To not want a funeral when I die?

Certainly here (not UK), the medical schools return the body eventually, so it needs to be buried or cremated later, if not at the time of death. (And the law is a bit unclear here, so your NOK isn't, I believe, legally obliged to go along with your wishes to donate your body...)

My dad is donating his body to medical science so there will be nothing to cremate or bury. I said we'd have a few drinks in the pub for him

I didnt know that -- how interesting. I just looked up the regulations.

When making arrangements for the deceased’s burial, no embalming is allowed as this preservative could cause water pollution. Instead, a cotton sheet or biodegradable body bag may be used.

When you receive your licence, you will be required to give details of the coffin build and the MMO has the right to inspect the coffin before the ceremony takes place.

The coffin must have holes drilled through it and be evenly weighted with 200kg of iron, steel or concrete clamped to the base. Materials such as plastic, zinc, copper and lead are not permitted.

Sea burials are a thing in the UK. There are three approved sites including the needles. 🌊🌊🌊

If funerals don't help you then you don't need to attend, but IMO it's unfair to take that option away from those you leave behind, especially when it makes absolutely no difference to you either way.

A funeral helps SOME people to process their thoughts feelings and grief. For other people, having to deal with the social aspects of a funeral at a time when one is already grieving and vulnerable is PURE TORTURE.

But nobody has to attend a funeral - that's kind of the point. At least if there is a funeral, then people have the option to attend and get their "closure" that way, or not attend and do their own thing. If you choose "no funeral" then you take away that choice and potentially make things much harder for those left behind.

You're right that funerals can be awful for some but they can be cathartic and incredibly meaningful for others.

It really doesn't for me. I prefer working through my grief with no funeral. I like the process to be more natural and flexible not a fixed event.

A relative of ours had a Simply Cremation funeral. He was taken to a crematorium of his choice, his ashes were returned to the family and they held a lovely memorial ceremony and scattered his ashes on the farm where they lived. The step children all said a few words, it was all very personal to him and who he was. Absolutely lovely.
An old friends father wanted his body donated to science, so thats what they did!

A funeral helps SOME people to process their thoughts feelings and grief. For other people, having to deal with the social aspects of a funeral at a time when one is already grieving and vulnerable is PURE TORTURE. This is especially likely to be the case if there are tensions between the relatives who are attending, but for some people it's in any case important to have privacy in one's grief. I do think that in the past, the person who has died was more at the centre of the funeral than now. Nowadays, perhaps because the religious context has often been lost, the bereaved are often more at the centre; and for some people, having one's grief put on display and being subjected to condolence rituals can make an already unbearable situation even more unbearable. Also, for some people it can interfere with their ability to remember the person as they were in life.

I see in some of the posts here the assumption that the people left behind will always want a funeral, and that the person who doesn't want a funeral after their death is being selfish and unfair toward the living. Well, yes, sometimes that's the case. But surely it's the same the other way round: isn't it also unfair and selfish to demand a big send-off if this will add to one's family's pain? I think people should discuss their wishes with their family, and sometimes there will be no solution that will be acceptable to everyone. I tend to think that if ALL the family members feel one way, this should trump the wishes of the person who won't be there; but if the family members differ, then they should go by the wishes of the person who died.

But it shouldn't be assumed that ALL bereaved people need or are helped by a funeral; for some, it's the opposite.

Not for me it didn't. I found the scattering of mum and dad's ashes (they were mixed together), somewhere that meant a lot to them, much better when it came to processing everything. Being at the crem and both times seeing their coffins just made everything worse for me.

You're taking the grieving process away from the living. A funeral helps people to process their thoughts feelings and grief

We can flounce in death without the repercussions 😂

Brutal 🤣🤣

Well if we can't be selfish and entitled when we're dead when can we be!

Surely that's the one time when there is absolutely no point in being selfish and entitled, since you will benefit from it in no way whatsoever! When you're alive you generally have to balance your needs and desires against those of others, at least to a certain extent. When you're dead you will have no needs or desires, so why base what happens after you're dead on how you will feel? You won't feel anything!

You can request what you want but you won't have an ounce of control what happens when you're dead. You could be thrown naked into the sea for all you're aware.

Well if we can't be selfish and entitled when we're dead when can we be!

Hence the selfish and entitled part of my posts.

My parents both opted for a direct cremation. I was upset with the choice at first but accepted it was what they wanted. On both occasions I still attended and was invited in by the crem staff.

I think it depends on who the funeral is for. If it's for a child or young adult then I think a funeral would be very important.

It's a cultural thing in some respects? In Ireland, there has always been one way to do a funeral. Probably starting to shift slightly now, but generally funerals were mass, food, drinks. That's just how it's done for most people. I expect it might change, but that's largely how it still is. And (personally, despite not being Catholic), I think it's a nice way to do it.

It's about 25% (a little bit less) of funerals that are direct to crem in the UK now. So not exactly unusual.

One thing that I'm interested in is the belief by some posters that it's wrong to avoid traditional funerals because they are too emotional and upsetting. Do they belief that there is a benefit to the outpouring of grief that can occur at a funeral? We have had two loved ones die and have direct to crem funerals with no service or ashes at all and although we've obviously had times when we've been together and cried we've not had those overwhelming and hugely emotional moments that you might have in a funeral. I guess our grief has been more 'gentle' even though we've never shied away from it.
For me and my family I'm 100% convinced we've done it the right way but do some people feel they need to experience that intensity of grief that must happen at some funerals.

I understand why some people want and need funerals. I'm just curious of the exact details.

I doubt that's true. It's cheesy AF but you never know how many lives you've touched.

I don't want one either. To be honest, as I have barely any friends, no one would attend a funeral anyway.

My Dad's was in January 2023. The total cost was more than £4k and we only had:

Service led by non-religious celebrant at the crem. Cheapest of coffins. No cars other than hearse to bring Dad to the crem (all family went in own cars). Dad's ashes placed subsequently in plot with Mum's.

A large part of the cost is the funeral director's work/costs, plus crem fees, celebrant's fees (although I thought she was very reasonable for the work she did - she even came and led a ceremony at the grave plot).

There was no wake (see one of my posts above for reasons).

You can expect whatever you want, but any sane person should be aware there are no guarantees when they're gone!

I have no children and few relatives. I have a much younger brother (neither of us has anything to do with the older one) and if my partner dies before me, I really do not want him to have to arrange a funeral for me which would be poorly attended and cause him even more grief.

He knows my wishes and respects them.