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AIBU?

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Original poster

Move to bigger house or stay near DD's friend

67 replies

SadWench · 02/05/2024 15:56

We live in a nice house which we like and are so lucky that we have great neighbours who we all really like in a lovely cul de sac. Our DD5 has two close friends who live on the same street and we get along really well with their parents. The children play out together most days.

Our house is a bit small for us though - DH needs a home office, we need a spare room for visiting family and we would like to move about 2 miles away to be closer to the town centre.

The main thing keeping us where we are is our neighbours and community and I'm worried DD would hate to leave where we are now as she loves it. The upsides to moving would be more space and as DD gets older she could walk to things which she couldn't now. A few of her school friends live in the town so there would be people around as she got older but not that "open your front door and play with the neighbours" situation.

AIBU to consider moving in these circumstances?

OP posts:
Original poster
SadWench · 03/05/2024 07:00

Thank you this has confirmed what my gut was telling me about the community. It's as important to me and DH (.even though I don't think he realises) as it is to DD.

To those with slightly older DC do you think the playing out culture changes as they get older and when? There are only a few other children where we are now so I was thinking maybe once DD is 9/10ish a move to the town would be better and then she would be getting to the age where she can walk to the park with local friends maybe as there would be some of her school friends within walking distance.

OP posts:
greengreyblue · 03/05/2024 06:57

I do wonder why people are happy to pay higher mortgage payments for the of occasion people come to stay. Accommodation is their worry. Tent in the garden for one night? Blow up bed on living room floor is fine for occasional guests, you are not responsible for providing rooms.

Chillilounger · 03/05/2024 06:56

What's best for secondary schools?

DisforDarkChocolate · 03/05/2024 06:54

I'd never move for a guest room.

Is their no option for a garden office?

PieFaces · 03/05/2024 06:50

Move in a few years when she’s seven or eight?

Nappyvalley15 · 03/05/2024 06:49

Sounds lovely. I would stay for now.

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 03/05/2024 06:29

The community sounds really important to you, I think that's a good priority.

Other people might choose a bigger house, it doesn't make a choice to stay for the community wrong.

GreyCarpet · 03/05/2024 06:26

WomenLookingAtMenLookingAtWomen · 02/05/2024 16:24

You would be completely mad not to move house when you need to because of your five-year-old's current friendships, which may have changed by next week.

This.

Imagine that they were in your position. Do you really think they'd stay in a house that didn't meet their needs because of you and your daughter?

ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 03/05/2024 06:06

I'd stay and move in a few years.

sunshine237 · 03/05/2024 04:18

NorthernMouse · 02/05/2024 19:12

I wouldn’t move until she’s older.

Being able to play out with friends in a safe community is priceless.

We lived in a close where all the children played out. We were great friends with some of the parents. The first summer we lived there my 4 year old DS, who was a bit on the chubby side, slimed right down. If you watch children running around playing (for hours) they are getting so much exercise. And friendships. Instead of sitting inside on devices. All of this is even more important to an only.

I’d stay for 3 or 4 more years for that reason alone. Family can stay in a hotel. Garden office for your DH?

It’s not about staying for a 5 year old’s friends, it’s staying to give her the really rare (nowadays) lifestyle of playing out and being part of a wider family community.

I agree with this. I'd stay put for now.

redfacebigdisgrace · 02/05/2024 23:17

It sounds lovely. I would stay put for now.

Doingmybest12 · 02/05/2024 23:00

It's not really your daughters friends , it's the sense of community and you love your home. Not sure why it's been spun to be about your daughters friends as obviously she'd adapt pretty quickly. You need to make your adult decision about what's best for your family, how much do you need a home office and do you really need to be thinking about 9 years hence now.

NorthernMouse · 02/05/2024 22:49

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 02/05/2024 22:23

@NorthernMouse do you not think it's probable that a house a couple of miles away might also have a community round it like this?

No I think it’s rare, both in having the safe space, being able to supervise them playing easily, and having the ‘culture’ of playing out.

