

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 03/05/2024 23:08

The comment you are referring to quoted no one.

I agree listening to others is important, I have for example listened carefully to Reform's policies which has helped me understand why they are not credible.

So why are you so worried about them and people who want to vote for them?

At the moment I don't find the Labour party credible because of their stance on women's rights.

I really wish they'd listen to my views rather than imply that I'm stupid or a bigot.

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 03/05/2024 23:08

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 22:54

It was a response to something I had said.

If it was a general comment why did you quote me?

Either way listening to others rather that being righteous is the only way to solve political differences. That is my overriding point.

The comment you are referring to quoted no one.

I agree listening to others is important, I have for example listened carefully to Reform's policies which has helped me understand why they are not credible.

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 23:02

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 03/05/2024 23:00

People can hold any views they like.

The policies of Reform are not credible. They are shallow policies which would not work in reality.

I don't vote reform.

But that being said I wouldn't deride their politics. What I would do if I wanted to engage on a level with a reform voter would be to find the similarities in our views and have a conversation.

Belittling those with different political views is never going to win them over.

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 03/05/2024 23:00

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 22:50

but this is ridiculous.

You don't think that intelligent people can hold different political views to you?

Do you realise it is you that seems ill-informed by coming out with this?

People can hold any views they like.

The policies of Reform are not credible. They are shallow policies which would not work in reality.

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 22:58

BIossomtoes · 03/05/2024 22:53

Exactly that. Some of their policies are straight from fairy land. Exempting all frontline healthcare workers from basic rate income tax? Seriously? It’s pure fantasy.

Whereas some women have penises is completely normal?

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 22:54

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 03/05/2024 22:36

You're pretty hyperbolic yourself.

You've chosen to respond personally to a general comment. If you yourself are confident, my comment doesn't apply to you. I was talking about people who feel 'patronised'.

It was a response to something I had said.

If it was a general comment why did you quote me?

Either way listening to others rather that being righteous is the only way to solve political differences. That is my overriding point.

BIossomtoes · 03/05/2024 22:53

SpaghettiWithaYeti · 03/05/2024 22:42

Quite. Either Mumsnet users have become markedly less intelligent recently or we have been invaded by some reform campaigners.

I miss the days when most users were well informed. No one intelligent gives any credence to a party like reform.

Exactly that. Some of their policies are straight from fairy land. Exempting all frontline healthcare workers from basic rate income tax? Seriously? It’s pure fantasy.

nothingcomestonothing · 03/05/2024 22:50

pikkumyy77 · 03/05/2024 21:56

This thread is hysterical! Do posters not know that there is such a thing as fascism? Not as an insult but as an actually political system with specific forms and policy goals? Do you not remember Oswald Mosely, if you can’t remember Mussolini and Hitler?

Equally: there are political groups on both ends of the spectrum with goals to overcome and eliminate democracy and the rights that democracies generally require for citizens such as free speech, freedom of association, rights for children, women, minorities, and the right to vote itself?

In a functioning democracy with two or more parties that are oriented around democratic principles party membership may be understood as somewhat anodyne, like one’s choice of sports team or favorite food.

But outlier parties, parties of the far left or far right, generally have the goal of using democracy and the vote to get into power and then to change the rules so that their enemies ( however defined) can no longer compete successfully, share power, join in the government, or protect their citizen/members. So yes, as I pointed out upthread, there are parties whose goal it is to replace democracy eith fascism.

In the US the far right fringe outside and of the Republican party explicitly calls for shrinking the power of the electorate by eliminating problematic voters (women, minorities, non property owners, naturalized immigrants and the children of immigrants). They EXPLICITLY call for an end to democracy in the form of one person one vote.

Parties have platforms and policies that they strive to put into play. Government levies taxes, disburses taxes, wages war and protects or doesn’t protect citizens. These all result in choices and policies with enormous impact and therfore moral significance. The choice of which party to belong to is a moral choice.

You bet I judge someone who belongs to a party that is racist, corrupt, fascist, jingoistic, war mongering, or authoritarian. I would judge some nice lady on the PTA if she were voting for the cannabalism party too. I would kind of have to assume she wants to legalize cannibalism and potentially eat me, wouldn’t I?

That just hyperbole.

There is no cannibalism party, so the OPs acquaintance won't be voting for its candidate. There is no legal party which has a platform of fascism, so she won't be able to cast her vote for that either. So it's irrelevant .

