To just want a childless day out?

other peoples children are incredibly annoying when you’re trying to have adult time.

I agree with you OP. Free time is so precious. I've got three kids, although they're all older now, and I remember feeling as you do. I was happy to leave them with their dad and enjoy a bit of space and adult conversation. I was fortunate that most of my friends were alike. We did stuff with the kids and stuff without.

If someone wants to be with their children all the time that's ok. They can live as they wish. I'm not hanging out though...I'd rather talk to my own kids and they're at home.

She's taking this personally, which is strange, considering that you're obviously fine with 'excluding' your own children, as well. It's nothing against her children.

If she doesn't want to go out without her kids, that's fine, but she should accept that you might not feel that way. I think your answer is clear, here: She doesn't want to do a childless day out. If you get her to do it anyway, she'll probably consider that she's making a sacrifice, and I'd expect a passive-aggressive comment or two along the lines of 'My Archie would've loved this! (sigh)'

Weirdly, sometimes adults like to enjoy activities without their kids. OP could take hers but she doesn't want to.

@hoonicorn

op doesn’t want any kids there.

Do your kids get along? Can't you bring your child and then the kids have each other?

Do you have any other friends? Just accept this isn't the friend to do adult only events with.

I have a friend like this. She used to be perfectly normal, but has recently decided that her kids are mature, intelligent and interesting enough to be welcomed into the adult social world. They are not. The youngest is seven.

What ???

YANBU and I completely understand. I have loads of adult friends with kids and we very rarely take the kids along. Because they are my friends, I like their kids but the whole point of socialising is that I want to speak to my friends often about adult stuff and not be fielding questions about Minecraft, snacks, breaking up petty arguments or being pestered to hurry up every 5 minutes. Plus as you say the things I want to do are not child friendly. Obviously I do take my kids to interesting places on other occasions.

Stand your ground on this OP- as well as being blind to other people’s feelings she’s actually quite rude to not be prepared to compromise occasionally when she doesn’t have massive childcare issues etc. I’d agree with going on your own too.

"

I’ll take that sad face as a no so I will go to the event on my own and maybe we can plan something else in the future.
"
Perfect.

She has told her before though and keeps being brushed off saying it'll be Ok 😕

Why on earth haven't you told her before? Stop being such a doormat and just tell her. Or appreciate that many mums are like this, but it isn't for you. I can't stand it, I would've had to tell her.

I'd honestly go without her, and if she says anything, say "oh sorry, I assumed you didn't want to go seeing as you said you weren't happy with the situation?
communicated via sad face emoji
You should have said you wanted to come!
Then don't give the situation any more thought, tell yourself she chose not to come.
Don't miss out as she's so dithery and uncommunicative.

What on earth are you talking about?!

Also some friends are "kid event only friends". This might be this friend - you keep meet ups to things that you want to take your kids to.

I think a lot of people think "I don't want to do a child centred activity" to mean "I don't like your child". They don't understand the difference.

I would send a message saying "I really like spending time with "child's name", but I think this activity isn't child friendly, and he will get bored. This activity is quite expensive - if we are going do something with kids, I would rather spend money doing something that they will enjoy"

Plus there's an assumption there that other people want the company of her children or should have to accept it on all social occasions. Nope, nope, nope.

Any news??

Im afraid it was all one sided her way or no way.
But i understand where op is coming from im not saying i dont it just reminded me of what i put up with.

Gosh she sounds annoying

Not much advice op but it just made me remember that old friend that always said only if your child free

@earther But the scenario you're describing is also completely one-sided. Your friend expected to exclusively socialize child-free when the entire friend group had small children. The OP is just asking for the occasional adult only meet-up.

Healthy adult relationships involve compromise. I wouldn't expect a completely one-sided friendship to stand the test of time. It's hardly a surprise that your friendship fizzled out since this woman apparently had to have things her way 100% of the time.

She is waiting for you to respond and agree her kid can come. How silly of her. Be a grown up and talk properly!

Meant to say fast forward 18 years.

Many moons ago i had a friend that would always ask me and others to come out or over hers we was fine with it but only if we were child free.
She new most of us had no child care or help or family but would still ask she had 2 kids her self but always had a sitter.
It was always text in caps ONLY IF YOUR CHILD FREE.
It fizzled out in the end.
Fast forward 20 years she message me on FB at the time dont have it now.
And after a few hi hows it been she said she had 4 more kids and lots of her old friends lost contact with her they (fizzled out they stopped baby sitting) .
She asked if we could meet up catch up in a child friendly place maybe a play centre i said yeah sure if your child free my babys 20 now i dont think he wants to play any more i dont have any other children.
I never got a reply.
Not much advice op but it just made me remember that old friend that always said only if your child free.