To think my friend is truly awful for doing this?

I see where you’re coming from. But is it right that we demand the system of payments made to support the cost of disability be tightened to the point where every penny spent by the claimant has to be itemised and justified, while simultaneously allowing a system of payments made to support the cost of childcare to be so lax that it’s possible to defraud it as easily as the OP’s friend seems to be doing, in order to benefit herself ?

If he can't even be bothered to have the child overnight I highly doubt he'd want to go to court for more access, and I disagree that a judge would be sympathetic towards a man who didn't see his child for the first 6 months of their life and doesn't even do overnights now.

It's only a double standard if it is the same people on both threads contradicting themselves.

Not necessarily. If you are working (I assume as the child is in nursery) and are also sole carer of a young child with no opportunities for the child to go on overnight stays with the father, then going on a short holiday may replenish your batteries to keep soldering on.

It could be considered an investment.

She is lying and as such stealing. Not only does it put into question her values and principles by by doing so, she is not helping herself.

It will come out. He will wise out. He will meet someone who will tell him that she is likely getting tax relief. If he ever needs to take her to court for more access, wanting to take the child abroad or whatever reason, and he tells the judge of her deception for all this time, he will get all the sympathy and the mistrust of the judge.

I too would have an issue with respecting her as a friend even if I would try to convince myself it's none of my business.

Comments on those threads frequently draw comparisons between the intended use of child benefits and disability benefits, so l think it absolutely does stand up as a double standard.

I agree. It may also be pointless to compare the relationship between a woman and her ex to a community of disabled people and the state.

Yes, but different people with different opinions will be posting on different threads. So it's pointless comparing them.

I think this poster was referring to the general mindset, not not accusing specific posters. If you have a look at those threads there does seem to be a stark contrast and what the OP’s friend is doing, is basically fraud. The fact that her ex is a piece of shit is irrelevant.

She should be planning ahead, but she’s clearly not saving the extra. She’s spending it on an extra day off work and a nice holiday. I think that might be short sighted of her.

I think that a thread on disability benefit might attract quite different posters to those drawn to comment on this thread, so your non-evidence based proclamation of double standards doesn't hold up.

Yes, I feel really sorry for the friend. She is happily confiding in op in a jokey way and planning little holidays away with her while having no idea of how much op despises her. Op, please do your friend a favour and leave her to find some real friends. What with her ex and you she and her child deserve much better.

Pretty sure that if it wasn't, OP would have said because she doesn't have a very high opinion of her friend. She added that part in later.

Where does it say it's his choice not to have the child overnight? Have I missed that?

Yes, different people on this site have different views. Funny that. Is it the exact same posters on the disability threads that are on this thread? Because I certainly haven't said anything of the sort.

But you justify a man not parenting his child?

The double standards on MN are hysterical. Three separate threads on disability benefits this week. All of them proclaiming vehemently that it’s right to take away the monthly contribution to the cost of disability and instead force disabled people to prove the cost of everything they need, or move from cash to vouchers, so that the money isn’t ‘frittered away on things not disability related’ to quote one poster. And yet it’s fine to basically claim from the state for your child and then spend that money on a luxury mini break for yourself because dad is stumping up as well ? Might not be fraud in the legal sense but it’s morally bankrupt in my view.

You sound abit too straight edged tbh....don't get me wrong I generally hate money frauds, but in this situation I would do the bloody same.If she had left him/he didn't do anything wrong to cause the relationship breakdown it would be really wrong, but fair play to her wanting to rinse the idiot for whatever after he behaved like that.He deserves it.

I don't get why you are defending him and taking his side so much.....surely you can see he treated your friend and her child like shit.
Sounds abit like you're jealous of her financial situation, although perhaps she was abit vulgar and braggy about it.

So predictable. I am female and a mother funnily enough I just don't think you can justify theft!

Definitely. Or the wives of men that are probably terrible fathers themselves.

There are lots of men posting on this thread trying to change the tone.

What efforts did YOU make op to judge him for being so poor? How did you feel when your friend was left literally holding the baby?

I would be so supportive of a friend of mine that was taking care of herself and her child like this, especially after such a difficult start. Are you jealous of her self care and time with her dd by any chance? It might be time to look more closely at your own life if you begrudge her happiness.

I actually think it is the op who isn't being quite honest with us. She is painting her friend as dishonest when she is nothing of the kind. Her ex pays for childcare and on one of the days he pays for she uses her paid holiday allowance from work to spend the day with her dc. She is paying for that day with her holiday allowance. What kind of friend describes this as fraud? What kind of friend is so jealous of some measly benefit that her single parent friend enjoys that she describes her friend as a bad person she wants nothing to do with and shares it all over the internet?

And yet you've said nothing about wanting the dad to do his fair share of parenting. Why are you not bothered about that?

She sounds vile
i wouldn’t want to be friends with her