What is the obsession with 2 under 2?

I think when it comes to siblings getting on well its down to personality rather than age gap. There’s 5 yrs between my brother and me and we’ve always been very close, I’d still consider him my best friend. My DC have a 3 yr age gap and are also close but don’t seem to have the friendship that my brother and I have always had.
DH has two brothers and they were ‘3 under 3’ - my MIL says this all the time - I think she’s still in shock. They aren’t close and only see each other when MIL arranges a family get together.

Interesting. I didn't exactly think about it but more or less exactly first one turned one I became very broody and absolutely obsessed with giving her a sibling. Took a year as I had two miscarriages so they are 2.75 years apart.

It works well for us but I guess you make whatever set up you have work.

One thing I do wonder on these threads is difference between this generation and when we were parented. Like siblings that don't get along - I think previous generations just shrugged their shoulders and accepted it, I think we as parents would intervene and encourage them to find a way to connect. Or it could actually be perspective and all these kids people think adore their siblings are thinking resentful thoughts and will drift away in adulthood.

Probably the pressures of having a perfect nuclear family with siblings close in age so they play together? Or maybe it’s having kids later so can’t afford to wait a long time between them?
I’ll have 8 years between mine, they won’t be close in age but at least my amazing firstborn is independent and means it won’t be as hard when I’ve got a newborn (:

We had two under two, which was almost unexpected as I got pregnant straight away with DD2, having taken 6 months to get pregnant with DD1!

But I love it and would prefer that over a larger age gap - I have a similar age gap with my big brother and we've always got on well. I also wouldn't fancy having them in very different stages of life.

For us, it was also beneficial financially as I went back to work full time on paper between them, but actually used my accrued leave to be part time, then got my second mat leave on full pay, then went part time officially.

I've seen all sorts of age gaps work well and produce siblings who get on well, but from what I've seen about five to seven years seems toughest on the parents. (Bigger than that and you start to get a different dynamic again.)

I know someone who wanted just a single year between her children and so she would start trying at six weeks postpartum, hoping to get pregnant by 12 weeks or so. It worked and she remarkably has four kids with a year (less than a year in one case, they were almost in the same school year 🤯) because she conceived early and he came a bit early. It makes me womb ache just thinking about it. Two were C-sections. I’m sure her doctors must have been despairing a bit.

Another friend was desperate for 18 months like her and her sister. Even the idea of being pregnant again with a nine month old make me a bit achy.

There’s three years between mine, though I did have a loss in there.

We actively avoided 2 under 2 because we wanted siblings that were "close" to each other rather than in age and it's truly worked for us.

I remember the research at the time suggested this due to less direct competing for attention/toys and sibling rivalry in general.

Genuinely still surprised people would do it to make their kids "close" but like the previous nanny poster maybe they've not had much experience of kids!

Not that 2 under 2 is bad. At all. There's often so many reasons (and I'd say the opposite 2under 2 is usually for the parents to "get it out the way" ) but you still have those kids for a lot longer than the pre school years.

I definitely wouldn’t suit two under two! I’ve waited until mine would be in full time education until trying for a third. The practicalities didn’t make sense on a personal level. I couldn’t imagine how I’d manage another tiny one to EBF all day or fit on my lap or carry around. I’m ND and hypermobile with a good few issues in relation to Hypermobility. I take my hat off to those who feel they can choose it and I’m sure I’d end up finding ways to manage if it happened to me, but I’d never personally choose it.

I'm sure I was told by someone medical that health-wise it's best to leave at least 18 months between giving birth and getting pregnant. Which gives you a minimum 2.5 year age gap.

Financially, I think it depends on whether a parent is taking time off or putting both children in full time care. Lots of 2 full time parent families at my DC's nursery, and I see a lot of 3-4 yr age gaps, presumably so that you're getting free hours or eldest are at school before the next set of nursery fees. I can see it's different if a parent is staying home or going very part time - doing that for a shorter period is easier.

I think the opposite and 2 under 2 isn't great for kids you'd only do it for logistical reasons for the parents!

I think aiming for 2.5 - 3.5 in an ideal world (where bodies comply and all that) is far better for the children. Less squabbling and fighting and sibling rivalry and still close enough to enjoy the same outings and trips.

If time had been on our side I think a bigger age gap would have been much better. Older child could have pacified himself while running around with the younger. And cheaper for nursery, school fees etc. 2.5 years between mine.

