What is the obsession with 2 under 2?

My body never suffered from 2 pregnancies 18 months apart. Maybe I was just lucky, or maybe it's because I was under 30. (Women under 30 statistically have smooth pregnancies, and easier births, and less birth injuries, than those over 30...) By the time my two girls were 2 and 3, you would never have known I was a woman who had birthed 2 children. Everything was back to normal and I weighed half a stone less than I did before I got pregnant with DD1.

I don't know why people do it, it's incredibly hard on your body to have pregnancies that close together. Add to that the financial burden of two in nursery at the same time, a car big enough for two car seats, double pram, two babies waking in the night.... Nope.

We had our 2 (girls) close together - one and a half years apart - but it wasn't intentional. We 'tried for' DD1, and I got pregnant very quickly. Then I went back on the pill shortly after with no thoughts about another one (at that point.) Then I was ill a couple of times with the trots, and genuinely didn't think anything of it, and the pill failed.

And so a year and a half after DD1, along came DD2. I think I was 3 months pregnant with DD2 before I knew I was pregnant, because my periods were all over the place anyway. We weren't prepared for 2 under 2, but the Universe had other ideas!

Anyway, so we had 2 under 2. Didn't plan DD2, but she was very much wanted and welcomed - and as loved as DD1, and having 2 close together is the best thing we have ever done! Tbh, it has been fine! They both had their own bedroom, so if one woke the other didn't, and DD1 was sleeping through the night by the time DD2 came along, so we weren't getting up to 2 of them all night IYSWIM.

I don't think it would have been any different if we had had a 5 year gap or more. Did spend more (I think,) as there were not that many 'hand me downs.' And we had to buy 2 of the same thing for Christmases (like they both wanted 2 of every Bratz doll thing, or Barbie thing!) And we had to buy 2 school uniforms, (in fact, 2 of everything at school, as they were both mostly at the same school at the same time!) But you would have to do that anyway for anything less than a 4 year gap I think.

My 2 were actually pretty good kids, well behaved and played together nicely, and rarely gave me and DH a hard time. DH and I loved having 2 little girls SO much. Going on holiday as a family of 4, people always made a fuss of our 2 girls and said how well behaved they were.

Then they hit 13-14, and the shit hit the fan. Teenage years are such a hard time, for the teens AND for the parents. And teenage girls are more difficult to deal with that teenage boys. (I think!) Quite a few teachers told me this.

So yeah, we struggled with them for 3 years or so, as they were rebellious and talked back quite a bit, and argued and fought and fell out with different girls. But by 16-17 they had grown out of it. Now, around a decade later, they are intelligent, independent, feisty, kind, funny, loving young women, who both have successful careers, and have settled down with a partner (and both have their own home.)

Due to fertility problems, we didn’t have our first until 40 and so if we wanted a second with one of the frosties we just needed to crack on with it. We had the second at 42 so had 2 under 2 for a few months. It has been fine but then working and having them in nursery is much more manageable for everyone’s stress levels than being at home with both of them full time, plus it gives them space from each other.

I thought the reverse. When i was a kid almost everyone had a sibling 1.5- 2.5 years older/younger, you were basically expected to get on/play together etc. People planned based on mum having to basically stop work for a few years until youngest started school so it made more sense to have kids closer together & reduce total time off.

Now people plan around returning to work after maternity leave and using the 30 free hours, they don't want a second child in nursery before first is getting the funding or in many cases wait so the second only starts nursery when first goes to school.

Mine are 2.5 years apart and that's the biggest age gap I'd want - mine play so well together and really love each other tp bits.

My sister and I 2 yrs apart not much in common. 2 under 2 is huge work. Think I would have liked 5y gap one at home one at school.

It compresses your maternity leave into a pretty short time which is advantageous if the mother is keen to progress in her career.

I have 2 under 2. They’re 20months and 5 months. They were both happy little accidents. I’ve made absolute sure we won’t have another happy little accident. 2 under 2 is not for the weak and i am weak af. Someone send help they gang up on me 😂 I wouldn’t recommend

I’ve got twins so didn’t have much choice! They did bicker a lot when younger, but are very close as teens and it’s lovely to see. I think closeness of siblings very much depends on the personalities involved and how the parents treat them/favouritism etc.

Although a surprise my 2 under 2 was the best thing that happened to me. So we repeated similar to it and had a third a month after middle turned 2 🤪 3 under 4 was good fun 🤣

I also grew up in a 2 year age gap. As the older sibling in that scenario I wouldn’t ever ever want my eldest to feel the way I’ve always felt. I have hated my age gap which my younger sister our entire lives. I get on much better with my youngest sister who is 5 years younger than me, which is the age gap I’ve gone for between my middle and youngest.
and people judge the large age gaps, I think maybe because they haven’t experienced it, maybe if you had you wouldn’t be so quick to not want it. I have experienced 2 under 2, both as a child within it and as a professional. I wouldn’t want to do it as a parent or have my children be in it.
but as I said, I take no offence to people not liking my age gaps. 14 years is weird to people. I get that. It’s not weird to us, it’s perfect.

