To not let partner live with me rent free…?

I think you’re the red flag if I’m honest.

He lost his job and he won’t be able to get another in his field for a few months makes me think he is a professional? Im assuming he got a redundancy package?

His parents offered to let him stay until he gets a new job - sounds perfectly fine to me.

He said he wouldn’t move in with you because he couldn’t contribute financially- green flag.

To me it sounds like you just want him to get any job so you can keep seeing him regularly , which is a bit selfish really. He obviously doesn’t want to get a stop gap job.

How old are you both?

I would and have taken any job to get me through and don’t have anywhere to go back to if times were hard so would have to take any job offered to me.

But he does have somewhere else to go back to, so that is what he has done! As he isn't in a position where he needs to take any job offered to him. I think you're just projecting what you would do in a similar situation and thinking that's what he should have done – his solution is a perfectly reasonable one.

No point taking any job at the moment or else he will leave them in the lurch when the right job comes

Why will it take a couple of months to find the job in his field

Your approach (and his) is very sensible.

He is not homeless but living with his parents and you not seeing him during the week, may well focus his mind on finding a new job.

It also makes it clear to him that you are not a pushover, he needs to be responsible for himself as an adult, and that partnership means just that, both contributing equally in some way.

Just be prepared to manage on your own if the same should happen to you.

Have you given your friends more information than you have put on here? If they have the same info I don’t see how they can think he’s taking advantage of you. If he was living with you rent free and no plans to find a job then of course yes I’d agree but he is living elsewhere to not take advantage of you. If you’re working full time can he travel to you after work to see you to take the pressure off you?

Sorry if I missed it but how long have you been together? I would personally find this relevant to understand how well established you are and how long you have been living together. I think if you are partners part of that is supporting each other through the rough times, I have and would again support my partner in these circumstances (but only if I could afford it which it sounds like you cant) and I would hope he would do the same for me

What's the red flag?

He's gone to his parents while he looks for a job

I mean this in the nicest possible way but it sounds like a you problem, you can’t see him as often as you like cos you work full time and he’s 30 miles away. You say you were planning to move in together until he lost his job which obviously changes/delays plans for you. You mention a red flag but the info you’ve given doesn’t suggest that at all. He said he doesn’t want to sponge of you so has willingly taken himself back to parents. How old is he? If his parents are ok with it and prepared to help that’s between them and their son. Doesn’t sound like he’s asking anything of you so I’m not sure what the issue is?

I think it's not a red flag that he's gone to parents and isn't pressuring you. It would be a red flag if he was guilt tripping you.

I let my ex move in in a similar circumstance and it was an awful dynamic - him sleeping in till 11 while I got up to work and then him complaining if I asked him to do any simple household admin thing like pick up my car from it's MOT (the car he had full use of but I paid all expenses for) he would moan or expect adoring thanks and praise. Him feeling nagged when I asked him about his job hunting (or lack of). Him playing any kind of video game repulsed me. Him not doing any chores etc. yuck.

You are doing the right thing.

Manbaby needs to grow up, he doesn't want to sponge off you but he's happy to sponge off his parents? I'd have much more respect for him if applied for any jobs to tide him over until he gets something more suited.

Is he paying his way when you see each other at the weekends?

Think you're jumping the gun a bit? Or has he been hinting?

What is the red flag? He has taken himself back to his parents so as not to sponge off you. That is a good thing. If he is financially ok, then waiting a few months for a job isn’t a terrible choice. If he is still sitting around doing nothing six months from now, then he needs to look at different jobs, yes. I think you are seeking red flaggs where there are none.

Im struggling to see any red flags here aswell...he has gone to his parents and has said he doesn't want to sponge off you so whats the problem?

Hello Dolly Cocklodger!!
It’s a no from me.

I think it’s a poor life choice to invite an able bodied people with no visible means of supporting himself to move into your home for an unspecified period of time.

why does he have no savings?
where did his redundancy go?
why is he not working some job/any job in the interim?

in a year when he has sorted himself and is in a good place you can think about cohabiting.

Exactly, not sponging off op and making it seem like he's so considerate but sponging off his parents. Good that op has stood by her boundaries

You won't allow him to do something that he hasn't even suggested? In fact he has already sorted himself out in another way

So I've no idea what you're on about

Yanbu and well done to being one of the sensible ones who makes good decisions. You're right, any job to contribute is a good boundary to have. Thinking further and if you had kids, would he step up or let you carry the load. These situations are good indicators of what you can expect/ predict about someone.