Mother-in-law wants me to formula feed and let her feed my baby

And step away from your 'she's overbearing, I'm kind' mindset.

That's the way to convince yourself you're helpless and that other people thinking how nice you are is most important.

That's over now. Your world and your place in it has shifted.

Think instead 'I'm a tiger. A mama bear. Hear me ROAR.'

Yes I agree with you about not keeping formula in the house, particularly if you live somewhere within close distance to a shop like a 24 hour tesco or asda (good to keep I mind about most things to not stress if you have anything). I do think it can encourage or tempt to giev up in the early days when cluster feeding can be constant. It can be hard going at first although it might not be, for my sil it was tough but eventually easy and she fed for two years, and for me it's not been particularly hard and the ease it comes with is so worth it.

Also bear in mind that baby really needs very little at first so even if you think you aren't producing enough remember that their bellies are so so little. It really does take about 8 weeks I think for supply to really regulate, you need to keep hydrated and fed.
Keep an eye on babys weight gain and nappy output and you'll know if they're getting enough.

And remember how nice it is not having to get out of bed qt night to feed or need to count bottles etc before leaving the house, at this point I've left with just a nappy in my pocket for a short walk 😅 remember these especially when she might start trying the tactic of trying to say how much easier it will be for you to bottle feed and that it's really not about her at all haha.
Good luck!

What makes me so cross when I hear about this sort of thing is that you (original poster) and others like you are ever put in this position in the first place. It's the audacity of the mother-in-law even thinking it's a reasonable suggestion, let alone voicing it. And then you are left to worry about it and are put in the uncomfortable position of having to say no, which I guess doesn't come easily to you, as you sound like a very nice person. I've had twenty years of dealing with manipulative in-laws. I have finally said no to one of their ridiculous demands in the last few days, and they are beyond angry with me for saying no. I know now that if I'd said no more over the years, they wouldn't have kept hassling me about ridiculous stuff. It's a hard lesson to learn. So I'm very glad to hear that you are sticking to your guns. Good for you and I'm very sorry you've been put in this position. Sending you lots of positive vibes.

Tell your H to have a word with his deluded mother.

@Cherrysoup I completely agree. I think that sometimes a new baby in a family makes people behave very strangely. My cousin, when a new baby, was left with my Mum and her sister-in-law once for a couple of hours while my cousin's Mum had to go out somewhere. They decided to sneakily "baptise" him as they didn't agree with the religion his Mum and Dad had had him baptised into.

@Watchwatchmymysteedsteedgogofarfar Superb idea! She can bring dinner round every night. And wash up, ha ha.

@Thexwife I couldn't agree more!

You are not being unreasonable. She is. Please try to politely say no. Perhaps you could suggest that she is instead welcome to change all pooey nappies and sort out potty training when the time comes! See how she feels about the less romantic baby jobs. I can tell you from experience that as a new mother I let my sister-in-law interfere with bringing up my first child. I did this for an easy life as she sulks if she doesn't get her own way...she even called him to her when he took his first steps in her house....he ended up waddling over to her and not me and it still breaks my heart. If we were at a family get-together and she was holding him and he started to cry....I would have an awful job to take him back from her to feed him. It was very distressing. If you can be strong enough, please set the scene now before the baby arrives, or this will be the first of many requests/demands. The baby is yours and you can choose to feed him however you like. Is she actually expecting you to strap your breasts up to stop the milk as soon as the baby is born, just to please her?! In-laws can be such a pain in the backside. Good luck and stay firm and strong.

baby won’t be on milk forever. In 6 months you’ll probably start solids- she can feed the baby then. She can do all the batch cooking if she wants haha. Push that idea and say firmly you don’t want to give your baby a bottle. ( be careful what you say before the baby is born- just incase you change your mind). I hear so many times of ppl giving a baby formula when they babysit- you and your husband are going to have to make it very clear.

You can tell her when the baby has figured out how to latch on and is comfortably feeding you will consider expressing if you need a break.

You don’t even have to tell her this. She should suffort you with your choice really.

Stand your ground, if you want to EBF it will be tough and you need as much support as possible. Also brace yourself to be sat down a lot with baby feeding in the early weeks and feeding every few hours at night so you don’t need negativity around you or lack of support. If you want to share the load, your DH can change the nappy, rock to sleep etc or keep an eye on you when you feed baby in a lying down position to make sure you’re both safe in case you fall asleep.

I also EBF and it felt like everyone wanted to bottle feed my baby, I think this is because no one else I know or in our families EBF. People forget there are other things they can do to support the baby, they can help with contact napping, feeding mum, offering emotional support, changing nappies etc.

Politely disagree with posters saying have formula in just in case in the house. With my own experience, cluster feeding can give the appearance your milk hasn’t come in as baby feeds for ages and often doesn’t get milk out. I believe this is when a lot of women end up giving up (usually 3-6 weeks) as baby is often feeding relentlessly. In those times, I nearly reached for the formula. If it’d had been in the house I’d have used it.

It took about 8 weeks for my milk to become on demand for baby and I’m really glad I stood my ground especially when cluster feeding happened and I was made to feel like a martyr for not giving into the bottle when I was exhausted. This is not to take away from women who genuinely can’t EBF, but I also dont think there’s enough support or honesty that breastfeeding is hard and sometimes not the norm depending on families or location. This means you can sometimes feel isolated EBF.

