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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to use birth control at 45

106 replies

IDontLikeMondays88 · 01/05/2024 15:58

DH tried for baby number 2 for about 2 years without success. We stopped trying as I moved job.
however I am now established in new job and thinking perhaps we gave up too easily.
pregnancy probably unlikely at 45 but would I be unreasonable not to actively try but not to use birth control and see what happens

OP posts:
theeyeofdoe · 01/05/2024 16:12

You’ve a general 5-6% chance of conceiving each month (obviously this varies wildly as some people are through the menopause at 45).

the issue is that even if you do get pregnant you’ve a 50% chance of miscarriage and a significant chance of the baby being born with a chromosomal defect.

personally I’d have a mirena coil and forget about it.

DreadPirateRobots · 01/05/2024 16:10

I get why you would leave it up to chance, but are you prepared to leave yourself open to e.g. multiple miscarriages, some of which may be traumatic? Impacts on your own health, physical and mental? At 45 things are more likely to go wrong than right even if you do conceive, bluntly put. Are you OK with those risks against the very small chance of a healthy live birth?

Original poster
IDontLikeMondays88 · 01/05/2024 16:07

I suppose the age factor is on my mind a bit.

OP posts:
dizzydizzydizzy · 01/05/2024 16:05

If you and DH both agree to have a baby then YANBU

CharlotteLightandDark · 01/05/2024 16:05

I’m 45 and I feel too old to have a baby, my kids are 19 and 17. But if it’s what you want go for it I guess, it is objectively pretty old though.

HaventGotAScoob · 01/05/2024 16:04

Thats up to you and a personal decision. Not sure what your AIBU is really.