Mother-in-law wants me to formula feed and let her feed my baby

If you plan to EBF then that is your choice. Your DH should support you. That said i would recommend trying to express and bottle feed too. See if baby takes both. Forget your MIL but it will be easier for you to get your DH to help with some feeding and perhaps yourself too. Your choice at the end of the day but we found having the bottle as an option helped a lot!

No you’re not unreasonable at all. She’s had her children and done as she wished and this baby is yours to feed how you see fit. It’s nothing to do with her at all so absolutely don’t back down. Set boundaries now before she gets worse. What did your partner say about this?

Your MIL sounds crazy, I always find the best way to handle stuff like that is to laugh loudly when someone says something like that and pretend you think they are joking.

I hope your breastfeeding journey goes perfectly but, in the event that for some reason it doesn't, please remember this advice.

Breast or bottle, you don't have to let anyone feed your baby. It's your baby. My eldest had to be bottle fed and apart from maybe 3 or 4 feeds from dad, I did all his bottle feeds. Just because a baby is getting fed from a bottle doesn't mean you have to let others do the feeding, if you don't want to.

I bottlefed my 4th because he couldn't breastfeed. Nobody fed him but me and the nicu nurses for the first year. If you breastfeed, mum feeds the baby. If you bottle feed, other people can feed the baby if the mum is incapacitated or if she wants someone else to do it.

We all had plans to breastfeed, but it doesn’t always work out that way. Don’t dig your heels in just yet, just ell her you plan on breast feeding but you’ll just go with the flow and see how it works out. Don’t get hung up on breast feeding before you e even had the baby! I went to NCT classes and it wasn’t till about 6 months after birth I realised what a load of nonsense most of it was. Dangerous hippy dippy bullshit that quite frankly was total nonsense and in some cases just plain dangerous. Go with the flow and trust your instincts.

Even if I had fed my DD formula I would have wanted to do all the feeds myself. It's a very intimate thing and I wouldn't have even let my mum do it.

Fortunately I breastfed.

Your MIL is obscenely selfish.

Refused to discuss it.

MIL made me feel awful for bf and denying DH chance to feed his baby - so I pumped got very little out got very stressed then found DH hated bottle feeding.

Saw later was a ploy so she could have baby when she wanted focusing on a possibly concern/worry I might have and spreading doubt. There was a room in their house decked out as nursery - as they would be able to ff and they were demanding baby stay over immediately with out us. I bf for over a year till pg with next child and learnt to say no a lot to her and FIL.

Did she actually say that? If so then she is being WILDLY unreasonable. If she said something like "oh, if she ever has bottles, I'd love to give her one" then less so. But still a bit strange to raise it before the baby is even born!

Just tell her no, you're not doing that, you're planning to breastfeed exclusively. If she keeps on, you will have to tell her to stop and you're not discussing it any more. Be firm now and set down boundaries before the baby's born. She sounds like she's going to be trouble! Good luck OP 💐

All you have to say is that you want to breastfeed and will see how it goes. She is unlikely to insist. There may be times when you express a feed or two and she will have the opportunity to feed your baby then. Wait and see. I wish you well. You can also say that when the baby is eating solids, and time does pass remarkably quickly, there will be further opportunities. I get the desire to be with a grandchild and help out but not fixating on giving she or he a bottle.

Just be warned that breast feeding isn't always an automatic walk in the park. My mum was very pro breast feeding and supportive and kept me going til it worked - it took me a very stressful week to get my oldest feeding properly. If your MIL isn't, you won't want her there all the time dripping her ideas in your head. Good luck with your new bundle of joy 😊

What is this obsession with feeding a baby?

It is no more "bonding" than cuddling or playing with one.

No doubt she will use the tactic of saying it's not fair on your DH not to get to feed or 'you'll need a break'. Always comes to that when they want to get thier own way. Fuck right off.

I would make the point to her that even if you bottle fed for whatever reason YOU and DH decide- NHS guidelines are now that you limit the amount of people feeding baby. So would only be you and DH anyway, very occasionally others. My DS was bottle fed and we had to limit who fed him, otherwise he just would not feed the same. So understand why this guideline is there now.

Get your boundaries sorted now or she will be a total nightmare during postpartum- seriously get your DH on board and discuss everything now.

Good luck with your baby 💐

Also OP do not feel under pressure to express to give MIL a bottle. Expressing doesn’t work for everyone and if you want to breastfeed you need to initially focus on getting the latch established etc before expressing. Better show your MIL some boundaries now.

I ebf’d both of my kids for the first 6 months (guidance at the time). My MIL wanted me to stop with my 2nd so that she could have him overnight. She went on and on about it, which I ignored. After 6 months I wanted to introduce a bottle, but he was having none of it. After 13 months (!!!) he finally took formula, and by then I desperately needed some respite. MIL then never had him for the night! So despite her constant nagging, the supposed benefit to me ( and overnight without caring for a baby) didn’t happen, so I was glad how it all planned out.

having said that, I know lots of people who intended to ebf but then experienced difficulties for various reasons. Breast feeding can be complicated and technical and hard to work. For these reasons I wouldn’t get too entrenched in your position. It may be that you want to introduce formula and would welcome a nights respite at some stage. Keep things civil and your options open.

How did you reply to her, OP?

Tell her no, she’s had her babies that she got to make these kind of decisions for now it’s your turn.

also if you do end up having to bottle feed, they now recommend only the immediate caregivers (parents) give the bottles for the first few months so as not to cause confusion 😉

My MIL was anti breastfeeding. On Christmas day they were over and as everyone sat down to dinner I went and breast fed my 6 month old ds on the sofa. When I saw my SIL on new years day she told me my MIL was moaning I should have just got a bottle and she could have given it to him!! She never said a word to me at the time! Just ignore your MIL she's being ridiculous

Fuck your MIL. It's your baby.

Do what works for you.

Bitch

OP you need to come down hard on this. Stick to your guns and feed your baby how you see fit. Otherwise it will set a precedent that you are easy to manipulate and I promise you will have problems with your MIL going forward.
There is absolutely no benefit to YOUR baby of your MIL feeding them formula because that’s what she feels like.

Have you got a problem standing up for yourself generally with her? It's a strange question as obviously you say no.

Yanbu. MIL can get fucked 😂 My DM wanted me to express and bottlefeed so she could feed my baby and i was like 🤔😂 no.

She’s definitely crossing a line here. Let her know formula isn’t an option and stick to your guns. You need to show her from early on that it’s your way or the high way, otherwise she’ll be trying to dictate what happens in your child’s life for years to come.

I hope you laughed in her face.

You may want to express milk and she can bottle feed if for example you need her to babysit etc, failing that your baby isn't a toy for people to play with
She may have more himdingers so get ready to put up some boundaries and say no