To never leave the house ever again

Same experience when mine were toddlers, they both fight in the trolley, all the stares and disapproval looks from others. I still remember how awful I felt. I stopped taking them to supermarkets, I either shopped alone when DH looked after them or online. That was 15 years ago now.

Sorry I know its not funny, but it really made me laugh, I’d forgotten my oldest used to do this too!
She would say ‘hep meeeeee’ SO loudly. Little turd, 😂

Your post made me sad. I can still remember a shopping trip like that when my two were small. I was near to crying or just running away or something. Except in my case instead of a woman being critical of me a woman came over and told me what a good job I was doing and empathised with how hard it is with two small children. It instantly made me feel better and feel like I could manage the rest of the way around tesco without abandoning them! Mine are big teenagers now and that ladies kindness still stays with me and has made me pass it on now whenever I see someone struggling.

It does get better, it's nothing you are doing wrong, it's just little ones being little ones, the vast majority of people understand that

One of my children got into a habit of daily tantrums. My husband misguidedly tried to reason and jolly him out of it. It got worse and worse. I told my husband I was lowering the boom on both of them as his way was obviously not working. As soon as the toddler kicked off he was ignored and we, ideally, left the room. It's quite a lot of work when you're having to lie on the floor and keep screaming, yelling and flailing - and you don't have an audience. The tantrums almost entirely faded away because he was just ignored. This is much harder to do when you're out of course but I wouldn't be trying to reason or negotiate with a crying two year old. I would try to find out what was wrong but stop if there was "nothing" wrong. Your daughter has worked out that she can turn you into a babbling idiot offering all sorts of treats to shut her up. That woman had no right to talk to you like that though. She probably didn't raise children or it was so long ago that time has cast a rosy glow over the toddler stage.

Some children are just easier. My second child very easy going child never cried as a baby unless he was hungry or hurt. He gave a squawk when he was born then started looking round. His elder brother was born screaming non-stop. They lifted him over the screen for me to see and I couldn't really see his face because it was all scrunched up as he screamed as loud as he could.

There was one supermarket chain that I always tried to avoid because although it was much cheaper, it took much longer to navigate round and get through the checkout and pack the groceries. I just decided that I was going to pay slightly more not to have the stress of shopping there with whining children.

@Neveralonewithaclone oooh this made me giggle, I bet you got some funny looks I hope he’s grown out of this now 😂

Oh what a thoughtless lady saying that.
Mine is a bit like this so sometimes I kept her have a screen in the shop and then I get judged for that instead of her crying 🤦🤣 but at least the experience is quieter.
This too will pass, I promise xx

I can’t even believe how rude that woman was! I only know too well the stares and comments with my toddler (and I just have one kid to deal with!). Last week DD and I went to a bakery. Just before we got there a woman rushed in front of us to make sure she got in front. She looked around at my pram and DD in irritation when we lined up behind her. The woman was rolling her eyes at me and the pram.

So I clipped the pram into her foot after a minute in the pretence I was distracted by the display lol. I said, “Whoopsy.” I saw her turn to glare but it didn’t bother me. I laughed about it with DD on our walk with our lovely apple scroll.

I won’t allow anyone to make me feel like rubbish when out with DD.

OP - You sound like a really great mum and don’t let these rude people stop you from going out in public.

talk in a soothing voice, ask if she wanted to help with shopping, asking if she wanted a cuddle, to sit in trolley instead of pram, if she wanted pram snacks, to watch something on my phone etc,

No, no and no. You are basically begging with her and handing her all the power. Far too much choice (and a phone at this age is not on). No wonder she was overwhelmed. A good firm ENOUGH/NO is what children like this need to hear and you just get on with the task in hand, no communication. She will get the message or burn out from hollering eventually.

As for the other woman, ignore her. You don’t know her, her opinion doesn’t matter.

Ah, the toddler stage. My eldest is 18 and I still remember him screaming so much the whole of Sainsburys went silent, and how red my cheeks were with embarrassment. He has ASD so we have quite a bit of yelling and screaming in public over the years.

I have helped other mums in this situations, if I have time because parenting is tough and noone deliberately makes their child scream and tantrum in public. I’ve got several kids toys from my own kids childhoods in my bag that I take on planes for example to pass to frazzled parents. Little toy cars and those mini figures like Paw Patrol. I will ask the parent first if they think their child would like it, I don’t randomly thrust old toys at kids 🤣 but only ever once been told no thanks.

Hi OP,

I wonder if it would be good to take your DD to a paediatrician or a child psychologist?

I'm just wondering if there might be something really simple wrong like a grumbling ear infection that is making her properly crabby?

I had a really hard time with my DS and every middle aged woman on the face of the earth had an opinion about it.

In the end it turned out to be wheat intolerance, and an intolerance to the vitamins that are added to breakfast cereal.

