To not want a funeral when I die?

My dw has had to many visits to our crematorium the worst being the loss of both her son's.our crem has a long drive way and it's a sickening journey.we discussed the direct cremation and decided it was what she wanted as well as myself.

I agree completely. I know what my partner wants, and if I’m here, I’ll make sure that’s what happens. It would be unimaginable to just ignore what he has asked for.

You’re not weird at all OP.

I won’t be having one based on my own experiences of funerals. I’ve lost a couple of people very close to me and it made me sick to see others who turned up to their funeral and treated it like a day out with free food. They weren’t close to he person, they weren’t upset, their lives would carry on as normal. I never want my partner and kids to have to deal with that when they’ll be feeling so sad, and I know they’ll respect my wishes. My partner feels the same and the kids think were right.

Probably doesn’t really matter what you do/don’t want as you will be dead. Your family will take care of logistics and likely do whatever they want. Pretty pointless trying to control from the grave I think.

My parents both chose direct cremations with no funeral (my dad, at a time when this was still very unusual), and I will do the same.

I don't think one can control what people do after one is no longer there; but one can express one's preferences. Many people (well, me anyway) would prefer, if we must grieve, to grieve privately, without other people watching and, with the best of intentions, rubbing grief in. And so often people have to go into debt for it.

I would much rather have some sort of formal or informal memorial event some time later that focuses on remembering the person who died as they were in life.

But of course when it happens to me, I'll be dead, and unaware of what's happening, so ultimately my family and friends can do what they choose. But I will express my preference for a direct cremation.

It doesn’t sound like you know whether she wanted one or not. If someone doesn’t want one, that should be respected. You would have to be a shit person to go against someone’s wishes.

I went to a funeral yesterday of a 41 year old friend who took her own life. She may have felt she didn't need one. But her family and friends certainly did. And I hope it helps her parents and brother.

It’s not about randoms. Anyone that lives you, genuinely loves you, would respect your wishes. It’s fucking rude to do otherwise.

@HidingUnderTheBleachers of course it's not. The person won't know anything about it. And many people find comfort in rituals.

I don't know why anyone cares so much. You'll be dead anyway. I'd rather ask my family what they think/want and plan accordingly.

How fucking rude. If the person wishes not to have one, and those left behind choose to hold one, that’s disgusting, disrespectful behaviour.

Funerals aren't for you. They are for the people left behind. If they feel they need one, then they should have one.

Have you actually arranged that already? It's hard to do.

Quite frankly, if I could be wrapped in newspaper, put out with the bins & taken away by the bin men, I'd be happy. Otherwise, bung me in a body bag & chuck me on the fire, return the ashes to ds who can bury them on Filey Beach.

DH and I want to be cremated & scattered. We are Christians but have no specific church so no religious requirements. We've told our sons that we don't want any services of any kind. And that if they want to 'remember us', then get together for a BBQ and swap stories.

My dad had a 'full blown' funeral (US=visitation, church funeral, graveside, 'reception') and I found it extremely stressful and sorrowing, not 'comforting'. Mum died during Covid and due to rules there could be no formal 'funeral', just a gathering of immediate family (about 8 of us) at her graveside. I read a brief passage from my grandmother's old Book of Common Prayer and we each said a brief goodbye. It was comforting and peaceful.

I don’t want a “proper” funeral as I consider it a waste of time and money.
I want my loved ones to treat themselves with the money saved … a short break / meal out etc

Far better that the living are honoured whilst they're alive. There are so many examples of distant relatives and people who never bothered when the deceased person was alive. The time for honouring is surely during someone's lifetime?

But, everyone has a different view and that's fine.

A quick visit to the MS Society for brain/spinal cord removal and then direct cremation no service for me and husband can chuck the ashes in the bin if he wants to. Everyone who matters knows and is fine with that. If they want a shindig at some point after they can have one.

I gained no peace from seeing my 80 year old father fall to his knees howling as they lowered my mother into her grave. Absolutely none.

That’s going to happen anyway. How else will you get to the crem? Not that you’ll know about it.

Same here. I've just lost a parent with the funeral costing way more than I ever want to spend on myself. I can't see the point. I'll leave some money for a wake and insist nobody is miserable.

Direct cremations have really taken off post Covid - a bit like working from home, in the sense that all the restrictions that were imposed made a lot of people realise that they didn’t really value the old practices anyway.

Direct cremation isn’t cheap, although it’s certainly cheaper than a funeral. What’s really appealing is the idea that those you love won’t have all the stress of contacting people, organising a service, transport, all that funeral-related stuff, flowers etc etc just at the moment when they feel most vulnerable and sad. I also don’t want them ripped off.Just thought of trawling a close family member’s contacts etc just after they have died and inviting people to a funeral fills me with horror. Much better to wait to organise a lovely day out once everyone is feeling better. I think a tipping point will soon be reached when more people favour direct cremations than funerals. It’s just a matter of time until funerals are no longer the ‘norm’.

Direct cremation for me. I would rather give my immediate family the money that would be spent on a funeral to travel somewhere nice and raise a glass for me. I love travelling

That sounds really nice & if I outlive my auntie it sounds exactly what I'd want so thanks, I just know she'd be really upset (& worried I'd end up in Hell 😆 ) if there weren't at least one or two prayers said

I do think it's important for family & friends to have an opportunity for a group focal point to say their goodbyes in whatever form that takes

Not remotely weird. I won't be having one, nor will my mother. No point, there'd be nobody to come to it. Cremation and scattering will be the way.

Just add, the money my estate saves on not having a traditional funeral is to be spent having a slap up meal and the best drinks after I’ve been turned to ashes.