To never leave the house ever again

Online food shopping for a bit I think! (I used to send DH. By himself).

There is a wonderful book we had around this age. It really cheered me up. It's called 'My Big Shouting Day'.

Unlike the horrible person in the supermarket, the author really gets it!

echoing others,

• two word instructions like “no hitting” or “no pushing” work best for 2 year olds.
• if they are kicking up a fuss in the car park, don’t carry on just go home. When ours were little one of us would stay home while the other did the weekly shop. Top ups were on the way home from work. It wasn’t worth it to us to get our own way as it would stress all of us out.
• i know she is only 2, but if meltdowns and pushing/hitting persists to age 4-5, then ask for an autism asssessment
• home deliveries are a boon. If you can afford them, go for it.

@CarterBeatsTheDevil How am I being obtuse?! I'm asking a question ffs. If OP is involving the kids in shopping when they don't want to, then I'm not surprised they're screaming

You're more restrained than me. My DD did similar when she was about 18 months and in the end I decided to carry on shopping. A couple told me I should be paying attention to my child who was so distressed and not ignoring her.
I was seven months pregnant, tired and hormonal so I said very quietly that if they thought they could do a better job at 7 months pregnant and on 4 hours sleep they were very welcome to try.
They looked embarrassed and fucked off. People are so rude sometimes. I'm on my third child now (and we're going shopping soon!) and have learned to ignore these people. Must have very sad lives if they have to comment on yours.
As others have said it does pass my eldest has just left the house for her first day of work. She's nothing like that tantruming 18 month old (that's her 3 year old brothers job now) and you will either laugh about it one day or totally forgot about it.

Oh, don't be obtuse

Its exhausting.
Is it just happening when shopping or using the car? Is it any occasion when you need to get somewhere (on time) or run an errand? Or is it really any occasion when you get out of the house, including ie a walk, playground, park? Or is it when you need them to stop doing whatever they are doing and leave or change activity?

Online delivery will save your sanity. Or go shopping while they are at nursery.

Ageism much?

Also I still remember over 20 years ago my son was having a noisy meltdown in a supermarket and I was ignoring him.

An elderly woman came over to me and I thought “ here we go, incoming busybody” but she was so kind. She reassured me I was doing the right thing and said “we’ve all been there”. Some people are so nice, others not so much 🤷🏼‍♀️

I used to drive miles out of my way to take my tantrum prone son to a supermarket with a crech as used to hate taking him to supermarkets so much. Not much help to you as they seem to have largely disappeared. More just to say - I understand. Taking young children to supermarkets can be hell and judgemental looks really don’t help.
I promise you it will pass.

Reminds me of a time I saw a lady with a little one in a pram in a pharmacy having the full screaming abdabs. I felt for her, she was clearly trying everything and just had to crack on and leave as quick as possible as best she could.

Some interfering bint did similar, shoehorned herself in giving it "poor baby! She just needs a cuddle why are you ignoring her!", leaned over to coo at toddler because obviously she's such a child expert she'll clearly be able to solve the meltdown, toddler promptly projectile vomited straight at her like a fire hydrant. Karmic justice at it's finest.

If only there was always a reserve of pressurised toddler puke to keep these interfering idiots at bay.

Hang in there OP, it doesn't last forever and you're doing great!

I had 2 sons with a 17 month age gap ( now 30 and 31) I now do childcare every Monday for my 2 grandsons with a 22 month gap. They are currently just turned 2 and 4 months. When it's good it's absolutely wonderful. When it's bad it's the most utterly knackering thing I've ever done in my life and I only do one day 7-5 then they go home ( and I fall asleep in front of Pointless). It is easy ,as a 58 year old, to forget how hard the baby/ toddler years are and how absolutely relentless it feels. Keep going. You will get through it. It's worth it in the end but sometimes you absolutely wonder why the hell you ever thought it was a good idea. Other people should just think " Does that woman really need a comment from me . No I don't think she does " and then just carry on with their lives. Try to ignore the ones who just can't.

Ah OP I wish you’d been in my supermarket, when I see a mum like you I always try to give a sympathetic look and an understanding word. I remember it well, it’s really tough. I gave up and went for online shopping.

Things will get better, just cling onto that - nothing lasts forever

I refuse to take both of mine out on my own (2 and 0) together unless it’s for a toddler focused activity. Otherwise it’s horrendous.