I was nearly blind with tiredness, and ready to throw all well-meaning strangers through a window by the time I figured it out.

I'm still picking up the bits now, ten years later, as the toddler years are a key developmental stage and we missed such a lot with DS being basically really unwell for 4 years as a baby and toddler.

Keep your eyes peeling and you will work it out, but it might be good to ask an expert or two for a second opinion.

@CountryMumof4 brilliant.

Op huge huge hugs!

Online shopping is your friend OP

I'll never forget (and this is going back 19 years) being in Tesco with my son, who was having the most tremendous meltdown, kicking and screaming on the floor for ages. The amount of disapproving looks I got for not managing the situation was awful, but nothing I tried would work. In the end, I simply laid down quietly next to him (very odd, I know). He was that startled, he came out of it almost instantly and came over for a cuddle. A lovely lady came up to me a couple of minutes later to say how well I'd coped - which meant the absolute world to me, particularly as a young mother. I still remember her kind words vividly, and wish I'd seen her again to say how much her kindness meant to me. Shopping with toddlers can be a nightmare, and I'd say most parents that see you struggling out and about will feel nothing but sympathy. Ignore all of the others!

@AutumnLeaves333 oh they're much easier ages (usually) 🙂

@alrightluv they are 9 and 12 now so it was a while ago! Thankfully no more jam smashing since then!

@AutumnLeaves333 that made me so sad to read that. How old are they now?

Oh pp that's a doozy. Smashed jam is not fun for anyone.

Ds2 used to scream in the supermarket. A woman once came up to me and said "will you shut that kid up" I said I'll fucking shut you up in a minute. She scurried away.
He's 24 this year and a sweetheart. I love telling the stories about him though in front of him of course 🤣
Pps are right it will pass.

I started getting my food shop delivered when twins hit two and dtd1 would bite dtd2 in the trolley! I’m a massive fan of our local Asda though as they had a baby event on and I needed 3 stair gates (lived in a town house) so had them piled up on the trolley and was trying to get bread and milk but dtds were screaming. An Asda manager came over with a member of the Asda team and said her colleague was going to shop with me, whatever I needed and don’t worry how long it takes, then help me carry things to the car. I’m guessing I looked pretty stressed but they were so kind. I was very loyal for years after that.

If if makes you feel better I once took my 2 yo to a village fayre thing where he screamed the entire time then when I turned my back to help dd with something he managed to tip up the buggy with his flailing and screaming and started a domino effect which sent an entire stall of jams smashing to the ground.

The entire place went silent and and everyone glared at me as I picked up child and buggy and began helping the jam lady collect smashed jam jars all while ds continued to scream and scream. I had to give the woman all the cash I had to recompense for the jam meaning dd couldn’t buy the thing she wanted and also started bawling. I dragged them both away screaming with everyone staring after us. I honestly thought about moving to a new area and I stopped going out with my kids for a while as I was so embarrassed!

You poor thing. Your post brings back horrible memories of when my kids were that age. Thankfully I had the luxury of leaving them with dp. I refused to take them to the shop for about 3 years, and still avoid taking them if I can.

I'm so sorry you had the judgey comment. That's horrendous. Why anyone feels the need... I was lucky and remember some random words of encouragement at the worst times. It got me through.

I see others going through this. Sometimes I stare because I remember and I'm trying to muster the courage to give words of support, but just can't put it together.

Please just take some time for yourself tonight and try and go straight to laughing at it.

Probably the lady doing the restaurant post 😜

when mine were younger I always did online grocery shopping with home delivery, it’s just so much easier! Then just picked up a couple of bits here & there when needed & not with child. When you have even 1 young child, and especially 2, the best advice I can give is to limit outings to activities & environments that are low stress for you and that are good for the children. Lots of parks, baby/toddler groups, farms, child sessions/areas in museums etc.. It’s just better for you & for the kids. Supermarket/shops just aren’t fun for any of you, you can easily do your grocery shopping online, even when you just need a few bits short notice you can use the quick shop option with most supermarkets/deliveroo/Amazon groceries etc and get deliveries within an hour or so.

The key is to make your life as low stress as possible, take advantage of the many convenience services in our modern society that can make your life easier, it’s so necessary when raising 2 young children :)

This is the type of helpful advice many counsellors, health visitors, family support workers, childrens centre worker, nurses etc give mums/parents. Don’t let the mum guilt get you doing things you don’t need to worry about :)

You poor thing, sounds horrific. I remember the annoying people who seemed to have forgotten what it's like to have kids but there are also mum's who remember it well. Some days are asshat heavy though.
Be brave and keep at it!
I was lucky in that I used to give dd a box of raisins and she'd be focused on getting them out for a good 15 mins at least. I used to call them my sanity raisins 😁.