To worry I sound boring

Is she the one going to bed at 9 because he is leaving her to get up with the DC whilst he is enjoying his sleep? Maybe he should be getting up with them at half 5 if he wants to see her more. Although it doesn’t sound like this is his complaint. It sounds like he may be feeling unfulfilled and blaming her.

I’m guessing he’s not in bed by nine and doesn’t wish ti be celibate.

Maybe he is projecting. What is your DH doing with his life? Does he have hobbies and see friends regularly?

I think your second post should have been your OP to be honest.

Your list is fine if it satisfies you and works for your household. It’s clearly not. DH was maybe harsh in his wording for sure and I think that was mean, but surely it’s better he comes to you about it than silently seethe. Not a v positive approach though but he’s clearly frustrated!

Look I have 3 kids, I’m 34. So similar to you. Been married 12 years. We also probably have sex once a month if we’re lucky! Difference is we’re both dissatisfied with that but just soooo shattered. Sometimes you just have to make yourself have sex and you end up getting into it and don’t regret it (OBVIOUSLY you know where the line is re consent!) The key here is me and DH are both on the same page with that. It keeps things ticking over. We are both SO busy - I’m retraining, have 2 time consuming hobbies, youngest is 2, bigger kids have clubs and social lives, no family support. We often do at home date nights eg do an activity at home together. But you need to decide if you want to save the marriage. You sound in the doldrums. Do you think you should figure out how to feel more vibrant?

Obviously this is primarily about your marriage and husband, but just answering the OP, I don't think anything on your first list is boring, unless it bores you, and the second list has some lovely things on it. The only thing I'd say is that I'm not sure I'd be happy with someone who 'never goes out', but from your second list it sounds like you do go out.

yes, “quite the catch” and a list of complaints demonstrates this admirably.

look op , you asked, you don’t need to listen to us or your husband. All people are telling uou is when your spouse, male or female. Starts to articulate they are unhappy, and treat you with disdain, then open communication on how to improve your marriage together is the way forward.

if you chose to not do this, that’s fine, but it’s highly the distance that is now appearing will continue to grow. And either result in separation or cheating.

Kindly OP, none of those things on their own will make a marriage last.

Your DH is telling you he’s unhappy- listen to him.

I think your marriage is dead because your DH has told you he finds you boring.

You are more concerned if others think you're boring, and not that your DH has told you he's not happy.

What is your marriage based on? You don't spend time alone together. You don't have sex. He thinks you're boring. It sounds pretty dead unless you think he's going to stay with you and keep being unhappy?

I’d also say the poster clearly didn’t say it was dead simply due to lack of sex. But rhe whole pic.

but if you think it’s a thriving marriage then you need to convince your husband of that, not us, as he’s his foot out the door.

What more? You don’t do anything together, there is no romance, no sex. You just co exist and co parent. If your marriage is about much more, we aren’t the people to convince, your husband is.

Not boring at all from that list.

I think it depends on how you present yourself to others. Do you have a bright, interested demeanour? Are you generally positive about yourself, your life and the world in general? Do you chat to people but know when to stop and let them respond? Sense of humour, but not guffawing madly at every little thing?

It think those are the crucial things. I've known some people whose lives on paper sound amazing, but they were boring because they had a miserable demeanour and took no interest in anyone else. I used to be a terrible moaner when young, but I got sharply put in my place and changed my ways so that now I'm almost manically positive, which might be equally annoying to some people!

Bored and proud over here 💪

It does sound dead. You don’t do anything with your husband. You don’t have sex, you don’t go out together, no hobbies with or without him, goes to bed early so no evening time at home together. To me that’s definitely a dead marriage and I would require a lot more to feel fulfilled.

To me you sound quite uneventful and I would not choose to spend my life with someone who's life looks like that. your marriage is clearly dead and your focus is almost solely on your kids, not even on yourself. Just because you are a mum doesn't mean that you have to lose your own personality and interests.

You must be the most fertile woman in England if you're only having sex four times a year and still had three children! Quite honestly, I suspect you were having more sex than that initially, so it is a change for your husband.

the issue is not if you’re boring or not, the issue is your husband is unhappy, and it’s a foolish person who doesn’t listen to their spouse, male or female when they start to articulate that. Unless they want to end up divorced.

I agree. He finds the life you're leading together boring, so he's said it in the hope things will change.

Do you think of your husband as your friend, as well as your romantic partner? I find it interesting that you say you have no friends.

You had three kids by shagging 3 or 4 times a year?

Things have changed op, you clear were not only having sex 3 or 4 times a year before. And you clearly didn’t go to bed at 9 every night either. Are you saying you never had friends and never went out before? That I can’t comment on if it’s not changed.

you are right you do not need to compromise. You should not have sex you don’t wish, or to stay up later, or be sociable. Absolutely. But you should also understand your marriage is likely ending due to it.

He has tried to be patient in the hope things would change, but they haven’t. Now he’s being honest.

the issue is not if you’re boring or not, the issue is your husband is unhappy, and it’s a foolish person who doesn’t listen to their spouse, male or female when they start to articulate that. Unless they want to end up divorced.

Totally agree with this. Your marriage, which it sounds like you have both neglected, is at risk unless you put some work into addressing the problems.

So when you started dating you had sex 4 times a year and your husband was happy with this but now he's unhappy?