Also, anyone who remembers Moseley would also remember Mussolini and Hitler, what with them being contemporaries.

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 22:50

SpaghettiWithaYeti · 03/05/2024 22:42

Quite. Either Mumsnet users have become markedly less intelligent recently or we have been invaded by some reform campaigners.

I miss the days when most users were well informed. No one intelligent gives any credence to a party like reform.

but this is ridiculous.

You don't think that intelligent people can hold different political views to you?

Do you realise it is you that seems ill-informed by coming out with this?

SpaghettiWithaYeti · 03/05/2024 22:42

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 03/05/2024 22:19

As I said, If people point out the policies won't work, they get accused of being superior.

I'm sorry if you feel patronised but their policy platform is mostly nonsense.

Quite. Either Mumsnet users have become markedly less intelligent recently or we have been invaded by some reform campaigners.

I miss the days when most users were well informed. No one intelligent gives any credence to a party like reform.

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 22:42

pikkumyy77 · 03/05/2024 22:39

Yes of course the cultures are different. That’s rather the point. I am s former anthropologist so I hang out here precisely because culture is my jam and Im interested in English/british culture and politics (writ large to include the anti-politics cult of just having “reasonable” opinions without having to be responsible for actual policy execution).

So you haven't got much of a clue then have you?

When you talk of fascism when it comes to UK party politics you are talking from an academic rather than literal view point.

I live here. I'm also educated to a high level.

There are no mainstream UK political parties that are extreme right wing or fascist.

As an anthropologist I would have thought you'd understand the need to reserve labels like that for genuinely authoritarian regimes?

pikkumyy77 · 03/05/2024 22:39

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 22:33

I'll hazard a guess that you are from the US?

it's ridiculous that you can suggest that you understand the state of UK politics from books. As ridiculous as a person from the UK stating we understand what is going on in the US. We share a language but our cultures are vastly different.

Yes of course the cultures are different. That’s rather the point. I am s former anthropologist so I hang out here precisely because culture is my jam and Im interested in English/british culture and politics (writ large to include the anti-politics cult of just having “reasonable” opinions without having to be responsible for actual policy execution).

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 03/05/2024 22:36

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 22:31

This is actually hilarious.

The people with the chips on their shoulders are those who are so righteous they won't listen to the views of others.

I'm utterly confident in my own opinions. I'm not permanently offended. I just find the tribalism of party politics divisive and would like to have a sensible conversation without hyperbole.

You're pretty hyperbolic yourself.

You've chosen to respond personally to a general comment. If you yourself are confident, my comment doesn't apply to you. I was talking about people who feel 'patronised'.

DontBeDaftYou · 03/05/2024 22:35

I felt really ill when I realised what she is like.

Yet you have nothing but praise for her.

OP. The world is not just black and white, just bad and good. Grow up. For the sake of your children if nothing else.

pikkumyy77 · 03/05/2024 22:34

Tribalism isn’t a distraction from politics—its the essence of politics. Just some groups take it very literally (The Afrikaners for example) while others see it more as a metaphor.

LittleCharlotte · 03/05/2024 22:34

Leah5678 · 03/05/2024 20:57

A big part of the reason people are broke is because of house/rent prices because of supply and demand of the sheer amount of people moving here. But oh no the woman described in the op is evil for wanting to vote a party that says it'll cut down immigration 🤔

Nothing to do with second houses and the rise of Air B and B?

lifeturnsonadime · 03/05/2024 22:33

pikkumyy77 · 03/05/2024 22:23

Yes: i am not from the UK as you can tell from my spelling. I usually state that where relevant. That doesn’t mean Im not quite conversant with British history and politics.

I'll hazard a guess that you are from the US?

it's ridiculous that you can suggest that you understand the state of UK politics from books. As ridiculous as a person from the UK stating we understand what is going on in the US. We share a language but our cultures are vastly different.

LittleCharlotte · 03/05/2024 22:33

Hugosmaid · 03/05/2024 11:12

Malcom X wasn’t so keen on the liberal white man. In fact he told people to beware of them .

You might want to add some context to this. It's interesting how often people do this to try and make out he was racist.

pikkumyy77 · 03/05/2024 22:32

I want to add that there is really nothing new under the sun. It is always absolutely crucial to the survival of the people that certain policies be pursued and, when those policies are challenged or there is social shame attached to the party members then the rule of comity, the bleat of “Im personally quite nice” or the assertion that these are just “minor differences of opinion as to taste” are invoked.