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Original poster

Mother-in-law wants me to formula feed and let her feed my baby

384 replies

Artmumcreative · 01/05/2024 21:34

I plan to exclusively breastfeed and have had this plan since before DH and I conceived. MIL came over today when DH was at work and told me that I need to have a bottle and formula. She desperately wants to feed my baby (once she's born!!!) but I want to breastfeed and I always have wanted to. I have friends that exclusively formula-feed and that's totally fine, they have medical reasons for not breastfeeding, and I appreciate that some people don't want to or can't breastfeed. I feel like MIL wants to take over my role as my baby's mother. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MissMillyFluff · 02/05/2024 00:01

Who on earth are the 3 percent who say you're being unreasonable?! Your baby, your rules.

mathanxiety · 01/05/2024 23:59

And if this ghastly woman has a key to your house, quietly have the locks changed so she can't let herself in.

mathanxiety · 01/05/2024 23:49

And when she complains and whines and starts arguing, tell her the subject isn't up for discussion.

mathanxiety · 01/05/2024 23:48

The baby isn't a 'feed me/ I wet' doll.
The baby isn't a toy everyone gets a turn playing with.

Tell her no.
Tell your H it's a no.

Don't budge.

Gymnopedie · 01/05/2024 23:43

I don't dispute that, I'm just saying that the language in the post is a bit dramatic. Did she really TELL the Op that she has to bottle feed? I doubt it.

People get so territorial over babies. Just let them be loved by everyone

Well that accounts for one of the YABU votes

I'm guessing she didn't say it when DH was at work because she just happened to be passing. It was deliberate, hoping she could put pressure on you when you were on your own. You know she's being totally unreasonable, breastfeed for as long as you want. But if she's going to try to go down this path your DH will need to support you. Will he do that? Or will he bow to mummy?

peopleonthebusgoupanddown · 01/05/2024 23:43

Definitely do not do this just so your mil can feed baby. Grandparents get fixated on this idea.

Do consider getting your baby used to a bottle/formula from 4-6 weeks so you can have some freedom on your own terms/a safety net in case you ever get stuck somewhere away from baby (in a traffic jam, at A&E etc) and someone else needs to feed baby.

Nicebloomers · 01/05/2024 23:35

Shes going to be a nightmare if you and particularly dh don’t start shutting this nonsense down asap. My MIL went to see a solicitor when I was pregnant with #1 to discuss her grandparents rights. I’d have loved to have seen the look on her face when she was told ‘none’.

J0S · 01/05/2024 23:26

Artmumcreative · 01/05/2024 21:34

I plan to exclusively breastfeed and have had this plan since before DH and I conceived. MIL came over today when DH was at work and told me that I need to have a bottle and formula. She desperately wants to feed my baby (once she's born!!!) but I want to breastfeed and I always have wanted to. I have friends that exclusively formula-feed and that's totally fine, they have medical reasons for not breastfeeding, and I appreciate that some people don't want to or can't breastfeed. I feel like MIL wants to take over my role as my baby's mother. Am I being unreasonable?

Stop letting her come over when you Dh is at work.

Tell him it’s his job to deal with her and her overbearing comments and behaviour.

Put your foot down on both of these right now, start as you mean to go on.

rainbowsparkle28 · 01/05/2024 23:23

You feed your baby however YOU want. You say no. And that is enough of a response in itself nothing else you need to explain or say. End of. And repeat as needed.

Tourmalines · 01/05/2024 23:19

I just don’t get what is the fascination of having to bottle feed your grandchild . I have 2 and never did as they were both exclusively breast fed . One still is breast fed . It never entered my head . Tell her a big fat NO. I could never in my wildest dreams expect or want that from my DIL .

sanityisamyth · 01/05/2024 23:01

Tell her to piss off.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 01/05/2024 22:53

CaveMum · 01/05/2024 21:37

Your baby, your rules. She can’t stop you breastfeeding but you do need to shut down her expectations now - just tell her that you plan to EBF for as long as possible and don’t enter into any discussion about it.

This.
Stand your ground. Baby is not a dolly for mil to play with.

TonTonMacoute · 01/05/2024 22:50

No, and no. Just no.

MoroccoMole · 01/05/2024 22:49

RampantIvy · 01/05/2024 22:37

They can bond in other ways. Feeding isn't a magic bonding tool.

Show quote history

I don't dispute that, I'm just saying that the language in the post is a bit dramatic. Did she really TELL the Op that she has to bottle feed? I doubt it.

People get so territorial over babies. Just let them be loved by everyone

Nevermind31 · 01/05/2024 22:48

Tell her that only you and DH will feed baby if it has a bottle.
and what kind of self-absorbed grandma is she that her wanting to feed the baby seems more important to her than baby’s needs and financial impact on you?

BashfulClam · 01/05/2024 22:47

She can want whatever she likes…you can tell her no!

RampantIvy · 01/05/2024 22:37

MoroccoMole · 01/05/2024 22:30

Did she actually say that though? Or was it just a suggestion as she was thinking it would be nice for her and baby to bond

They can bond in other ways. Feeding isn't a magic bonding tool.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/05/2024 22:35

Follow organicallymaddie on insta for help with boundaries around babies

Meadowfinch · 01/05/2024 22:34

Make it clear now. That you will be feeding YOUR baby how YOU choose and that her views on the subject are completely irrelevant. The answer is NO.

She has shown herself to be selfish, interfering, bossy and definitely without your child's best interests at heart, so avoid telling her when you go into labour, so she cannot show up at the hospital. Don't share any health details because you know she will want to broadcast them on Facebook.

Where do these ghastly women get their ideas from?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/05/2024 22:34

Dareisayiseethesunshine · 01/05/2024 21:47

Who's the 2 % saying Yabu? Idiots...

It's the MILs

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/05/2024 22:33

You need to set boundaries now.
Just say 'that's not my plan.'
If she complains say 'oh.'

She can feed baby a sandwich when he's 2, she doesn't need to feed him milk
From a bottle he's not a play Dolly.

I actually hated watching other people feed my baby my breastmilk from a bottle - I let a few have a go then I stopped it as it felt too weird as I'm the mum and I was meant to be the one nourishing him, it felt so odd that people were holding my body fluids and getting involved.

MoroccoMole · 01/05/2024 22:30

Did she actually say that though? Or was it just a suggestion as she was thinking it would be nice for her and baby to bond

ButterflySkies · 01/05/2024 22:29

Not at all! Had the same conversation with my mum funnily enough but covid followed by bottle refusal saved me from having to confront it. This time round im ready with a two word response!

RampantIvy · 01/05/2024 22:27

It's a complete myth that feeding a baby helps with the "bonding process".

DD was close to her granny and her dad, and neither of them ever fed her.

Snugglemonkey · 01/05/2024 22:25

BreakingAndBroke · 01/05/2024 21:44

Say no now and set out your boundaries before the baby comes along "sorry, I'm going to try to breastfeed. If we do end up bottle feeding, I want only DH or me to give her the bottle. There are lots of other ways you could help though: batch cooking, baking breastmilk boosting flapjacks, changing dirty nappies, taking baby for a walk/to a class..."

YANBU. It isn't reasonable for her to tell you how and what to feed your baby (especially in a way contrary to your wishes).

Indeed. Also flag up to your partner that you will not tolerate her pushing in, so it might be best if he had a word.

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