Mother-in-law wants me to formula feed and let her feed my baby

From my own experience, or either you set your ground now or this will be just the beginning of her taking over and giving you unwanted opinions. If you disagree about something you should be very clear with her about it, it can be a bit confrontational at times, but she will eventually understand her role and stop overstepping.

Hell no. Mine actually got sick from the formula top-ups the HV insisted they needed. Not only did I EBF but any other feeding was cup-fed expressed milk not bottles. Then you can move onto cups with no lids instead of sippy ones. It's free and available. Be very firm though.

God I wish all grndmothers to be could read this. It would lead to so much more positive mil/dil experiences for all sides.

She is in the wrong. She is being weird. Huge red flags. Your baby. Your choice. Good to hear your OH is on your side. If she keeps going on and on about it and you're still really uncomfortable, I would tell her so. Something along these lines.......

MIL, I appreciate that you are excited about the baby but as I have said before, I will be exclusively breastfeeding. This is something I'm not changing my mind about. If you continue to ignore my choices and make me feel uncomfortable about said choices, I'll find it very difficult to spend time around you when the baby is here, as I know you are not respecting the boundaries DH and i have set. There will be plenty of time for you to spend cuddling, playing etc with baby. And when baby starts weaning, you can be involved then.

And when baby arrives, and she STILL keeps saying it, call her out.

MIL, I have spoken to you many times about this, and you have ignored my boundaries of what will happen with the baby and feeding. This means that because you can't respect my boundaries, you won't be invited over again. I need to be comfortable in my own home with my newborn. Goodbye!

I hope this all works out for you. But from experience, please stick with your boundaries. And make sure you and DH on always sticking together with your choices. Do not falter (give an inch, take a mile cones to mind). And call them 'boundaries'. And call it 'disrespecting the boundaries'. If you call them something like rules, rules could be broken. Boundaries do not move unless the person setting them says so.

Sorry for the long reply, but I have been there, done that and got the t shirt. And I didn't stick up for my choices. I seriously regret it.

"No" is the only necessary and appropriate answer to this! And even if you did decide to exclusively formula feed, she STILL doesn't have any entitlement to feed the baby!

😆 🤣 😂

As a husband and a father I would think that it is my responsibility to speak to my mother and advise her that my partner is going to feed our baby in the way that you had planned. Your baby, your body, your decision. Us fathers are obviously not as involved with the birth as the mothers which is understandable but this is exactly where we should be playing a big part and looking after the mental health and wellbeing of our partners and babies. Sorry mum, this is not your show and there will be many ways you can support and be involved but this is not one of them end of.

MIL is a complete arsehole.

Say no. And do not let her undermine you when you are breastfeeding. I (long ago) breastfed both my DCs, and did so on demand, which can be tiring for the first few weeks but is worth it as the milk comes in beautifully. I breastfed because it was easier, the idea of faffing around making up formula and washing and sterilising everything was too much hassle. I succeeded. So will you. Ignore your MiL it's your DD, not hers.

I had that too! Managed to combi feed my baby for 4 months then gave up once I asked her for advice, she said, oh just breastfeed.

The thing is, back in the days woman were adviced to bottle feed, and they didn't breastfeed much back in those days.

With my second baby I breastfeed exclusively, my MIL has no say in how I mother, which you will find they try to interfere as much as you let them.

Tell her to feed her own child and then you can get on feeding yours !

It is unreasonable but I do see her perspective. I’m sure if I was going to be a granny I’d love the idea of giving my granddaughter the odd bottle. I think that’s fairly normal. I wouldn’t see it as her wanting to take over your role as the baby’s mother. I’m sure she won’t want to do the 3am feeds 😂 You never know you may be glad using a pump and handing the baby over yet … breast feeding is exhausting!

What???

Remember this OP. I was on here one night desperately seeking advice at 4am with flat boobs crying because my LO was cluster feeding for what felt like years and I was in so much pain. Someone on mumsnet said (and it’s stuck with me) ‘LO needs to call the milkman’.

The next day I was walking around with melons 😂 the cluster feeding comforts but also tells your body what milk is needed.

