Mother-in-law wants me to formula feed and let her feed my baby

This.

To be honest the less said about it the better, don't get drawn into a discussion with her, I really hope it all goes how you want it to, but anything can and does happen and you don't want her to think that if you do end up bottle feeding that she then has free reign to do as she likes with your baby, you may need to stand up to her and make sure your DH is fully on board to fight your corner no matter what, over lots of different issues by the sounds of it!

FWIW I wanted to breast feed and really struggled, could never figure out really why as I had supply, I persevered for 6 months by exclusively pumping in the end so she was bottle fed, but to be honest it was nice for my DH as he got to feed her too. There were so many ups and downs during that process though and at times I felt a complete failure, my sister never could breastfeed either and she felt like a failure for it.

My point is, try not to put all your stock in breastfeeding, as sometimes it just doesn't happen, and that's fine, but it can be hard to come to terms with, especially if you've got people like your MIL waiting in the wings to say I told you so, best to keep your options open and tell your MIL to get stuffed whatever happens!

Jesus Christ she can't feed your baby if you don't let her. You don't need to go NC or anything dramatic.

Did she really come over and tell you you "need" to bottle feed? Or just that she'd love to feed the baby.

Either way just smile and nod and do what you what this is your baby not hers.

If you do decide to ever do a bottle (you may need to or decide to combi feed or might express a breast milk bottle) I suggest you don’t let her feed it to the baby out of principle. She doesn’t get to dictate anything about YOUR baby, feeding included. Why do grandparents feel so entitled??

You need stock statements ready

that isn’t our plan .
we won’t be doing that .
No
I think you have to be blunt with people like this .

if you feel overwhelmed by her - tell Dh to have a word

Your baby, you are the mother here and what your MiL wants is dalooloo!

She can feed baby from expressed breast milk if she wants to feed baby in a few months time or baby is fed exclusively by you at all times but it's your decision, not hers.

What does your DH say about his mother's demands?

I couldn’t physically hold my baby up after giving birth, people had to try and hold her to my breast which was really difficult.

She became dehydrated and really jaundice. We also really struggled (5 supermarkets!) one day to get the bottles when we were running out. So personally I would recommend having them for your peace of mind. No one needs to know you have them other than you. You don’t have to use them.

I had no pressure either way from the hospital, but when she clearly wasn’t getting enough and wasn’t alert from the jaundice, I had to step up the formula.

l enjoy breast feeding, she latches beautifully and I’m one of the few who genuinely believes it doesn’t hurt (for me personally) . She will feed multiple times a day for 15or so mins, or she’ll feed for a full hour, but there are days when it’s just not enough.

im genuinely glad it worked for you, but I can’t describe the panic we felt when we couldn’t get the milk she’d been having and she was dehydrated and jaundice, the fear that o was letting her down and making her ill because she wasn’t suckling for more than 5/6 strokes on the breast and would just sleep. It’s something I will never go through again. The bottles were recommended by a friend who has EBF from day one, but had a backup.

the hospital used SMA and the teats were too big for her so she wasn’t feeding well on those either.

Grow a stubborn streak, and quick.

No, I’ll be BFing “MY” baby.

Nope. I have a few kids and have breast fed and bottle fed. I actually treat bottle feeding like breast feeding, in that I'm the one who does it!

THIS

With bells on.

You learn very quickly once you have a baby that nobody gives a rat's ass about you, the mother. You just become a target for criticism.

It can sometimes feel as if there's a conspiracy to diminish and devalue women as mothers. You've just done this stupendous thing - nurtured and then delivered into the world an entire new human being (or two) so you need to be taken down a peg lest you start believing you deserve anyone's respect or admiration.

It's your baby, not hers. So you choose whatever feeding method works for you and your new baby. End of.

also loved the fact that my DW and my mum and dad and sister etc could feed baby which was a lovely bonding experience for them.

Feeding a baby isn't the only way to bond with a baby. It is perfectly possible to enjoy many bonding experiences that don't involve feeding a baby.

As someone who bottle fed, YAdefinitelyNBU

Your baby, your choice. end of.

Not her decision, is it?

I actually found it the other way.

i didn’t have formula ready. I figured if breastfeeding didn’t go as planned, either the hospital would have some or Dh would be able to nip to a supermarket and get some. There’s usually a petrol station open 24 hr somewhere.

i am glad I didn’t. I had so much pressure to give formula, I’d probably have given in. Even in hospital, with bf going well, when a m/w saw my breastfeeding again (!) I got the spiel about giving formula so I could “have a break”- how? Dh wasn’t there, I didn’t see her volunteering, and not to “make it difficult for myself”. When I said I hadn’t brought formula she went off on one, saying how did I know I could bf, when I was clearly sat in front of her breastfeeding! Then she went and got the lady next door a ready made bottle when she ran out of what she’d brought, no drama.

when I got home yes it was as hard, but I found cluster feeding on an evening I’d promise myself we’d go get formula tomorrow and I’d quit. Then the next day didn’t seem so bad, so I’d give it one more day. “One more day” got me to 4 weeks, then 8, then 12, by then it was easy and I didn’t even think about it.

if I’d had formula in I think I’d have weakened and given in. I’m glad I didn’t, as I bf for nearly 2 years in the end, and once over the difficult first few weeks it was really easy.

Haven’t read any replies but I don’t need to - your MIL needs to back off. How you feed your baby is completely your choice and absolutely nothing to do with what she wants. She had her time to have babies and feed them, now it’s yours.

My DH really enjoyed giving a bottle and he was so excited to do it (was brilliant at taking turns overnight), so we made that choice together. But that's the point, we made it together. I didn't feel hard done by at all by not BF, but if you would, then she needs to respect that. How you feed your child is a matter for you and your partner.

Even if you do end up with some formula / bottle feeding you could keep it to just you and your husband for that bonding time. I found that by letting anyone do the feed I took longer to bond. I felt much happier once it was just us.

Just simply say no. Your MIL is a weirdo

No is a full sentence. She doesn't require anything more than that! She has raised her child and needs to step back. I wish you a lot of luck, my ex mil thought that my children were her second chance at parenting, do not let her bully you

1000% tell her to fuck off.

on a side note, get some premade formula just for the first day or so. Just incase you’re struggling. If you don’t use it, you can donate to a baby bank. But although I wanted and planned to combi feed, I didn’t expect to have to do it straight away, baby doesn’t take the breast as well as I’d hoped. Those bottles were an absolute godsend. She’s 6 weeks tomorrow and still combi fed but mostly formula.

No it isn't!!

And breast was far more popular in the 70s than the 60s

And it's not generational or an age thing to demand the baby either
It's a personality thing

This ⬆️⬆️

I am shaking my head at this sort of MIL… what on earth is the matter with them, it’s really rude and intrusive - not to mention disrespectful!

Fwiw, I didn’t BF, but 100% back those who do and can’t imagine sticking my nose into what is the new parents business!

Incredible!

Boundaries, OP, very firm ones, as I fear this is onl6 the start for you😒

Wishing you well with you pregnancy xx

to add:

if you’re breastfeeding you won’t be allowed to complain about being tired, exhausted, not coping, feeling down, struggling, if baby isn’t sleeping etc.

because it’s entirely your fault as you won’t let anyone help with the baby.

by “helping with the baby” they mean feeding. Whether it would be more help to cook, clean, wash, watch the baby so you can shower or nap is never considered.

Exactly this 100%! you should copy this and send it to her lol