My observation would be that a small age gap is better for the kids and a large gap is better for the parents. We had both in my family and the large age gap kids just don’t have anything in common. This is also true of friends; my closest friend grew up with a 2.4 year gap with her brother and then 6 years between them and the older sister and their sister just never jelled with either of them, she’s close with her parents but politely distant from her siblings now.

It’s a tough first year with a small age gap, then the kids just tend to roll along together nicely. As a PP said, if you’re having kids for you then a big age gap is easier, if you’re hoping for close siblings go small gap and ride out the hard bit.

21 months between my 2. I didn't start my family till I was in my mid-30s and didn't want to be changing nappies in my 40s. It IS exhausting now that they're both toddlers but it's also great watching their bond grow and seeing how close they are.

We had two under two because I had awful pregnancies and just wanted to get them over with.

It’s been perfect for us. They’ve always played together well, we got the hardest childcare bit over in one go and now they are best mates (who of course try to kill each other regularly also!). I didn’t find it some frazzled, stressful nightmare (weird people assume that when they haven’t experienced it, I don’t assume I know what a bigger age gap feels like).

Also - I have siblings ranging from 18 months older than me to 15 years younger than me. I have different relationships with all of them that having nothing to do with the age gaps, just the individuals!

2 under 2 is top humble brag territory, for frazzledness. Only trumped by 2 under 1.

A 2 year gap is seen as a good gap to have . Like it's the expected gap, and we'll organised . It seems like rather an old fashioned way of thinking.

Well I had one at 33 and one at 40 - worked out just fine!!

Two under 2s is horrific in my view. You’re in survival mode - and the number of posts in here about the impact of a baby and toddler on a relationship suggests it’s not ideal. We couldn’t afford two lots of nursery fees at the same time. We didn’t intend to have a huge gap but we didn’t start trying for our second until DS1 was over 30 months. I’m 3 years older than DB and DH is 5 years older than his DB. It never occurred to us to have a small age gap between ours.

We had two under (20 months between them) and it's been great!

But I had no idea this was a 'thing' and we certainly hadn't specifically planned it - It just happened.

There’s 5 years between me and my brothers and they have a 15 month age gap. The larger age gap made just meant we had nothing in common, we’re at completely different life stages at different times etc. It was quite tricky for my parents to sort holidays as a family as my brothers would want to do younger kids things whereas I’d want to do teenage things so I just stopped going on family holidays at 14 as I was so bored.
We get along fine now, but don’t have a close sibling relationship. Whereas my brothers are pretty close and go on holiday together as they actually grew up together.
I also think financially and work wise it makes sense to have kids close together. Plus myself and most of my friends didn’t start having kids until early 30’s so you feel you have limited time to have children if you don’t want to be in your 40’s with a toddler.

I worked out 2.5 years was the smallest gap I could get away with without having to pay two full sets of nursery fees
Child 1 had gone to 15 free hours by the time child 2 started. It worked well for us and they get on really well. Anything less than 2.5 years would have crippled us financially. Luckily we didn't struggle to get pregnant but if that was the case I would have started trying earlier and taken the risk of 2 under 2.

I had 3 under 2.6 years at one point, and then a four year gap and then 3 more with 2 year gaps.

I had 2 under 2. Not planned and it was bloody hard as neither slept well. They fought like cat and dog for a while but are very close now. It was a slog until they were aged 3 and 2. It was easier at that point because dd1 was at preschool so they both got one on one time. Nursery was expensive with 2 in childcare. I waited till ds was 3 ttc my 3rd child and that age gap was much easier on my body, mind and finances.

I don't understand the obsession with having 2 when your first child doesn't sleep or you have a partner that does basically fuck all. I've read it many times on mumsnet and have seen it in real life. I feel like saying , 'give your head a wobble' and why on earth would you make your own life harder?

I have a lot of friendships from childhood and high school. The siblings that have always got along more and are closer are either the ones with 2-year gap or those with massive gaps (10 years or more).

There’s 5 years between my sister and I. Growing up, it was shit. I was 8, she was 3. I was 12, she was 7, I was 15, she was 10, etc. Ages where there’s never anything in common but we always had to play together. I was always very envious of my friends who just had one or two school years between siblings.

DD is nine months and she’s pretty easy. She can sit up and play a bit with toys and entertain herself, she sleeps well, has predictable nap times and yet is not walking or having tantrums. If she was my first I guess I can see how you might think … we will have another one 😂

If I got pregnant now DD would be 19 months when the baby was born - noooo thank you!