To think that first marriages are mostly a disaster.

Poppyg123
I would very much like to hear from any and all mums netters who ' were lucky enough to end up in wonderful first marriages'.
Eh me? And I know plenty of people happy out too! We’ve had crap, had to move in with dying parents, had a miscarriage, health scares, death of parents, obviously Covid (where we fought most because we had differing beliefs) etc etc but still have a laugh, fairly equal with workload but more since I went back ft to work. We love each other we laugh we argue sometimes, we hug a lot, he’s my better half and I’m his x
edited to add we have 4 kids and are married 18 years

I don't agree. I got married when I was 21, and most of my friends married at around the same age. With two exceptions, they are all still together, mostly after 35 years or more - 45 years in my case. The two couples who divorced remarried quite quickly and have been together since.

I think part of the problem is that people don't take marriage nearly seriously enough now and are far too quick to separate rather than working at their marriage. Like everyone else, I made vows to stay with my husband through thick and thin for the rest of our lives, stay faithful to him etc, and I would never have got married if I was going to leave at the first sign of trouble. I would have seen any sign of infidelity or violence by my husband as him breaking his vows and would have ended the marriage immediately, but other than that, we have always worked through any problems that we've had, as have most of our friends.

Isn't it just a matter of maturity (or lack of), which generally causes some younger people to make poor decisions, based simply on lack of life experience?

Younger people are more like to make poor educational/career choices meaning they change careers, retrain, go to Uni as a mature student, etc., as they find that their first choice didn't suit them after all.

Definitely not my experience. I know barely anyone whose first marriage has failed. The vast, vast majority of our friends and family got it right first time.

I agree with this.

How high school sweethearts couples are still together mid 30’s? Very few. Marrying someone you met at 17 imo is going to end in disaster and divorce.

I've only known a couple of divorces in my wider circle, although yes they were both relatively young when married. One they just grew apart apparently, and the other the husband threw his lovely wife such a curve ball of the type that couldn't have been predicted and wasn't possible to move past (I'll say because I can though that I always knew he was a selfish prick). Most other people I know of are still married and there was a range of ages at marriage starting from early 20s.

I think a lot of women who marry in their 30s are quite desperate and will go for almost anyone with a ... consequently not always that compatible and marriages fail.

How can first marriages last "statistically"... surely if they lasted they'd be the only marriage, not the first marriage. This doesn't even make sense.

I married at 19 and would still be married 40 years later if the bugger hadn’t died.

I would very much like to hear from any and all mums netters who ' were lucky enough to end up in wonderful first marriages'.

Maybe in the past... I know my mum certainly did!
But I don't think that's the norm now days. I only know two people my own age who've got divorced actually, because they married young. Everyone else I know that's married did so in their 30s and seem to be happy. I don't think there's as much pressure to get married now and certainly not in your twenties. So people I know who have married have done it after being together some time and have seriously considered it rather than doing it for the sake of it.
I married for the first time at 29 and I was 100% sure it was right. Still happily married 10 years later.
I definitely wouldn't have married if I'd had doubts. I didn't feel any pressure to marry nor did I ever think I would get married before I met my husband. It wasn't something I valued just for itself.. I only valued it when I actually met someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I was 35 when I got married, so is it destined to fail being the first or will it last because I've done it being more mature? 🤔

Oh so glad to have 'found' this thread wedding anniversary today (only marriage) thirty odd years . We have had good times ! I couldn't imagine living with anyone else .

I know some first marriages that were just 'starter marriages' that ended amicably before the stakes were very high. But a couple where they totally married the wrong person. And in one case, also married the wrong person second time unfortunately.

I’m mid-40s and literally can’t think of anyone fitting this pattern. Most married late 20s or early 30s, still together and seemingly happy.
Exceptions - one couple married quite young, split up as not right for each other, both perfectly sensible and nice people. No kids when they split. One friend thought she was in a happy marriage until she found out about his cheating. Finally one guy who had a disastrous first marriage and I don’t think his second is much better. He has… issues. That’s it out of all my longstanding friends, although there are a few school mums I can think of who have split up but not remarried.

Well of course their second marriage is happier if the first one didn’t work out!!!! I know a few people separated or divorced but more happily married with the normal ups and downs life bangs you over the head with (money, health etc)

Got married at 25. Turned 50 last year, still happily on my first marriage 😂

this 100%

later marriages are usually more considered. You walk into it with eyes open, you are older, have seen shitty behaviour from other people and are less tolerant of it in a partner, so you have higher standards.
People I know who got married at 30 ish are all still together, whether first or second marriages.

I was also in a serious relationship at 21 and I am so glad it finished.
Met dh age 30 and we're still here 25 years later

I actually don't know many people who have divorced. When I think of the weddings I attended in my 20s, colleagues of DH and I, our families, most people are still in the first marriages and for the most part seem happy from what I can see! I certainly am.

We're also quite unusual in that many of those people married young too, mid 20s on average, we were younger. We are mid 30s now. Perhaps we are still relatively young though, when I think back to my childhood, most divorces seemed to occur in the secondary school years and beyond.

Not really my experience, based on the people that I know. Do you know a lot of people who married very young, OP?

I'm not sure how useful divorce stats are these days - given the declining marriage rate. There are no stats on how long people stay in a partnersship, and whether it is their first or 6th.

IME with my friends there have been very few divorces/breakups. Most of us are heading for 20-30 year marriages/partnerships. The one person who I know married quite young (21) has had 2 divorces and is on her third partner at just over 50.