To think my friend is truly awful for doing this?

How u comfortable dis you feel when he refused to see or care for his child during the first six months of its life?

Clearly it is dishonest what she is doing. But I have never been abandoned for the first six months post birth.

I can understand but don’t condone the impulse.

YABU. This is a case of a man who failed in his practical duties as a dad and as a partner to the mother of his child. Your friend deserves every penny she can get out of him. It's giving her and her child a good quality of life, which will compensate for the stress he caused her, and the emotional neglect his actions will have likely caused his child.

Even if you disagree, please mind your own business. Don't tell your husband. He will tell his colleague; men almost always stick up for each other.

This will lead to loads of trouble between your friend and her ex, which will ultimately cause her and her daughter to suffer. The co-parenting relationship between your friend and her ex will likely never recover from her dishonesty.

Always think of and prioritise the children in any situation. Your friend's daughter is innocent. She does not deserve to suffer, which regardless of morals, will be the ultimate outcome of you kicking the hornet's nest.

Also, it will 100% nuke your friendship.

Feel free to privately disagree with her. If you must, you can say you personally don't approve, but you'll support her and keep her secret.

This wouldn’t bother me, he doesn’t sound like a great parent not seeing his child for 6 months and never having her overnight. He’s leaving a lot to your friend including the mental load (he’s clearly never sorted nursery).

Look at it this way, she probably spends more than he gives her on her child, she just has some of her own money left over now to treat herself.

@Beezknees 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

The 'father' of my DD walked away when she was a toddler (and knew who he was - "Where's Daddy?) and has had nothing to do with her since. She's preteen now. Not paid a penny.

OP, there is no way to know all the details of her marriage, split and child support. Don't judge, don't repeat it and myob.

Agree with this.

If she'll defraud one person, she'll defraud anyone.

She's not an admirable person.

I feel the same reading this thread. Imagine if this was posted in reverse? Can't believe people are justifying this. Truth is there is no justification for deceit like this. None. None. I ignored signs of a friends behaviour years ago, convinced that - oh well, at least she will never do this to me. She did.

I Couldn't trust her.

Where do you see me making women victims?
Women have two points to stop child being born: sex and early pregnamcy.
Men have one: sex.
So ther is zero point in men complaining about women getting an abortion as they can, as men, very effectivelly stop women from getting pregnant and child being born in the first place (unless man was raped).
It is just biology.

Oh a man that actually is paying over what the CMS say he should for his OWN child boo fucking hoo!

@LondonFox Any man old enough to legaly have sex had education on how babies were made.

Any man old enough to legaly have sex had education on how babies were made. - as does a woman?

Man makes decision about having childrrn at the point he agrees to unprotected sex.
-as does a woman?

(and I'm talking about sex within a relationship - not rape)

Stop making women into victims. We are perfectly capable of making our own decisions in life, without relying on men to decide things for us.

Especially something as life-changing as pregnancy.

Lol what?
Any man old enough to legaly have sex had education on how babies were made.
Man makes decision about having childrrn at the point he agrees to unprotected sex.
It is that simple.

good on her.

she clearly misjudged you and was sharing too openly.

Six months of coping on her own with a newborn, he’s NEVER had her overnight. Imagine those first six months, they should have been the happiest of her life, but her DP left her. I don’t feel a huge amount of sympathy for him. This wouldn’t worry me. She’s your friend, not him.

No one will be confiding in you then I hope, what a busy body you are!

Perhaps she should send a poison pen letter too eh!l?

I hate this argument, women should just end the pregnancy if the man decides he doesn’t want to be a father after he’s already got her pregnant, or else raise the baby with no financial help. If she ends the pregnancy it is her that has to live with that decision. I would imagine that having an abortion can be an extremely stressful and emotional time for a woman, that some women would not be willing to put themselves through. So what about those women? Tough on them? Or here’s another idea, if he didn’t want to be a father maybe prevent the pregnancy before it happened 🤷‍♀️

This!

If my friend told me she had been doing this, I wouldn’t for a second think she was going to rob me blind in future. Her action is a reaction, it’s not as if she’s pick pocketing people on the street, I’d just make a note not to get her pregnant and abandon my child for 6 months.

As for those who say they would distance themselves.. Do you think any of his mates have felt the need to distance themselves from him when he abandoned an infant? Fucking no chance.

As they say, not my monkeys not my circus.

She’s probably got a 2 for 1 hotel voucher she’s not telling you about too

Surely he could look into the costs himself to check everything is correct?
I think it must be hard being left with the baby by herself . I can understand why she is doing it.

No wonder he left her if this is the sort of character she is, christ.

Totally awful of her to be lying, but it’s not your problem. Don’t discuss. It will only bring you misery.

You can’t afford the holiday so it’s ok to ask her to bring it to your level and she can spend her ill gotten gains elsewhere.

it’s ok to let her know it worries you, that’s fine to say.

To be honest I think it is none of your business and you should not be getting worked up about it. He was no better leaving her pregnant and not seeing their daughter until she was 6mths old so I would say he is only paying back what he was not paying then. I could not do it but it is her business and I would not fall out with a friend over it. I would ask her does she not feel guilty at all for it but she is doing all the parenting and it is hard being a single parent and not getting time for yourself so unless you are in her situation really hard to judge what you would do in the same scenario.

Team.OP , she is being dishonest and that's not a quality I would want in a friend.

I'd be worried that a woman who lies this easily to other people and who is basically committing fraud would end up doing the same to me.

@Beezknees It's not about women having the "power" it's just how biology works, women can get pregnant and men can't. Whoever doesn't want a child, should be responsible for contraception, simple as that.

Exactly!!
So, if a woman doesn't want to get pregnant, she should be responsible .........

I would not be friends with her any longer. And I’d be tempted to tell her why, and make sure the father knows.