And I can understand that. 👍🏼 no offence taken here…you personally can’t think of anything worse…that’s you. The same as I can’t personally think of anything worse than 2 under 2. Not sure why you’re offended by what my opinion and my experiences are (I’m a childminder, I have 2 under 2 and often 3 under 2 a lot, which is why I would never want to have that experience full time day and night…) maybe you shouldn’t be on mumsnet reading a thread about how people want larger age gaps compared to 2 under 2 if you’re going to get annoyed by the responses. The title is literally explanatory of what the responses were going to be…. I’m sorry you don’t like the fact that not everyone wants to have 2 under 2 🤷🏽‍♀️

I think years ago it was the norm to have 2 under 2 but now days that is a good spread of those with 2 under 2 and those with bigger age gaps. I wouldn’t say there was an obsession at all. That being said We actually had 3 under 2 when my girls were little (second pregnancy was twins) and I’m not going to lie it was hard work but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. We wanted our children close together as that’s what both myself and my husband grew up with (siblings less than a year apart). Also we find it a lot easier planning days out/activities etc when children are a similar age. Also financially it was just taking the hit over a few years period rather than spreading it out. Looking back there is no way I would have wanted a larger gap as at least if you have them close together you are used to the sleepless nights and hard work etc. if we had waited I may never had had another one as as much as I love my girls I’m not sure I could have done it all over again once my eldest was getting older. Mine are 14 and 12 now and still get on extremely well and are like best friends rather than sisters.

Having a big gap seems madness to me. We don't all like the same thing it turns out.
What a shock....
For us infertility made us start trying again early because we knew it could take ages.
You play the cards you are dealt. And tbh I had three 3 and under. And I absolutely love it. No it's not for everyone but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Only on Mumsnet can you be looked down on for having 2 kids close in age.

@saffy2

"Personally I can't think of anything worse" than a 14 year old and a month old.

I have a 4.5 year gap between my 2 DDs. Eldest is 7 and the youngest 2.5… my eldest is on the whole a dear little soul but the youngest think she’s 7 too- always trying to pick fights with the eldest and is a completely different kettle of fish. The age gap has frazzled me because of the personality of my youngest. If she had been more like her older sister I doubt I’d have been frazzled much at all. I’m a hot mess on a daily basis, sometimes I wonder if we did the right thing to wait, hoping things will improve as youngest gets older - she’s hard work though! So much so she does 3 days a week in nursery 8.30-5pm and has just started pre school on my day off on a morning, which will be upped to two mornings a week come September!!

DS will be 2 years and 2 week when baby arrives this summer. So I guess I didn't quite get the message 😂

Mainly for us it's because it took 4 years of TTC and 3 MC's to have DS1 safely in my arms so I guess I didn't know how long it would take to have no2. Turns out just 3 months of TTC and 1 MC this time.

I'm 36 I know plenty have kids older than that these days but I don't really want to be much older. My mam needed a hysterectomy around 40 and my aunt is now 39 and very much so in peri for the last year.

I hope it means that when they settle into primary school I can restart my career properly too, so my early 40s. I haven't stopped working but taken a big step back. I do hope they'll be buddies but that can't be guaranteed. I have plenty of anecdotal stories of small and big age gaps having great relationships. E.G. my mam + aunt 20 months difference always competing. The next two aunts have about 20 months between them as well and have been inseparable

definitely personality, we haven’t struggled at all to keep ours happy on holidays. We went to rome last year with a 13 year old and a 4 year old. The only main struggle was us all sharing a room and it was basically like 3 adults in a small space. Other than that, it was fine.
and my 14 year old spends loads of time with his sister, and the baby. I dont
tjink you need things in common to get along, but they actually do have things in common, they do art and drawing a lot
together. Yes he will be at a different stage of life to the newborn, but I don’t see that as a bad thing.

2 of mine are 11 months apart so much easier than my bigger age gaps of 3-7 years

I can’t think of anything
worse than 2 under 2 personally.
1 is 14
2 is 5.5
3 is 1 month old.
and I adore my age gaps. Currently sat in the sunshine reading my book and eating haribo bf my newborn in peace and quiet. The others still get plenty of bonding time with him, and my days are peaceful and enjoyable with the baby. Same last time too. I much prefer larger age gaps and wouldn’t want it any other way. I think doing what I’m doing now with a toddler would be crazy, and I’d feel so guilty. But newborns feed a lot, so I wouldn’t have a choice.

3 1/2 years between mine. Had back problems after no 1 so wasn’t sure if I would have a second. 2 under 2 could mean two at University at the same time which could be a huge financial outlay if you have to contribute to their living costs. I also didn’t like the idea of double buggies.

I’ve done 2 under 2 twice with a big gap In between. It was easier. They were friends and kept each other company for years. I’d recommend it tbh.

Between my dd1 and ds1 is 3 years 4 days. I have and still find it horrendous. Dd is horrendously jealous and has always been!

However between ds1 and ds2 is 2 years 4 months and my son has never shown jealousy and it feels easier! Also dd adores her youngest brother lol

So the research I heard of a 2 year age gap or 5 year plus works best.. holds some truth for us!

We had 2 under 1 (10 months apart) and honestly it was difficult at times but I really loved it. They’ve never known life without each other but they do fight like cat and dog, my eldest is now 5 and we are finding a good plateau of them being able to communicate clearly and share with one another (it was a bit tricky around the 2/3s age, but eldest is ND which added an extra layer).
On the other hand we are expecting DC3 in a few weeks and the 4/5 year gap will hopefully be just as lovely, the boys are so so excited and interested in her growth week by week, helping to get things ready.
Either way, I wouldn’t change a thing!