To worry I sound boring

When do you see your husband without the kids?

It seems early to me but I don't think I've ever slept 8.5 hours a night.

4 times a year is pretty much sexless. Have you two talked about it?

That's still really early to go to bed. How old is the youngest?

When was the last time you had sex? Have you told him you don't ever want sex again?

I dont know what boring is really i may sound boring to others but i enjoy my life so i dont care.

I'm not sure you can say you haven't changed OP, clearly you had at least some sex to have DC, perhaps he was ok with low sex but not no sex.

Not many people in their 30s, men or women, would be willing to stay in a marriage with no sex and a partner completely focused on work and family only. You don't have to change of course, but you should probably prepare yourself for your marriage ending at some point.

I'm surprised he's stayed in a sexless marriage for that long if it's not his choice.

Don't get your knickers in a twist. I am not talking about him bringing up the sex life, clearly. I am taking about him bringing up "the list" and also making a demeaning comment that OP is "quite a catch". That's hardly going to improve their sex life, is it? If this is your way of communicating with your partner, have at it. But I would imagine most adults try to keep these conversations more positive, constructive and not make ad hominem attacks.
Since when is going out and staying up late a requirement for a fulfilling relationship?

Do you have to get up super early? Why in bed at 9?

The sex changes things. You had sex when having kids so low sex to no sex would be hard.

Do you feel fulfilled?

Ah huge drip feed. Your DH is telling you how he feels about your marriage.
36 is too young to involuntarily be in a sexless marriage. He is right to raise it and you need to address it.

Ok well your update has changed the question really.

This is a relationship issue.

It is fine for him to raise all his concerns but he needed to discuss it all properly and sensitively. Not as a snide dig.

Agree, she shouldn’t have sex if she doesn’t wish, but she also cannot expect her husband to live a life of celibacy.

for me the op is misleading, she should have simply wrote my husband is unhappy in our marriage, it is celibate, I have no friends, I don’t go out ever and I go to bed at nine. I do work and have kids, so my waking hours are spent on that. My marriage is in trouble.

as that is the more accurate gist of it.

"Boring" is subjective. When I was a teenager I thought my parents were boring for enjoying National Trust properties, tea rooms and walks in the countryside. At that age I enjoyed festivals, loud shouty grunge music and getting drunk.
Now I find all that boring and enjoy all the same things my parents do!
It's just different preferences and different perspectives.
Your life doesn't sound boring to me. I don't think a quiet life (quieter than yours) is boring. To me it would be peaceful and calm. The only kind of life I can imagine being being truly boring is someone who doesn't leave the house or someone who doesn't have a life beyond work.

I don't know how healthy it is to have nothing besides work and looking after children in your life. I have fallen into this trap before and I think you need something in your life which is just for you. It doesn't have to be a crazy time-consuming hobby or some group activity - it could just be going for a run or swimming or collecting something or whatever. But I do think it's important to have that to retain your sense of self.

On the sexless marriage, nobody should be having sex if they don't want to. But it's not going to really work unless both of you are on the same page. Neither is right or wrong but you're not compatible anymore.

I'm a night owl but other than that my list would be quite similar. It's not boring to find pleasure in the small things in life. If you're doing all those things and it's making you depressed, then there are problem, but for you're happy and fulfilled, live your life how you like!

You don't sound boring to me. And anyway, who cares if people did think that? If you're happy, you're happy!

Same.. I'd not be happy with "no sex and in bed by 9 " partner.

wtf, he’s a dick for bringing it up? So he’s just supposed to live a celibate life, with a partner who never goes out and is in bed by nine, and pretend to be happy?

aye.

Ok, that is a drip feed. I would not be happy at that age in a sexless marriage and a partner that goes to bed at nine and never goes out. I understand you’ve kids, so unless another drip feed coming, I think it’s fair he has told you.

the issue is not if you’re boring or not, the issue is your husband is unhappy, and it’s a foolish person who doesn’t listen to their spouse, male or female when they start to articulate that. Unless they want to end up divorced.

Good on him for being honest with you. Better to tell the truth than to continue a pretence.

I'm not sure why you are staying married, I'm a lone parent and have been for 14 years (happily)

If you have a lovely stable life why don't you both just split and co-parent? If you are not happy together I mean.

He's a twat to say it but I think I would struggle to enjoy a life with a partner like that tbh when do you do anything as a couple? Or for yourself?

He is a dick for bringing it up but.. this is just showing again and again that nobody appreciates martyrdom. You can give up your life for the sake of your family but, in the end, the person you are with only feels the loss of the "fun" partner they first met. It is so important to have a life, interests and identity outside of family life!
I would ask him to take over the childcare one night a week and one weekend a month so you can go and get a hobby and meet up with some friends.