What is the obsession with 2 under 2?

It's all well and good until you're paying 2 sets of uni fees at the same time.

3 years seems to be the most common age gap for people I know but I found the 3 years bad for jealousy. I have a 3 year age gap then a just under 2 year gap and I found the 2 years so much easier than 3 - my middle boy didn't even notice the baby for months haha and now they're like twins, joined at the hip.

That is really interesting to read. My eldest has massive jealousy issues with her younger brother who I had quite quickly after her. They are teens now but that jealousy has never gone away and still causes so many arguments to this day.

If only it was as straightforward as wanting the perfect age gap.
Firstly, pregnancy and a resulting baby isn’t guaranteed and, secondly, there is no “perfect” age gap - everyone is different. I have a five year age gap, but that’s not out of choice, but it is perfect for us and works for us. Had we had a 3 year gap as we wanted, I’m sure it would equally have been perfect and worked for us. I have friends who have an 18 month/2 year gap and although it was mental initially, now the kids are a bit older, it’s great. That sort of gap was never on my radar though.

My two DCs are 20 months apart. It was planned that way.

Logistically, we couldn’t have afforded child care for 2 children and therefore it made sense for me to be a SAHM for a while after DC2 was born.

It wasn’t easy, nor was it awful. Developmentally it worked for us as a family (sleepless nights, nappies, pre-school). The children are incredibly close now.

We aimed for this to save money (17 months between my DC)
I didn’t want to take too long out of the work place and meant there was only 1 year when they were at different schools
It worked well for me - they are now adults and have always been very close

Also I could not afford two in childcare at the same time, I wouldn’t be able to work and couldn’t afford not to work, my daughter goes to school by time my newborn is in childcare when I’m back to work so had to space it out for financial reasons also.

I think people like to get it out the way, having kids, especially as we are having kids older nowadays. I had my first when I was 30, I had my 2nd 3 months ago and she is 4 at the end of the month. I could not and would not be able to have 2 under 2, not for me! My daughter is incredibly independent and it makes life with a newborn 100x easier, not to mention she sleeps and the sleep issues have gone, I couldn’t have two not sleeping as she was terrible up until age 3! It depends on support I think also as I don’t have much and never any breaks so a small age gap would have broke me! Lol

I think younger siblings benefit from at least three year age gap as they get more attention.

I can remember being at school and knowing siblings with small age gaps and the issues with friendship groups was real. One would be more popular than the other and because they had the same friends it would cause one great angst. I can recall thinking, “thank god mine and my sister’s lives were so separate and I didn’t have to complete”. Im sure there are also siblings who have the same mates and it worked well, do definitely a personality thing.

Small gaps have always been common in the UK. I noticed gaps were larger in the US so probably just tradition.

I don’t think there’s an obsession with it? Mine are 19mo apart, and no one ever has anything positive to say about the small gap.

There’s pros and cons to all aspects of parenting. I’m a SAHM so will be back to work sooner than if we’d left a bigger gap, but it’s bloody hard work!

My brother & I had an even smaller gap and hated each other, we still don’t talk, so I don’t believe any gap can automatically guarantee closeness, I think that depends on parenting & personalities.

im about to have 3 under 4 🤷🏽‍♀️. Yes some days can be a bit of a challenge but the smaller age gap means they are like built in best friends. I don’t think I could raise a child to more independence then start the process all over again, I’d prefer to get the nappies and sleepless nights out the way. I also have the experience of growing up with a 6 year age gap between my little sister and I… I wouldn’t wish that on my own children as the gap was way too long for us to have anything in common when we were younger.

I had two under two, def not by choice, but 3 year gap seems to be “preferred” round here with plenty of 4/5, with many choosing to have another when #1 is nearing school age.

it’s good now mine are older but I didn’t sleep for five years and barely remember the early days, especially of DS2. I must have resembled a zombie. I don’t recommended it tbh. A friend had his 12 months apart, again not planned. He got through it but again resembled a zombie.

Fertility issues for us will lead to us trying for 2 under 2. Started trying for a kid very early 30s, unexplained infertility, savings, IVF, baby at 36. Earliest I’m allowed to try again is 37 putting baby at 38 but if issues will be 39/40. My mum menopause was diagnosed at 45. Simply can’t have a longer break.

we have a 14 month gap. Now they’re older it’s getting expensive . 2 at college, 2 lots of bus/train fares. 18th birthday was expensive and we’ve got to do it again next year, older one is struggling with driving so we will be paying for two lots of lessons in June for god knows how long ! 😂

Mine are 17months apart ( now 30 and 31 and very close). I had horrendous hyperemesis with both pregnancies. I wanted to have 2 children but there was no way I could have got an older one to nursery/ playgroup/ Reception whilst pregnant with a second one. Ideally I needed to have the second one before the first one was able to move fast, needed to be anywhere , couldn't be put in a baby chair next to the loo whilst I puked and puked. I would have loved to have waited but ,if I had, I'm not sure I could ever have gone back to being pregnant, and so appallingly sick, again. The drugs offered now were not available then. You had nothing at all until 12 weeks and then an injection of Stematol to try to ease it ( it didnt) The only thing you had was a hospital admission and a drip to rehydrate you. That's why I had 2 under 2.

Two under two never appealed to me at all.

There's five and a half years between my boys and at times it's been a massive ballache and felt too much. Ideally, I'd have had a three and a half to four year age gap but life didn't turn out like that unfortunately.

We have a 4.5 year gap and have always made sure we do activities on holiday that suit everyone and so far our teen is more than happy to continue coming on holiday. Our two are actually really close despite the large ish age gap. I don’t feel they’ve grown up separately because of the age gap but maybe that will come in the next few years once our eldest turns 17/18.
I couldn’t have coped with a smaller age gap both mentally or financially. Childcare for both would have meant working for negative £.
I'm also an older mum as I had my youngest at 40!

This is dependant on personality. I have a two year and an almost five year age gap, the two with the biggest gap get on best. Jealousy comes from competition for resources which is much greater when there's a small gap.

@fraimbroi

As I said a couple of days ago there are lots of siblings in both my kids years.

Yes re the body thing, the Kennel club won’t accept registrations for litters born within 12 months of the last litter as it isn’t seen fit for dogs to rush through pregnancies.

3 and 3 months- wanted smaller, didn’t fall preggers. One 4 nearly 5 a school other at home and 18 months

It's daft. Think years later when they're sitting national exams. I have a three year gap between older two and that spaces it out a bit. But I have just under two years between youngest two so they'll be sitting exams at the same time 🙈

Thank you for saying this! It has become some kind of folk myth that siblings' age gap shouldn't be more than 18-24 months which is gruesome on the mom's body (and parents' mental health).

I know some people want to be done with the baby/toddler times quick, so it's a tactic to shorten the overall period spent in the trenches. Personally I couldn't do it and it's possible our 5yo will remain an only child. But I'd rather keep my sanity and marriage intact instead of chasing some "ideal" age gap. Which often leads to neverending bickering anyway between two littlies.

But, I mean this, each to their own!