It's an inheritence one...

As others have said here,the situation is very difficult and thwart with future problems! If your parents dont need any care ,(unlikely but not unheard of). Your sibling will be feeling somewhat miffed, that you have in effect gained the benefits of a large home /annex and all of the future increases in property prices as well.If they do need some care and go into a home ,then surely the house would have to be sold to pay for the fees? I think it would be worth seeking advice from a Solicitor experienced in this field .

I think this is a bit of an odd solution. How old are your parents, OP? Are they mobile, do they drive etc?

If they're currently renting and have the money from their own house sale it would have made loads more sense for you to move and for them to buy a retirement apartment nearby. I can sort of see your sibling's point a little bit.

There’s too many unknowns here- how much is the gift As a percentage of their current net worth, how much caring is the OP planning on doing , nobody knows for how long either.

it would be fairer if whatever is left in the estate minus the gift were then split 3 ways as the oP would have benefited from any capital gains on the money in the intervening years already ( and if rates stay at 4-5 pct, that can be worth a lot depending on the size of the gift!)

my friend is inthe same position except her parents want to build her family the annex in their home - she asked for the house at the end and everyone kicked off . As much as her siblings are not nice people I can see how unfair the situation is for them if she got the house which is half the net worth

Lots of elderly people go along with this transferring of their assets/home thinking that they will get care at home from their children in return (with care home only an absolute last resort).

In reality, it usually seems to result in the elderly parent being booted into the (now free) care home at the first opportunity and far sooner than would have been the case if the care home costs were coming out of their children's inheritance. And nothing the elderly person can do about it because they've legally transferred everything to their kids. Whereas if they'd hung onto their house etc they could have paid for carers from attendance allowance, savings or even equity release (as a last resort).

And your parents are now vulnerable to losing their home if you divorce, die, remarry, get in debt and have to sell the house etc or you just change your mind about having them live with you.

So if you die your husband can't move? Even if his job required it? Even if he got remarried? Because he's tied to taking care of , or at least housing your aging parents?
No way on this planet would I be agreeing to that in his position. Or theirs to be honest.

Please make provision for what happens in the case of your pre-deceasing your parents. There is a thread on here where that happened. Soul destroying for all concerned.

You’re being a huge help to your parents. If they didn’t move in with you they’d most likely need to go into a home and any money would be eaten up in care costs. This way they’re close to you and their grandchildren which will be far nicer for them in their old age than a care home.

Your sibling is just being greedy wanting money with none of the sacrifices.

Have you truly thought long and hard how this situation may impact your lives if one of your parents get dementia (which sadly is becoming the biggest killer in the U.K.)?

My mum has Alzheimer’s (6 years ago none of us would have thought in a million years she would get dementia, she was as sharp as a tack) and lives with my dad, they both live around the corner from me and I see them every day. Helping to care for my mum is the toughest thing I have ever had to do and the strain of the last 4 years took its toll on my mental health and a month ago and I had a breakdown.

One of my only saving grace’s during this shitshow is knowing I have my own home, separate from my parents, to escape to. It is also my dh and dc home which is not affected my the strain of having elderly and poorly parents residing in or very near to.

You just can not underestimate the stress which comes from caring and helping look after a loved one with dementia. The strain has caused so many rows between my husband and I.

I hope this scenario never affects you and your family but would you really want a live in carer residing in your property with your ex and dh?

I would not want to be in your position with my current situation tbh. Dementia takes it out of everyone involved, I am glad I have my own home to retreat to, it’s my only salvation currently.

And if and when the time comes for mum to go into care then my parents have their own property which will cover everything (once my father goes).

And as for your siblings, well they shouldn’t get a say in anything, at the end of the day the money is your parents money to do what they wish. Inheritance is not a given, no one should automatically assume they have that awaiting them on the horizon.

To be honest, I think it’s a crazy plan which is full of pitfalls - inheritance being the least of it.

It would have been much more straightforward for your parents simply to move to a rental property near your new location. Then if they do need more care than you can provide, a care package or residential care can be organised without worrying about potentially selling your own home or being pursued for deprivation of assets. And local authorities can and do go back years re the latter, not weeks as you suggest.

Sorry, OP, your intentions are good but I think you’ve got carried away with a plan which has disaster written all over it - financially, legally, emotionally.

I noticed that. And that they have a spare room for the live in carer too.

👏🏻

Your siblings have no idea how much extra work this will bring to you and your husband over the coming years. My parents did this same set up for my mother’s father about 20 years ago. He’s now 103 and still active and looks after himself, but does need help getting around and IT support etc etc. In no way do they regret or begrudge the decision but it is very hard work for them. My uncles had no idea about the amount of extra work involved until one of them offered (a few years back now) to take my grandfather away for a week - he soon realised! Unfortunately, your siblings won’t see this at the moment, it takes time to evolve but my vote is definitely that you are not being unreasonable.

Is a live in carer actually than a care home?

I'd call their bluff, 'OK CFS (cheeky fucker sibling), we'll all get an equal share and DPs will buy an annex house with you instead. What a relief! Glad that's all sorted.'

Edit: If they're not happy with that say you will charge them for all services you provide, do it lawyer style and itemise every phone call, every shopping trip, etc. and then you'll split whatever money they have left at the end equally. You should then be able to save up enough to buy your parent's share of the house. And of course rent for a future carer if they live in a room in your house.

