To de-arrange the funeral?

As there’s no will, Bob is legal next of kin so in a procedural sense he does have the final say but who is BU?

The friends. If they are so bothered, they can organise and pay for a funeral.

Your title suggests a funeral is already arranged? If there was a pre paid funeral or a will that specified what the deceased wanted (and there was money to pay for it) then the funeral could go ahead without Bob’s involvement. If not, just do the bare minimum. The friends can organise what they want.

Whoever pays for the funeral decides. I am assuming Bob won't want to pay for it, or the relative. So unless the friends chip in, or Sam had a prepaid funeral plan with instructions to a funeral director, Sam won't get the funeral they wanted.

Proper disposal of the body and paperwork processing are not the same thing as a memorial service. One is a matter of hygiene and bureaucracy. The later is completely optional.

the later also doesn’t have to follow the Christian model. It doesn’t have to be in a church or crematorium. It doesn’t have to be lead by a religious figure. It can be organized to the planners whims.

people like to make statements like funerals are open to the public, or you can keep it simple with direct cremation, but you can do whatever you want. you could spend the day at an amusement park and call it a funeral if you want.

How will Bob feel if an exuberant celebration goes on without them? Would that feel freeing for them, or distressing that the control had been taken away and they couldn't stop it happening? For some people walking away is obviously in their interests. For others I wonder if letting Sam's friends control the thing might cause more distress than they anticipate.

Interesting so many people are guessing Sam was male. My guess is female.

Sam's friends can arrange anything they like, but they have to pay for it.

What they cannot do is force Sam"s estate to pay for it unless Sam wrote a will explicitly detailing his wishes. If there's no will then Bob will decide what to do - the body has to be disposed of appropriately and if there is any money/assets left by Sam then that has to fund it but it can be very small cheap and simple. "Direct Cremation" is the cheapest - for about £1000 with no ceremony. If there isn't £1000 in the estate then you can apply to the council for funds to dispose of the deceased properly, Bob doesn't have to pay a penny of his own but can only inherit what is left over after any outstanding debts owed by Sam, and any funeral costs paid.

If Sam had wanted a lavish funeral, he should have arranged it before his death. Having disowned Bob, and not having entrusted the job to anyone else, you can only assume he didn't care that much.

I wouldn't be putting at stock whatsoever behind apparent "friends" who are probably just wanting to have their say on any action. A cremation, 500 quid behind a local bar, that's enough.

If it's been pre paid and arranged with the funeral director then just let it go ahead. I'd be tempted to be spiteful and turn up and tell all Sam's friends what a horrible man Sam was but in reality I would just not go.

If it hasn't been arranged then like fuck should Sam or relative arrange it!

Interesting point. I know when someone dies and there's no money for a funeral the council has to pay for a very basic one, but here there seems to be money but the closest relative who is going to inherit doesn't want a funeral. Somebody has to take responsibility for ensuring the deceased's remains are cremated or buried, though. Is there a legal obligation on the nearest relative to do it, or if it's left to the council could they then recover the money from next of kin, if any turn up?

What a horrible thing, for your only flesh and blood to feel this way about you (entirely justifiably, from the sound of it). Sam sounds like a nasty piece of work.

I'm fully in support of Bob.

What happens when someone dies and doesn't have anyone willing to arrange a funeral

Another relative has agreed to deal with the paperwork. That's what a funeral is, if there are no emotions. Paperwork.

What is your involvement?

What is your opinion and is it you that wants to 'de-arrange'?

Could Bob just not get involved at all. What happens when someone dies and doesn't have anyone willing to arrange a funeral? If the friends want to throw a party then that's their issue. Bob should just walk away. I would call this closure. Bob has no obligation to Sam.

There is nothing stopping Sam’s friends from throwing a lavish memorial service. The handling of the actual remains may fall to the legal next of kin, but that can be entirely separate from the public gathering. The body being present is not a prerequisite.

I don't know if it's possible to cancel a pre-paid funeral package, and try to get the money back. If Sam pre-paid their own funeral, I'd stand back and let that go ahead, but if the package doesn't cover all of what Sam's friends want, they can pay the excess themselves.

for Bob, and also for Bob's relative for stepping in. Tough time, I should imagine.

If Sam planned it, paid for it in advance and has it all set out ready to go then I'd let it go ahead but give it a very berth if I were Bob. If however this is all pie in the sky planning and Sam expects it all to be organised and paid for by Bob then I'd be having none of it. Sam gleefully abused and neglected Bob for all those years, if Sam or Sam's friends expect any kind of effort on Bob's part to give Sam this dramatic send off they can go forth and multiply.

Agree, I'd sort out a direct cremation and Sam's friends can do whatever they want to remember her. I would be quite happy to tell the friends exactly what the back story was though.

Yeah, another vote for leaving it to Sam's mates.

Bob has to do fuck all. He should tell them to feel free to reach into their own pockets if they want to but he will be paying for, arranging and attending nothing.

I’d have a direct cremation , if Sam’s friends want a big knees up they can have a memorial at their own cost .

If Sam's friends think Sam wanted a lavish funeral, Sam's friends can pay for a lavish funeral. It's more likely they want a big piss up at Bob's expense, so tell them to eff off or pay for it themselves, and watch them reverse ferret.

Sam's friends can arrange whatever wake or ceremony they want, and pay for it. They can arrange the whole funeral if they want, likewise. But if they don't want that, Bob can do whatever you do when you want to pay as little as possible and hand it over to the council to organise. (Disclaimer I have no idea how it works but assume there is some council employee who deals with funerals for people with no relatives or friends?!)

Anyone can attend a funeral. Have it at a crem. Generic funeral talk No nonsense by the celebrant. Attendees can go to the pub afterwards should they wish

Sam's friends can arrange their own memorial service!