To de-arrange the funeral?

It's unclear what has been prepaid. There's no gain to anyone in refusing to use a prepaid burial. It would just be vindictive.

But Bob is under no obligation to attend or to arrange anything extra.

I do think the funeral could stir emotions in Bob.
So using the plot that's already been paid for might be better in that Sam's wishes are carried out and theirs no question over what to do with ashes.

Some on the thread are treating the body like a bit of trash.
Bob still needs to be able to live with decisions made. Not just now but for the rest of his life.

Oh yes!!!!

I recall a story of a woman whose abusive mother died across the country. She and her husband drove over for the service and cremation and headed for home again with the ashes. On the way she began crying. He asked what was wrong and she said she didn't want her mother's ashes in their home but she was an only child and didn't know what else to do with them. He knew about the abusive mother and the miserable childhood. So he stopped the car, took the urn, walked off the carriageway and down the slope to the bottom where there was a small stagnant pool. He emptied the ashes there, and took the urn back to the car and they drove off.

My husband's ashes, half of them anyway, are buried with one of his beloved cats in our backyard garden. The other half is here for when his other cat passes away.

Lots of options.

LOVE IT !!!!

Not only is science fussy, you have to be signed up before you die.

Science is very fussy. Most bodies are rejected.

Bob and friend should do the legal bare minimum and leave Sam’s friends to pay for their own party, if they so desire.

Not being unreasonable at all. Let Sam’s mates arrange their own wake if they want to. Bob and other relatives don’t have to do anything they don’t want to in these circumstances.

Actually there is form in my family for friends doing something like this. When my Dad died, we only had immediate family at the funeral at my Mum’s request as she couldn’t face a big do at the time. My Dad’s mates did subsequently organise their own memorial/ wake a couple of months later, which I attended. So, my point being if Sam’s friends want to give him their own send off, there’s nothing stopping them. Bob shouldn’t be guilted into doing it. He can organise a ‘direct cremation’ - minimal cost, no fuss, no attendees.

In that case then use the plot and anything already paid for. Nothing else

That's isn't how it works. You can't just fake a will

It's totally irrelevant what Sam's wishes were - these are presumably 2nd hand accounts of that and not detailed on paper. If I were Bob I would cancel all but the minimum legal requirement and get on with my life.

Donating a body to science has to be officially arranged in advance of death, by the person concerned and even if that's in place, there is no guarantee it will be accepted when the time comes (factors such as cause of death, etc)

If the supporting relative can ascertain whether there was a prepaid funeral plan then any arrangements made can go ahead. Neither the supporting relative or Bob should get involved or attend. If no prepaid plan then the supporting relative could arrange the cheapest direct cremation possible and the bill can be paid from Sam's estate and the ashes scattered. If Sam's "friends" wish to organise and pay for a wake that's fine but Bob and relative need not be involved.

It's the dead person that pays for their own funeral, the LA will only take over if there are no assets. And the funeral comes first before any debtors are paid.

It sounds like Sam had assets. Bob should do a direct cremation and ask the crematorium to dispose of the ashes any way they wish.

good plan

I'd do a direct cremation and give it to the mates. I wouldn't want to be organising it at all. If it's already been paid for then ring up the company and ask them to sort it all out with a nominated mate if the deceased, at no extra cost.

Are the friends on glue? Bob & relativeshould ignore them. If pressed tell them to do it themselves.

No funeral at all, Bob donates body to science. Job done.

We've just arranged a direct cremation for a relative who wanted one.

We've been told it could be 12 weeks before we get the ashes back. Which is fine.

But it struck me that if you have a similar time frame with Sam these 'friends' will have probably buggered off by the time that rolls around.

Absolutely the estate should do nothing less than is required by law, if that's just disposing of the body in a hygienic way, then that's what happens. Cremation's the cheapest and no need for anyone to be present or any sort of service at all.

I wouldn't use the burial plot either I don't think. Fuck Sam. Tbh I'd be tempted to send the ashes to landfill if Bob thinks that would be cathartic. Or use them for cat litter.

Cheapest coffin, no flowers, just a direct burial. Her friends can pay their own respects and organise a wake. It’s a wonder she has any friends if she was like that. I know they don’t realise that but people usually show their true colours at some point!

Friends of Sam feel this is cruel and they should “be the bigger people”. As there’s no will, Bob is legal next of kin so in a procedural sense he does have the final say but who is BU?

Why the fuck do people think you become an angel when you die?

Bob should arrange the least he can as low key as possible, he also does not need to attend.

No wake required.

Sounds like Sam's friends want a nice pre-paid piss up.
Definitely don't spend much - a dignified send off but no celebration of life is more than enough.
I'm glad Bob is next of kin and will hopefully inherit the money and use it to make his life better.

Let the friends organise and pay for what they feel Sam deserves. Sam deserves nothing from Bob.