Edit: not saying this to scare you. But I had no support myself and everyone telling me to formula feed (except DH). If I’d have known to just relax, enjoy lying with my baby and let DH do the housework I’d have been less stressed :)

Tell her that she's paying for all the formula costs then. 🤣

But being serious, I'd tell her to fuck off. x

Omg what!!!
YANBU but make sure you know about La Leche league, NCT breastfeeding helping, Health visitors and your local BF team/ bf groups. Bf can be tricky at times when you have support. Sometimes people around you try to get in your head saying baby feeds often / or is night waking due to lack of supply. It’s normally a load of nonsense, outdated advice or their own projection.

so I hope you don’t have this. But maybe practice a few boundaries with yourself and partner now so you aren’t dealing with it when tired and vulnerable.

also it’s the medical recommendation if you can to bf exclusively for 12months. Why would your MIL be so strange. Good luck. Maybe not worth a big row now incase you can’t bf for a reason.

Absolutely not. Your baby, your choice. Just who on earth does she think she is.

It doesn't come naturally for a great many new mothers, or even newborn babies. Why do you think breastfeeding rates are so low in the UK?

DD had no interest in latching on and just wouldn't feed. Eventually the midwife had to feed her some formula because she was getting drowsy as her blood sugar plummeted. It took me 5 days to get DD to latch on without the help of the very supportive midwives. I stayed in hospital until I knew I could feed her without help, otherwise I would have given in and bottle fed DD with formula.

Your comment as rather unhelpful TBH.

You need to take what your husband says at face value and don't see your MIL when you don't want to see her.

Being "extremely kind" can often be interpreted as "extremely weak".

If she calls or messages there's no need to respond straight away - leave it until you want to respond and have some key phrases ready. Some have already been suggested but
No - that doesn't work for us
No - I don't want to do that
No - I'm not comfortable with your suggestion.
No - My midwife/health visitor/GP has advised this is not good practice
No - not at this time, maybe sometime in the (undefined) future. Especially if she ever asks to have your child overnight.

Practice makes perfect OP, and if you don't stand up for yourself to her (and anyone else) instead of nipping things in the bud, nothing will change. 🌹

So much negativity about bf. We are mammals. It does come naturally. It isn't always a struggle and stressful. I have never bought a tin of formula.. Not even Just Incase...

IdleAnimations 'Politely disagree with posters saying have formula in just in case in the house. With my own experience, cluster feeding can give the appearance your milk hasn’t come in as baby feeds for ages and often doesn’t get milk out. I believe this is when a lot of women end up giving up (usually 3-6 weeks) as baby is often feeding relentlessly. In those times, I nearly reached for the formula. If it’d had been in the house I’d have used it.'

totally agree with you.

Yeah I think my mil is quite disappointed we went to baby led weaning pretty much immediately, as she really wanted to feed him. Thing is he hates being fed but loves feeding himself so it is what it is. I wish he would do both.

But! My mil never made me feel bad about it, even though I know she also really wanted to bottle feed him she has always been supportive of our choices. It's not hard to be. And she interacts with him in all sorts of other ways instead.

....unless the poster does baby led weaning. Which means the baby feeds itself and you don't spoon feed. So....MIL still.wont be able to feed baby! Lol

And here's the facts on why breastfeeding is best for the baby and the mother. Every time she starts off, launch into your TED talk 'No, that's out of date. In fact, current research has proved that ... ' and do it every time.

And each time she tries to make it about you being selfish, unreasonable, unfair, bla bla bla, tell her you understand she's disappointed not to get what she wants, but that your and your husband's first priority is the baby's wellbeing.

https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/about/benefits-of-breastfeeding/

https://www.healthline.com/health/breastfeeding/11-benefits-of-breastfeeding

There's lots of this stuff out there - start making a list in your phone and familiarise so you can reel them off any time.

Here's a fascinating article on how big a new baby's stomach is!

It's why a quick BF whenever they're hungry is needed:

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/l25009531/how-big-is-your-babys-stomach-photos