To not want a funeral when I die?

Still doesn't give the right to expect a funeral.

I have a feeling this will become more and more common to be honest.

My Dad hated my Mum's funeral wake (he kept asking me to take him home and said he hated wakes) so much that after his death, my brother and I (as his executors) said we weren't having one. Our older brother said he thought we should and I pointed out that all Dad's friends had died, that hardly any family were coming and it was something he'd particularly said he didn't like. I was especially concerned at how few people would attend, which I felt would be sad and upsetting.

So we didn't.

Tbf, lots of people appreciate the ritual of saying goodbye to people that mean something to them. There are times when people lose touch due to life circumstances taking over, it's not necessarily a lack of effort things. It can just happen in the course of life.

My partner and I have had the fact that neither of us wants a funeral written into our wills.

What is sad is that so many posters are talking about how funerals are so important as they provide a chance to get together with family and friends that they wouldn't otherwise see

This is part of the reason I detest them so much. People who don't bother with you when you're alive all seem to have the entitlement and selfishness of needing a funeral for closure. Get off your arses and connect with people you haven't seen in years without thinking it's your right to have it at a ruddy wake.

I'm having a direct cremation, good enough for David Bowie! Funerals are a waste of money and unnecessary in my eyes. Funeral directors (many) upsell everything to push the price up, at a time when next of kin are vulnerable. The cars for example, why have limos for close family, everyone has their own cars these days! It's just another way to get £500+ out of relations. I no longer attend funerals either.

Our beloved dog’s ashes are also safely with us in a wardrobe 😊 I have also said when I go I want them to go with me.

We live in NZ and funerals are usually held within a few days.

There is in my opinion something to be said for the Islamic tradition of the burial the next day(?) as you are not waiting a long time which I think makes the dread worse.

Regardless of that, your choice and it should be respected. It does not stop your loved ones remembering you and celebrating your life in some other way.

I agree. I remember when my aunt died and I asked my uncle just before her funeral was to begin how he was doing, and he replied "I'll be better when all this is over" or words to that effect, which made me realise than not everyone thinks funerals are as special as some people would have you believe. As you said, to some they are nothing more than an ordeal.

I totally don't want one. I want there to be a designated day that everyone takes off to go to 'Persipan's funeral' and then they go do something nice that maybe I would have enjoyed. And then professionals can take care of my remains; I'm not in them anymore.

I would love for people to have a party and play a few good songs. I don't care where they put me, whatever suits them.

I thought this and still do a bit. However my dbro died and didn't have a funeral and I hated it.
My conclusion is thar funerals are for those left behind.

This has been a topic of conversation with me and relatives recently. I've been really ill and been in and out of hospital, and I'm so grateful to the NHS for all they've done for me in this shitshow of a crumbling health service the government had left us with, so I've decided to donate my body to the local medical school for people learning how to be Doctors and surgeons. I've read up on it from their own info, and also independent info and I'm definitely doing it..... Only problem is they won't accept my application until I turn 50. 😩

They have an annual service of Thanksgiving for families of those who donated their bodies, and the medical students also attend. It sounds a rather touching and meaningful event to both set of attendees.

I'm single with no children and no chance of having any so my direct line stops with me. I have one Niece and only a very small wider family so apart from friends there's no real need to have a funeral. In fact my friends would be surprised if I did anything so sensible and traditional as have one.

TRIGGER WARNING - NEXT BIT IS A BIT GRIM
I have also enquired as to whether I could be part of an experiment I'd seen. I want to be useful, but also very unconventional. I wanted to be left in a forest stuffed into a suitcase, by crime scene investigators who monitor levels of maggots and decomposition gases to help know how long murder victims have been left. This was a real thing they did, with a grid of m² squares marked out, with like 5 x 6 suitcases stood in a forest at different stages of body decomposition. But alas, I've enquired and the experiment has ended and no more need for bodies to be stuffed into suitcases. I was so enthusiastic about doing this, so settling for a medical student chopping me up to learn things and help others is the most adventurous thing I can hope for. 😩

O course one shouldn't deny one's family the right to hold a funeral if it helps them.

But by the same token, should one push one's family to give one a 'big send-off' if a big social gathering is likely to add to their pain, even leaving aside the financial implications?

I do think that sometimes people think that a funeral is expected of them, even if it's the reverse of helpful for them, and even if the person who died wouldn't really have wanted it/cared. I think that letting your family know if you don't want a funeral, or perhaps only a small family-only funeral, may sometimes relieve them of that pressure,

My four adult kids and their partners recently arranged to spend the weekend at my Mums house despite it being a long way for them and despite them all be busy people. To me that's much more important than getting together when someone has died. But that's not what people mean by meeting people you haven't seen for ages. It could be old friends, acquaintances etc. Anyway it's no skin off my nose as to how people deal with death

I don't know why that's sad as such? Most people don't get to see all their cousins etc that often. And it just so happens that funerals means that they are all in one place together. It takes the edge off the sadness, everyone has a story and people end up in tears laughing a lot of thee time.

What is sad is that so many posters are talking about how funerals are so important as they provide a chance to get together with family and friends that they wouldn't otherwise see.

As I've already mentioned my family have wholeheartedly embraced direct-to-crem with no service and I wonder if one of the reasons we all
Like it is because we get together just for the sake of it and don't need an occasion like a funeral to do so.

My four adult kids and their partners recently arranged to spend the weekend at my Mums house despite it being a long way for them and despite them all be busy people. To me that's much more important than getting together when someone has died.

I'll say it again. I understand why funerals are important to some people but they are not relevant or of any value to others. None of my immediate family are planning on having a funeral or service of any kind and that's the right thing for us.

@Coatsoff42 , i think dead bodies can be very traumatizing. My MIL and FIL were ‘on display’ and it was grim. Both of my parents had closed coffins, but my mother died very unexpectedly and, as I live overseas and had to travel back, the day after I arrived I was told (by relatives) I should view her body ‘for closure’. They were very insistent about this, but I vehemently refused. I was advised this was a huge mistake, I would regret it, etc. More than 20 years on, I am still glad I did not give in, and do not regret it in the least.

I don't find them cathartic in the least. Just an horrendous ordeal to be got through as best you can when you are in an extremely bad place to start with. All the family dread them and that is why I want to spare them the trauma. If they want to have a get together a couple of months down the line when a little of the sting has gone that's fine.

Thanks for answering my question earlier, @blackrosemage . I get it now.

I think the problem is when those left behind vary in what it is they need or prefer. Several people have said that the lack of a funeral didn't leave them in limbo at all. Others (more of them I think) have said that they did feel in limbo. I don't think there's a way to resolve that. And I certainly wouldn't want to leave sibling discord behind when I go.

There are things I don’t like about traditional funerals in England. I know some people don’t feel free to cry as much as they want to - the English seem to care more about looking dignified than letting themselves grieve. And I hate those ghastly receiving lines after the service.

That doesn’t mean funerals aren’t useful , but I think some countries do them better than we do.

As an aside, my husband is just after taking a call regarding his aunt who is near death. Likely in the next couple of days. So it's all very close to the bone this afternoon.