We lived in a close of 30 houses and nearly all the kids played out. All the time. And they only had the road to play in. No other parents I know (and who lived elsewhere) had their kids playing out. Now we live on an estate of 300 houses, with a big green and play equipment. Loads of kids live here. Occasionally I’ll see one child mooching on a swing, or even more occasionally a couple of siblings, but that’s all.

Userxyd · 02/05/2024 22:36

NorthernMouse · 02/05/2024 19:12

I wouldn’t move until she’s older.

Being able to play out with friends in a safe community is priceless.

We lived in a close where all the children played out. We were great friends with some of the parents. The first summer we lived there my 4 year old DS, who was a bit on the chubby side, slimed right down. If you watch children running around playing (for hours) they are getting so much exercise. And friendships. Instead of sitting inside on devices. All of this is even more important to an only.

I’d stay for 3 or 4 more years for that reason alone. Family can stay in a hotel. Garden office for your DH?

It’s not about staying for a 5 year old’s friends, it’s staying to give her the really rare (nowadays) lifestyle of playing out and being part of a wider family community.

This. I think you'd miss it too. All of your relationships will evolve as the kids get older and more independent, which might make you value that close safe environment all the more.

Your DD will need you and your DH to play with her far more if she doesn't have friends on tap, or else she'll be playing alone/on screen or you'll be driving to pick up/drop off play dates.

You would miss this lifestyle so much!!

We need more space too but we're far more cramped and still I'm loathe to leave our lovely road - it really makes so much difference and for your DD it's her whole life.

I think she'd be devastated - what would you gain compared to what she'd lose?

CatherinedeBourgh · 02/05/2024 22:35

A bigger house might actually feel smaller with a 5yo cooped up inside it all the time though.

This reminds me of a friend who was very despondent when her dds asked if they could move to a new build estate like their friends lived in - she lived in a pile in the country, worth several times what a house in the estate would be.

CherryBlossom321 · 02/05/2024 22:35

We did this in a very similar situation 7 years ago. We have enjoyed the extra living space but we really, really missed the community. Still do now sometimes. And DD, now 15, still resents it.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 02/05/2024 22:30

WomenLookingAtMenLookingAtWomen · 02/05/2024 16:24

You would be completely mad not to move house when you need to because of your five-year-old's current friendships, which may have changed by next week.

This!! Honestly I can’t imagine a situation where the entire universe would revolve around the friendships of a 5 year old!

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 02/05/2024 22:23

@NorthernMouse do you not think it's probable that a house a couple of miles away might also have a community round it like this?

Didimum · 02/05/2024 21:49

I would not stay in a house for the friendships of a 5yr old, no.

cestlavielife · 02/05/2024 21:41

Imagine your neighbours move next month. What then?

Branleuse · 02/05/2024 21:39

Your dd will make friends wherever, but i must say that having an area where kids can go out and play together is not as common as it used to be. I had that as a child, but my kids didnt, and i really think they missed out on a lovely childhood thing. Id be tempted to eke that out for as long as possible. It will be a godsend in school holidays.

greengreyblue · 02/05/2024 19:25

Hmmm it’s tricky. Depends how badly you need the extra room. Good neighbours and safe play spaces is hard to find.

LifeExperience · 02/05/2024 19:22

She's 5. Move to the bigger house. She will make new friends.

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 02/05/2024 19:14

As she gets older it will be great for her to be able to walk to things rather than you having to be her taxi every day. I would move, friends come and go, a bigger place is lovely and hosting family is great too.

NorthernMouse · 02/05/2024 19:12

I wouldn’t move until she’s older.

Being able to play out with friends in a safe community is priceless.

We lived in a close where all the children played out. We were great friends with some of the parents. The first summer we lived there my 4 year old DS, who was a bit on the chubby side, slimed right down. If you watch children running around playing (for hours) they are getting so much exercise. And friendships. Instead of sitting inside on devices. All of this is even more important to an only.

I’d stay for 3 or 4 more years for that reason alone. Family can stay in a hotel. Garden office for your DH?

It’s not about staying for a 5 year old’s friends, it’s staying to give her the really rare (nowadays) lifestyle of playing out and being part of a wider family community.