What is the obsession with 2 under 2?

I know loads of mums that had their first late 30s and left a gap of at least 3 years before the next. I deliberately banked embryos with the hope of a reasonable gap. I also know women fitter than I was in my 20s who had children at 39-42, and I know that fertility isn't necessarily genetic, so I also didn't change my plans due to that and went for my own fertility testing.

After experiencing a close age gap my entire life I decided I'd never deliberately do that to my own children. The idea that they'll be close and developmentally the same when they're at least 10 months apart is about as realistic as my parents' ideas that we were very close and great friends growing up (factually incorrect). I also love being a mum and love the baby stage and wanted to give my children full attention and appreciate as much as I could. My first didn't come easily and I was so fulfilled that I didn't even consider needing/wanting another child in the early years. The idea of "getting it over with" would be a horrible way to plan a pregnancy for me and mental and physical health was a priority. I was more hopeful for lifelong friendships and support between siblings and I've always had friends across a range of ages so a close age gap wasn't important there either.

We had 2 under 2 due to our ages.

I won't lie - it's been knackering and still can be some days. They are currently 3 and 4. Not sure I'd recommend it tbh although I'm glad to have got the pregnancies over and done with as I didn't enjoy being pregnant (sickness etc).

Funny, almost everyone I know had a three year gap or more. Thus planned for when you could get free childcare and not have to pay two sets at once. But also, I read the research and it told me three years was better for the child. It was certainly better for me to have that gap. Each to their own though!

Yes I agree is fairly intense and have personally much preferred to go for 4-5 year age gaps. However did have 2 of mine in under 2 years and there were positives, they were at similar stages which meant outings etc much easier, could play on the same level, plus they’ve always been very close, even now as adults. I was much younger when I had them and a lot more energy but now don’t think could manage 2 under 4s!

The way we breastfeed now compared to say a remote tribe or nomadic lifestyle is worlds apart
for breastfeeding to be an effective contraceptive it essentially needs to be more consistent (read constant this is not meant to be any sort of dig at breastfeeding in the modern age or indeed advocating for it as a contraceptive ) than we do now - no dummies, no supplemental feeds, no pumping and feeding, feeding for comfort and food, etc etc that combined with a far less nutrient dense diet and a far more calorific lifestyle in general meaning nursing mothers bodies would not have started ovulation Until natural weaning because their bodies would have still been loosing fat stores to feed their existing child.
we wean (as in supplement with food) at 6months in say cave men era this would have been closer to 2 or even 3
it's weird but true
you couldn't recreate it now I don't think unless you literally lived like a cave man or hunter gatherer

…..No?

I responded to pp agreeing with her that she couldn’t think of anything worse than having a 14 year old and a month old. 🤔

14 months between mine. First alcohol after stopping breastfeeding did the job. You could have knocked me down with a feather. I was very careful after 2nd was born.

Def very full on unless you have great help. But we all different. 2 creche fees is tough going too

Personally I only have 1 child but always wanted to wait for a 3 or more year age gap (which is now irrelevant as a single parent😂) because I felt like it would be easier to get things like toilet training out of the way, and I’d imagine having a baby with a child in school can take some stress off too. But mostly for me I felt that I wanted to be there as much as my DD needed me and didn’t feel that would happen if I’d have to then divert time & attention away from her. Kids need you so much when they’re small and I feel for those who lose out on that
(not saying that happens for all children with siblings, but for me I didn’t think I could stretch that much between 2 or 3 and still do as good a job)

I’ve not seen the threads myself, just wanted to reply about it being intense, omg yes it is, mine weren’t all under 2, however when my twins were 2 years and 3 months my 2nd set of twins were born. The older twins loved and adored their little sisters, but at the same time I do remember it being so intense for around 5 years, having 4 so close in age was honestly so hard at times, trying to change bums and feed babies while the older twins were bouncing off of each other and at times being a little bit feral. Now that they are 9 and 7 it’s easier, but they do love to love each other intensely one min and then the next it’s like they hate each other

I had 2 under 2. On purpose. Yes, it's intense (especially when throwing covid and PhD into the mix) but has been wonderful. Really tough in the early days but now they're such lovely little friends. We wanted the baby stage our the way asap, I wanted to focus on my career uninterrupted again, and I loved the idea of them being in consecutive school years. Each to their own - we're all different.

