To just want a childless day out?

I think it's really shortsighted for women to not make an effort to maintain their friendships just because they have young children. The occasional hour or two of adult-only time with a friend can keep you connected and lets the other person know that you value their friendship and can prioritize them every once in a while.

So many threads on here about how lonely people are, how they don't have any "real" friends, etc. It isn't magic! Enduring friendships require upkeep and effort. So foolish to not at least try.

I think honesty is the best policy. Just have a chat with her and tell her you think her kids are great, but sometimes you just want adult only days out and it's nothing to be offended about.

If she didn't listen I would stop inviting her to so many things, I would only invite her to the things I didn't mind kids coming to.
If he asked me why she wasn't invited to everything I'd tell her the truth, I don't want to be with kids 24/7

Just say look sorry ? But this is an expensive event and we really want to enjoy it as adults, we don't want to have to plan things around a child because as I said it's a lot of money and we want to do what we want and enjoy it as adults.

Yes I can see that does save money but I just think Kelloggs taste better?

What do you mean she gets offended? She can't just pull a tantrum and think she can get her way surely?
Don't hunt, say that you are leaving your kids at home because you need a break so let's have some adult time.

Are you reading a different thread ?

What are you talking about ?

*I've tried to nicely say in advance about adults only but it's been brushed off or told it will be ok and how much the kids enjoy going out with us. Do I just be brutally honest?

Yes, you need to be honest.
If she so lacks the ability to pick up on your hints, then that is when you have to be blunt.
I don't understand how she can possibly think someone else wants to do some adult thing, makes arrangements for their own dc, and then would want to spend their day with another person's dc

Or am I a miserable bitch who should just put up with it? Or a mean mum who enjoys time sans kids?
Of course you aren't. Many of us love our dc dearly, but still also appreciate doing something when we don't have to arrange the day around them. Let alone someone else's dc.

Surprise her with tickets to something /somewhere.. 2 tickets....

WTF? This is a very strange response. What “roller coaster” of emotions?
OP YANBU. It’s ok to kindly say no

Of all the options that you offer in the last paragraph in your opening post, I go with "miserable bitch".

You are a shit friend who lacks the empathy to understand what it means to be a mother. Instead of being happy for your friend, who is currently going through a roller coaster of emotions, you only focus on you and what is convenient for you.

You should reconsider your stance on this one.

I have one of these friends! I don’t deal with it anymore. Just a brisk “oh, no thanks that doesn’t work for me, I need some child free time and that’s why mine are staying home. Let me know when that would work for you and we will just give this one a miss”. Could care less if she’s offended. She’s obviously not worried I’m offended she’s changing the dynamic by trying to bring her kid everywhere.

You leave your own kids at home and she assumes you want to do the activity with her kids? Next you suggest something adults only and she makes noise about bringing her child. Just say "we can reschedule to time when you have a babysitter/hisband able to take kids".

Just tell her. Explain that as a parent you need time off from kids, and that includes hers.

YANBU to want some child free time but your friend is not unreasonable to want to do things with her kids especially if she thinks it's something they would enjoy. Have your child-free time with someone else! You won't gain anything by making her choose whether to spend time with you or with her kids, sounds like she'll choose the kids AND be annoyed with you.

I have a friend like this, she definitely thinks wanting "adult only time" is a bit weird. I have just accepted that I have to see her with her kids and any private conversations take place on WhatsApp. I wouldn't be spending money on an event that I didn't want to have to deal with her kids too. Hard if you've already planned it but can you take another friend along and she can deal with her own kid while you two adults go off?

or give it a few years until the youngest is a teen and wouldn't be seen dead with us

😂You got that right!

YANBU
She's being a load if she's doing this every time.
You have to be clear about your boundaries. She may not like it, but I wouldn't want to spend my spare time & money on a day out that's compromised by someone else's young child.

You have to be honest with her and tell her that as a mum you need some adult time away from children and that you love her children but really want to go to this particular event without them. Tell her that you understand childcare can be tricky so if she can't come along alone then you'll understand if she has to skip it. Don't sacrifice your own opportunity to go to this event. If my friend said this to me, I would understand.

Just tell her the actual truth!

"I was really hoping for an adult only day, do you think we can still do that? If not, I'm going to head off somewhere else for the day and we can meet up another time"