VERY long post - name change, some details may be changed to try to protect identity.
A couple of weeks ago my SD12 (has lived with us full time since she was a toddler with CAO in place) went to the police and said my DH is abusing her (hitting, using weapons to threaten her etc). She’s been with her mum since this has happened.
It’s no secret she wants to live with her mum full time and both her and her mum over the years has resorted to pretty nasty measures (false allegations to police previously, his job - which he lost, friends etc). We’ve been together 10 years so I’ve lived through all of this with him.
SD and my DS12 are very close, and we’ve had concerns about how possessive she has been over him in the past. SD said DH had also done this to DS (whilst I sit and laugh at their fear 🙄). Police questioned DS who said 1 incident happened maybe 7 years ago. He retracted his statement the next day and told me that he feels he has been controlled my SD for a long time and she had (somehow) convinced him “this incident had happened and that the police need to know about it.”
DH was arrested and released on bail pending investigation, social services have been involved and I’ve been told by them it looks like the case is going to be dropped imminently due to no evidence, DS retracting his statement and SD/ her mums previous malicious allegations and motives which have always been dropped. (Because obviously, he’s not guilty anyway!). Bail conditions have been DH is not allowed home so has been staying with family, and not allowed contact with DCs.
So legal side should all be ok, however DH is, understandably, feeling gutted, hurt, betrayed by SD and DS. He’s made the decision to not have SD anymore (that needs to be a conversation with SS as he has full parental responsibility). I also think this would be the best for all of us (we have other DCs too). But is also saying he can never live with/ have a relationship with my DS anymore as he was a part of this which has had serious consequences for DH. He says he can’t come back and live in the house with him as he can’t live his life in fear of everything being turned upside down again.
DH and I are a very strong couple and love each other/ don’t want to be apart, but he just cannot see a way of us continuing with my DS still around…
Im desperate for advice to how I can fix their broken relationship, or do we accept that this will never work and just go our separate ways now?
Thank you 🙏🏻