So there are 17 months between your children, but you think a 13 month gap is awful/no way you'd do it etc?

So a 17 month age gap is OK, but a 13 month one isn't?

It's literally a 4 month difference.

Oh that is unjust!! One of the things I liked about 2 back to back was 4 years no periods!

Our age gap will be just over 4 years when our second arrives, I didn't feel mentally, physically or financially ready to have any smaller an age gap.

I don't think there is a perfect age gap, I just think each family has their own take on it and it depends on loads of things like the village around you, whether you work and have to pay for nursery, the temperament of your children and how you feel.

I fully breastfed all 4 of mine and never skipped a period!

A new born and a 20m old I found a doddle and that's not gloating , i mean compared to being 3 and 5 for example. A park where they both wanted help on 2 separate thing's. One needing the loo and other one not wanting to leave.
2 different personalities enjoying different things, one more wild and daring preferring tree climbing having eyes in the back of my head. one preferring cinema for example whilst the other hated it.
After school activities. Different pre school and infant school. All that stuff that comes with school's ( ours does loads and loads of events )

Is this really true though?? I didn't so much plan my second as not worry about preventing, but I was fully breastfeeding when I conceived - and I knew a lot of people who breastfed for ages, matt of them got their period back within a year or two, not 3 or 4

Historically humans exclusively breastfed on demand and baby wore and co slept
due to that the natural gap between pregnancies was 3/4 years essentially the natural weaning point
it's actually pretty modern phenomenon (yes Victorian Britain etc is modern in anthropological terms) to have children so close
that said there is no right or wrong and any age gap is fine if it's what's meant to be for your family

We have 3 years between ours but my eldest has a disability & delayed development, so is much more like a toddler although he is 10. 2nd child was very much wanted but never planned as such because we had so much going on with the first. It was infinitely easier while they were both in the baby & toddler stage to entertain them & for them to find a middle ground. Now my eldest, who is neurotypical is 6, it is sooooo much harder as they have totally different interests and abilities. I can defo see how, despite the initial challenges, having 2 close in age developmentally is easier!

I was thinking the same.

I wouldn’t want to go through the baby stage again once I got out of it so mine are 17 months apart.

Not everyone sends their kids to nursery, we needed a new car seat for second one when baby was born anyway so they just got passed down to youngest, I got my double secondhand on marketplace and have used it religiously as a double and single!

If only I had of known what I do now, there is no way I would have had them so close, even though it wasn’t actively planned that way. Our second turned out to be twins so we had a 16 month gap and three under 2. It’s been so so difficult and has very nearly broken me. It’s only now that my older DC has hit 2.5 that he’s getting easier and his speech and communication is so much better, things are starting to improve slightly, but now the twins are on the move (13 months). It’s just really intense. But they will all be going to school within one year of each other..every cloud 😂 I think a three year gap would have been perfect, but I’m not a young mum so couldn’t have had too big a gap. It’s also financially crippled us, so I get why people wait

My eldest two were very jealous of ds when he was born (10/11 years difference) bit adored dd3 when she was born (14/16 year gap).

I much preferred the smaller gap between dd1 and dd2 (19 months) than the 4 and a half years between ds and dd3. It was exhausting for the first couple of years but they've always got on very well and had similar interests.
There were 12 months between me and my brother and I loved us being so close in age.
Dd2 has a 2 year old and I hope she has dc2 in the next year so they have some things in common. Of course different things work for different people.

What they said 👆🏻

Currently have a 17m old and a 3m old - yes, it's relentlessly exhausting.
But ... in a few years it'll be so much easier for me. Same school run, same bathtime/bedtime etc.
My brother and sister have a 4yr gap, and have absolutely nothing in common. I wanted mine close in age.