Mother-in-law wants me to formula feed and let her feed my baby

Yes, I formula fed and at first it was almost entirely me with DH doing the late feed. We didn’t let anyone else take over. My stepmum bottle fed DS2 the first evening we came out of hospital after cs as I was feeling a bit whacked and DH had run out to get fish and chips for everyone - I think I made sure MIL didn’t find out about that …

Who on earth is voting the OP is being unreasonable??

OP no. Just say no.

Oh, OP, what a thing to have to deal with.

It is preposterous that anyone would decide not to breastfeed in order to satisfy someone else’s wish to play ‘feed the baby’. Your baby isn’t a pet, or a toy!

And if breastfeeding goes well and is established and you are happy with your choice don’t be persuaded about ‘an occasional bottle’ for any other adults entertainment, because mixed feeding too early can interrupt your supply and baby’s expectation of an easy flow!

Enjoy your baby, and shut MIL down. And make sure your DH backs you up.

MIL needs to be put at arms length and on a strict information diet immediately or you'll have a monster on your hands when the baby arrives. Your DH must back you up on this, don't spend any time with her if he's not there, don't give her a foot in the door, she will run roughshod given a chance.

I don't get the obsession with feeding a newborn. When grandchild was born I went all out to help get mum to get over the initial hump of breastfeeding. The growing confidence in her is a much better feeling than anything else.

Tell your bloke to yank her chain a bit and to shut up. It's him that should be dealing with this

Just tell her no. It's your baby not hers, she's had her time bringing up her ds, and this is yours.

Start as you mean to go on and put your foot down. Let her walk all over you now or pissy foot around will mean years of manipulation. I hope your dh will have your back

Why would she get a say?

Your baby your rules. If you want to exclusively breastfeed, go for it and ignore your MIL. She’s being odd.

3% of posters voted YABU

Mind boggling 😕

Say no once. If she pushes the issue, I would be seriously considering limiting her access. I have a former colleague who behaved in a similar manner, and also refused to call the baby the correct name. She doesn't understand why she only sees her grandchild once or twice a year.

I would just smile and say “the plan is to breastfeed” I had intended to then changed my mind but it’s really up to the mother to decide. Draw your boundaries around this very strongly. You don’t have to be in conflict but just firmly keep repeating yourself.

Did she specifically come around to try to put pressure on you?

What did you say to her?

YANBU.

Don't say anything. Just smile and nod.

Fingers crossed all goes well and you are able to breastfeed just fine.

If she brings it up at that point, you can tell her to fuck right off.

Get DH on side and do it now.

MIL came over today when DH was at work and told me that I need to have a bottle and formula.

She's unreasonable. I'd have said, 'I'm intending to breastfeed, so that's not going to happen. Why have you chosen to come over to demand this whilst your son is at work? It feels an odd thing for you to have done?'

And I'd have given her my best enquiring face to see if she had an answer.

Just keep saying, 'No'. And obviously don't leave her alone with the baby if you think she's going to try and give formula.

I mean this kindly, but you are going to be a parent soon so you are the proper grown up teaching your child boundaries and behaviour. Say no to your mother in law. It's your choice how to feed your child and you should not be pressured.

Even if you did use formula, you don't have to allow anyone to feed your baby!

Well she can piss right off! It’s your baby, not hers. Carry on with how you want to feed baby.

I wouldn’t even entertain this nonsense from her, she doesn’t get to tell you what to do xx

Mil is go8ng to be disappointed then as her grand baby isn’t going to be bottle fed.

Don't make it about the breastfeeding, because if that doesn't work out or you change your mind, you can guarantee she'll come swooping in expecting to do feeds.

I would disengage with her over this entirely - be really vague and then just do what you want to do. Also let your DH deal with her.

One word of advice, do your research now on what breastfeeding support is available in your area, that way if you have any struggles at all with it you'll know where to go (not saying you will) only say this because if she's like that now, if you do have any problems initially and hormones are in play as they will be, she'll totally leap on it as a chance to push you towards formula, and it can make you feel really under pressure at a vulnerable time.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable

She is being ridiculous and yanbu.

However...... I would have torn off my arm for someone to do a few feeds with my constantly crying baby when I was in the ultra sleep deprived, manic early days.

I'm not saying you should give in to her silly request, but don't completely burn your bridges, just in case!

2% Overbearing MILs!

Your baby, your choice of feeding. End of.

Tell DH of your feeding plans and insist demand he backs you up at all times.

Have clear boundaries with MIL or this could be the tip of the iceberg of riding roughshod over you. If DH has form for being a wet lettuce around his DM then it’s time he grows a backbone, if necessary.

“I feel like MIL wants to take over my role as my baby's mother.”

Just because somebody suggests or wants something, doesn’t mean you are obliged to give it headroom or take it seriously. What’s she going to do? Snatch your boob out of the baby’s mouth? Just laugh in her face at her sheer CFery and don’t give it a second thought.