Mother-in-law wants me to formula feed and let her feed my baby

You just say “no” you don’t need to give reasons.

Batshit behaviour from the mil.

There is a comment on Facebook that says “she can feed you instead, which will indirectly be feeding the baby” and I’ve never heard anything more appropriate!

Good on DH for backing you up.

Tell your midwife about all this and the hospital will chuck her out if she tries any tricks.

Unfortunately it's time to toughen up. You're a mother now and you need to bare your teeth to protect your baby, if not yourself.

Christ no. Get yourself a doorbell cam so you can see if she’s at the door and ignore it. No one gets to attends anyone’s birth or feed anyone’s baby unless asked! These MIL’a are batshit crazy! Jeez I thought mine was bad

Hahahahhahahahahaha
hell NO to mother in law. What an absolute dick! Fed is best, then breast milk… but she wants you to formula feed just so she can feed YOUR baby? No. She had her time to feed her own babies.
no idea how you can possibly think you’re unreasonable. MIL can get out

I had this , stand your ground . I had mil and fil on my back years ago and I knew why, they wanted to have the baby all to themselves on visits and would make comments soon as I had to soothe or feed my baby. It's only for their selfish reasons so don't do something you don't want to do.

MIL has claimed that I'm just saying all this because I'm hormonal. I feel truly gaslit.

I guess she's saying this because she's just nasty?

I wonder if she fed her kids as her MIL demanded?

If so you'd think she wouldn't be nasty enough to do the same to you but would be understanding & respectful.

Also I exclusively breastfed and am still feeding now OP. It was a bit tricky for first few days but once milk came in and got into rhythm was fine.

She can change nappies, bath baby, cuddle baby. All kinds of things.

I expressed some milk and let relatives give a bottle of ebm every now and then so I could have a break.

But if you want to bf them that's what you do and her views on formula and her wish to feed baby are totally irrelevant.

I fully support anyone wanting to breastfeed exclusively breast feeding is demanding and all the best to her for wanting to do it but the whole only me or my dh can bottle feed is a little bit precious.
It's just milk the baby couldnt care less who gives it them.

‘No.’

Tell her you are having an actual baby, not a dolly she can play mummies and daddies with. Idiot.

Also, don’t listen to the posters telling you not to expect BF’ing to work out either. Sure, you may not have an easy ride of it (or you might. Who knows) but it’s entirely plausible that it will work out how you want it to.

Ooh I really feel for you what should be a happy time seems to be marred by an overbearing in law and she hasn't even started yet they'll be more to come.
This is you and your partners child she has had her glory she's not in a position to call the shots keep the boundaries and if need be you're going to have to say I appreciate how excited you are but this is how we are doing things etc etc
You'll have enough on without trying to please her

Yep this was my partners mum. Even went as far as to get a perfect prep machine (after I’d said No at least 3 times).
Regardless of the fact I would never use one as I don’t think they’re safe the fact is I was EBF so we didn’t need one?! She’d got the hint by the time baby was here thankfully.

To be honest even if I was formula feeding no one would be feeding baby but me & his dad for at least the first few months, as far as I’m concerned no one else needs to do so

It seems there are lots of posts about mils and occasionally dads being desperate to feed the baby. It's weird as they can do absolutely everything else. Is this why bf is so low in the UK??

OP you are not being unreasonable at all, ignore your MIL! BUT… I’m taking it you haven’t given birth yet, and it’s your first? Please don’t take this as harsh but don’t have your heart 100% set on breastfeeding, I was desperate to, I put so much pressure on myself and I was miserable! It’s bloody hard but one you get it it’s amazing! But please don’t pressure yourself so much, and don’t let anyone else pressure you to do something you don’t want to do!

No you are not being unreasonable but it is definitely worth getting some bottles and formula just in case.
I was the opposite. I was adamant that I wanted to bottle feed.
My midwife and health visitor went crazy. Made me feel like the worst mum in the world and sent a breast feeding nurse to my house to try to talk some sense into me.
They made me feel terrible.
I had a number of complications when giving birth, developed an infection and was put on 4 different types of medication.
The medication meant I couldn't have breast fed even if I wanted to.
Luckily I had bottles and formula etc anyway.

Shut your ML down and fast! Just say NO! If she's already trying to dictate how your child should be fed before they're even born I dread to think how much she's going to try to interfere in every other decision you make as a mother. Not acceptable.

My now ex mil was like this. Absolutely batshit. Your baby, your choice. She has no right to dictate/try to dictate/try to manipulate or make you feel guilty for doing what you choose with your own child. Some of these mil are such entitled brats. She did as she wished with her children, she’s had her time - this is yours.

Love this.

If you are this ineffectual as an "adult" that you cannot deal with this very simple situation then you are not ready for a baby.

if You wanted you could express your breast milk and put it in a bottle for her to feed baby with.
however if you don’t want baby to use bottles at all, then you will just have to tell her no in a nice way (really your other half should be telling their mum).

some thing like “when baby is older of course you can most definitely bottle feed her with some of my expressed milk. But for now I don’t want baby using bottles yet. I’m really sorry you are disappointed but I know you understand. It’s wonderful you love baby so much!!”

your baby. Your choice.

My ex MIl was “disappointed “ that I exclusively bf “her first grandchild “ for the same reasons.
I ignored her quite politely along with the rest of her mid 1970s childcare advice.

Babies should be with their mothers if at all possible, especially in the first few months. When grandparents protest this, I always think they care more about their own ego and selfish desires than they do about their grandchild. If she truly cared about your baby having the best start in life, she'd want it with its mother. Only in very rare circumstances (abuse, disease, addiction) is it better for baby to be away from mother.

She's bonkers. I'd wouldn't be meeting her alone and you need to think about putting in some very strong boundaries