I generally do food shopping alone, there was one time I there an a mum was in a similar situation to you, I offered to help her and I did her shopping whilst she went to the play area outside and came back 30 mins later so all she had to do was pay. Sometimes we need our village even if the village is a stranger.

ignore the awful judgey woman, you know you were doing your best

From what you’ve described it sounds more like a meltdown than a tantrum. One of mine used to just get overwhelmed and turn into a little ball of rage but couldn’t bring herself out of it. She needed silence, a quiet space and sometimes to be held tightly/others to just be left alone. Talking was the absolute worst thing as it was just more stimulation. I wouldn’t have entered the supermarket at the point she started screaming- you were setting yourself up to fail really as once they’re in that sort of state you can’t then easily get them out of it.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Online shopping is your friend here. I don’t think I ever took both of mine for a big shop together. I’d still avoid it now they’re older tbh.

I work in a supermarket and last week we had the loudest toddler ever having a meltdown. She wanted a lolly ! Her mum was very firm and held her nerve . All the mums in the queue had nothing but empathy for her having been there themselves. Don’t worry OP . It’s a stage that will pass .

You sound like you were doing a great job, we can't smooth out every single thing for our children. You were kind and you offered some things to help her. Bet that old bag would be the first one to judge you if you gave her a packet of sweets or a tablet to keep her quiet.

This- I’d say similar - ‘Well I have tried that, obviously, and all the other things - but please go ahead as you add such an expert and while you’re at it - here’s my list of shopping to get at the same time and and I’ll just go over there and have a cup of tea and time you and mark you and the children out of ten and make judgy snide comments to other people’ or similar but I grew a backbone after a number of years.

But you are absolutely within your rights to order online. If you having a bad day - this will pass but they will be in nursery or school within a few years - but that’s not much comfort right now I know.

Big hug 🤗 we’ve all been there and shame on those that makes comments to a mum on her own with two screaming young kids.

DS was the same when he was 2. Massive meltdowns in shops. Lying on the floor yelling etc. I thought it was quite funny.
Surely people know that 2 year olds do this by now? My nephew is starting this at the moment.

My son was always a handful when we went food shopping. One time, when he was about 2/3, he kept running off and being a complete nuisance in a packed Asda. So I grabbed the hood of his jacket mid run but he carried on running on the spot. I lost my grip so he went flying and face planted the aisle - boy did he scream Asda’s down! Everyone seemed to just stop and stare. I still shudder now but equally I find it hilarious.

Big hugs OP - stick to online shops for the time being!

If I could give one word to define motherhood it would be: resilience.

Others may not know what you are going through but you have to be strong, if not for yourself but for your kids. As bad as this situation sounds it will only make you stronger as a mom so it's a learning curve, don't fret it.

An old man told my son to shut up in Asda a few weeks ago. The rage I felt was unrivalled. I very loudly said “Oh dear, that man is having big feelings too because he doesn’t like loud noises and he isn’t using his words very well. Come on darling, you’re still learning. Seems there’s no hope for some people” . Glared at him the whole time. My mum was in tears laughing at me because I’m usually fairly placid. I wanted to punch him in the throat, but couldn’t after telling my kid to have kind hands and not hit me because Asda changed the shape of their snacking cheese 🤣

I had some hideous experiences with my two when they were small, but luckily I didn’t get any judgemental
comments (that I heard anyway!). It happens and like you say, you had to buy food. Please t try not to take it to heart. The majority of people would have been sympathetic and not judgemental. I always feel for parents in these situations, remembering how tired and burnt out I was at that stage, just trying to get the essentials done. It will pass.

My little boy is 3 and I loathe taking him food shopping. It’s worse now he doesn’t fit in the trolley seat properly. He has always hated the supermarket, we’ve both cried many tears in there. Bumped in to my lovely neighbour the other week mid meltdown and she just scooped him up and had a little word. Lo and behold he listened for at least 15 minutes after that and held my hand 🤣.

It’s awful. Wouldn’t even attempt it with two. Only consolation is that EVERY other parent in there is having an equally miserable time. We did a full food shop on Sunday and had to go buy chicken yesterday because I spent half my time chasing the little monkey around the shop 🙃

Online shopping was my life saver in those days and leaving one child behind at home with dh. Just switch to online deliveries if you can but I appreciate that it's not always possible to do this and leave a kid at home.