I would be worried for my parents if they used a lot of their hard earned cash to buy a house they don’t legally own part of.
The OP divorcing is the biggest worry.

I didn’t realise there was such a correlation between caring and inheritance. When my father died his estate was split between my sibling and I 50/50 even though I did all the caring. I never ever had an issue with this.

@Soontobe60 , that’s assuming that ‘small bungalows’ are easily available nearby. Anywhere around here they’re scarce and expensive, because they typically have pre WW2 large gardens that are ripe for large extensions or other development opportunities.

To the posters saying the OP will "earn" the money by caring for her parents, did you read the bit about getting a live-in carer if they need one? It doesn't sound like the OP is planning to care for them herself if they get to that stage (which is absolutely fine and understandable!).

My Mother needed nursing care and only managed to remain in her home by having carers in twice a day and my sister living with her and caring for her. For the last couple of years she was completely bed ridden and needed full nursing care. My sister had to do some pretty awful stuff just washing pee covered sheets was the least of it. She inherited Mums house, my siblings kicked off but the entire amount would have been gone in fees. There is more to the story but overall my Mother was petrified of going in to a home so regardless of some dubious financial dealings she got her wish.

MIL is the last alive, I am not doing any care so she will be going in to a home, just like I will not expect my DS to have me as sad as that is I have seen how people are robbed of their lives with caring responsibilities.

In all our financial plans we have factored in zero inheritance and that’s the issue people factor it in and then when it doesn’t go their way they get annoyed. It is completely foolish to rely on an inheritance.

It’s all well and good to say that OP is going to provide care and therefore will essentially “earn” the 35% , but that is dependent on how long it works for. What happens if this set up only works for a few months or a year or two? Eg if the parents die? In that case, the arguments for this financial set up don’t seem as clear cut - OP still gets 35% of her house paid off, and 1/3 of the inheritance.

Also, what if they end up needing to go into care sooner than expected? Things can change quickly, eg a nasty fall. A few months of caring for them at home, and OP still gets 35% of her house paid, but her siblings likely get no inheritance because it still goes on care home fees, and perhaps her parents end up in a lower quality setting due to a significant chunk of their funds being tied up in OP’s house.

As a sibling, I also wouldn’t feel comfortable with the lack of formal protections for my parents in this set up.

I’m one of three siblings and we have a similar set up. Parents sold their house and gifted large chunk of cash to youngest sibling and her partner who then purchased a property with an annexe for parents. The deal is youngest sibling is responsible for care of parents and in return she keeps all money from sale of house in the future. Parents gifted myself and the other sibling a smaller chunk of cash.

We’re all very close and all felt this was fair. In fact, I genuinely cannot see how your siblings might object. They need to put a price on the responsibility of care!

I doubt any solicitor would be happy for two people to put a substantial amount of money into a property where they intend to live but have no legal protection.

Pay for some proper legal advice from a solicitor who specialises in Trusts.

We've got a legally binding agreement that if we divorce, the money from my parents stays with me. If I die, it will go to DH but on the basis that if he remarries or has more children the money will be inherited (if there is any of it left...) by our DC, not any DC he has with future partners or any SC

Did you draw that up yourselves? How does it protect your parents if you die?

Money can bring out the worst in people or people struggle to get their heads around what's happening and ask legitimate questions. Also unless you are doing it it's hard to understand how all consuming it can be caring for elderly parents. You haven't said what a third of the house price is money wise and what percentage of their estate this is. I also think although grabby it's fair to think that money will ultimately pass to your children not their children or potential children which can make a massive difference life chance wise for the young people. Childhood jealousy raises its head also. ultimately I'd hope they'd understand how much worry you've saved them by living with parents but it's fair enough they have some questions about it.

@InheritenceArguments YABVU for several reasons

1. Not having a full legal agreement of what ifs. Not just divorce but what if you can’t cope, what if you want to downsize, what if you fall out etc.
2. Consider making it an interest free loan where each month £x rent is deducted from the loan. This keeps the money side clean and transparent.
3. Deprivation of assets, the LA can go back a long time as there is no limit. The 7 year rule is for inheritance tax only.

If I were your parents I’d call sibling to say ‘we are SO touched by your display of love and affection. I assure you if you were regularly present and offering the level of support your sister does that we would happily enter into this arrangement with you. We don’t begrudge your move, we just ask that you recognise this represents a great value deal to us and we are looking forward to it very much. If your sister moved away as they would have had to do without our commitment, we would have had to engage carers for regular visits and support to retain our quality of life, I’ll let you do the maths to work out that actually your sister is clearly saving us money, and quite a bit of it assuming we live beyond another few years as we and hopefully you too very much hope is the case! I do however appreciate your insistence on being scrupulously fair between our children, i hadn’t thought of it that way so we will look at making it up to her in our will.’

then after hanging up I’d mutter take that you avaricious little twat.

Be careful what you wish for. Having a big house funded to a large degree by your parents might seem like a good idea now but, in the event either or both of your parents become ill, you will be brought to your knees. It can be an absolutely hellish situation and one that no amount of money can compensate for.

Yes, it's back breaking, life breaking work loooong term. You and your siblings will hate each other at the end of it anyway. Because they've left you, quite literally, cleaning up the shit.