Bottles of express milk - some EBF babies won’t take a bottle. I’ve tried many times with my own and it just won’t happen. So don’t rely on this completely. Build things around the edges that can support you feeding. I hope it works out for you but just be prepared it may not so don’t put all your eggs in that basket.

You do need to start standing your ground now though as this interfering will only get worse when baby comes.

If you can do it, honestly it’s brilliant and I love how easy it now is even after I had many issues. If it doesn’t work out then fed is best, but it’s your choice no one else’s!!

You poor thing, stick to what you want to do. Your MIL has had her children & fed them the way she wanted/they needed - & this is your child.

My own late MIL, a dear Nana & a sweet lady also had a very strong stubborn streak in her that I saw on a number of occasions (usually when my DH, her darling golden child wasnt about :) ) but she too was of the opinion that I should put my middle child onto a bottle so she could mind him more.

This went down with me like a cup of s:)&%! as this baby was born premmie, quite sick, I was 2 hours from home & had an almost 6yr old missing me dreadfully & all I remember from her visits in to the hospital were her telling me that all would be good if he had a bottle (implied too that she would be looking after him too)

It did end up that my bub#2 did have to progress onto a bottle & she minded him often, so I was even more determined then with bub#3 that he would be exclusively breast fed & with me. (he was 😁😂)

Tell her that one day, if the time and circumstances are right, you’ll need her to watch your little one, and will leave her with a bottle of expressed milk.

Do not change the way you want to feed your baby to please her. There are other ways to bond with her grandchild.

Some good advice on here to get in some formula, just in case - one or two cartons of ready made will do it. As with all things to do with births you never know quite what is going to happen. In my case I had a brain hemorrhage right after my labour (that one definitely wans't on my birth plan) which stopped me producing the hormones you need to breastfeed. That's quite an extreme scenario though!

Then, they were just ignorant. It is nothing to do with age.

Thinking of you OP- and so glad your DH is backing you up and supporting/protecting you and your choices.

In my experience, this MIL wanting to bottle feed is about control- and is much more prevalent in some cultures than others. Some of the Indian colleagues had the same issue- the family matriarch wanted control and sadly their DHs were under her thumb.

I breastfed all 3 of mine and would not have let anyone get in the way. Natural progression to cup at around 9 months, and no bottles ever in the house.

Rooting for you, bravo.

Love, it's been said a lot already but you really do need to stand up to her from the beginning. I let my MIL walk all over me for years, with the result that she actually damaged the relationship I have with my eldest. Please don't make the same mistake that I did.
Tell her that how you bring up your children is your business. You hold the power now.

Age group mid 60s. White middle class British women

Yanbu with your choice but just wait and a see a bit. Breastfeeding works for some but not all. Postpone the argument foe now in case you do formula feed and want a break (DOI exclusively Breastfed which was knackering but rewarding)

Tell her these facts:

Department of Health guidance states breastfeeding is the healthiest way to feed your baby. Exclusive breastfeeding (giving your baby breast milk only) is recommended for around the first six months (26 weeks) of your baby’s life. After that, giving your baby breast milk alongside other food will help them continue to grow and develop. The World Health Organisation (WHO) and UNICEF recommend breastfeeding alongside other foods to age two and beyond.
Breastmilk contains all the nutrients your baby needs for the first six months. It is much more than just food: it is also a living fluid, full of antibodies and other bioactive factors that strengthen your baby’s developing immune system, providing protection against infection, and other factors which help them digest nutrients. These living components are not found in infant formula.
You can read more about the many different components of breastmilk on this NHS pagee and also visit www.human-milk.comm for lots more information.

Not breastfeeding increases various health risks for both mother and baby.
Babies who are not breastfed have an increased risk of:
• infections, with more visits to hospital as a result
• diarrhoea and vomiting, with more visits to hospital as a result
• sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS)
• obesity
• cardiovascular disease in adulthood

Mothers who do not breastfeed have an increased risk of:
• breast cancer
• ovarian cancer
• osteoporosis (weak bones)
• cardiovascular disease
• obesity

Ask if she's happy for her grandchild to have a higher risk of obesity or cardiovascular disease in adulthood.

It's not her place to ask this. Feeding baby is a mother's prerogative.

Whether you consider it breastfeeding benefits or artificial baby milk feeding risks, there's plenty of evidence that breast milk is a preferable feeding method from a purely nutritional perspective.

It's also true that women who didn't breast feed themselves can feel threatened by other people's feeding choices, feeling they are judging their own choices. Perhaps it is this dressed up as a desire to feed your baby?

Did you know two of the main indicators for breastfeeding success are: not living close to your mother, and having a mother who also breastfed?

I'm afraid you're going to have to grow a pair.

You say how forceful she is and how kind you are, but you need to realise that when your baby is born you are going to be the one who protects him/her from all harm. This includes badly informed/ignorant ways of upbringing from close relatives, in this case your mil. So you are going to have to deal with these situations because they are never going to go away once you become a mum.

She can't feed your baby, you have made your decision and it's your and Husbands, she has no say on how you bring up your child

Why do imagine you’re being unreasonable?

I’d never lose the chance to EBF my baby for my MIL to feed, she has had her babies and however she chose to feed. It’s abit odd dictating how you feed your baby.

good luck I ebf my first for 15 months and all going well I hope to do the same for my 3rd x x