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AIBU?

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Original poster

Racist NCT friends

34 replies

Carrielotte · 01/05/2024 12:52

I’ve been part of a NCT group for 6+ years now. Aside from my partner and I, who are both of asian backgrounds, all the other members of the group are caucasian white (English) and are super close with one another for various reasons.
The other night, I walked into a conversation where a couple of the group mums were talking about their DC’s schools. One of the mums, Mum 1 said that they refuse to make friends with any of her DC’s school mums as they were all ‘chavs’.
The other mum, Mum 2, then proceeded to say ‘There is only one polish girl in our school, as well as a group of Asians, thankfully.’
Mum 1 then goes ‘Thankfully everyone else is white!’.
Obviously oblivious to the fact I was listening, or maybe they just didn’t care.

I was too stunned to speak up. The other NCT mums came into the room, so there was a change in subject and they didn’t hear the conversation. But hearing all that has made me so upset and angry and questioning everything, especially as Mum2 has always seemed super sweet to me, and has always praised my children.
I’m tempted to leave the group after all these years, but unfortunately my children are in the same school and friendship circles with the other children of the NCT group, and I will always be crossing paths with the other mums, who are super tight with each other.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Apollo365 · 01/05/2024 14:46

Disgusting. I couldn’t no longer be friends with these people. So sorry OP.

YankSplaining · 01/05/2024 14:46

Confused - when they said there was one Polish girl and a group of Asians and everyone else was white, were they saying that Polish people (along with Asian people) aren’t white?

All my ancestors on my dad’s side were Polish or Polish-American, and the thought that I might be “not white” is kind of hilarious to me.

Blacknailer · 01/05/2024 14:45

Can't imagine being friends with someone who would make the chav comment.

The comments on ethnicity... She couldn't have been saying it was a good thing that thankfully there was some diversity in the school?
Probably not, you know what you heard but it could possibly be that.

Dotjones · 01/05/2024 14:45

It sounds like the usual human thought pattern going on here. We naturally gravitate towards people who are like us and distrust those who are different. They don't see you as Asian, they see you as someone like them. To them, Asians are people who are not like them, people they don't know, people they don't trust. That's why they aren't bothered about you overhearing them talking like that - they think that because you're like them, you probably agree.

It's the old "I hate all foreigners, except for the ones I've met who to be fair were alright" thinking.

BobbyBiscuits · 01/05/2024 14:43

They are both stereotyping and sounding racist. I guess you know that about them, but don't let it make you leave the whole group. Not all of them are like that, surely?
I'm my area you would not hear people speaking that way, I think. There are so many people of different races round here you'd never get someone saying everyone was white. Or that it was a positive.

habitineedrightnow · 01/05/2024 14:42

I'd say what you overheard and that it upset you. I think as you're friends it would really make them reflect on their opinions and prejudices. I expect they'll be mortified as well they should be.

SpoonyGoldBiscuit · 01/05/2024 14:38

Yanbu, don't take it personally- it's most likely due to their upbringing and hopefully doesn't represent the views of everyone else in the group. I wouldn't leave the group if this was an isolated incident although I know how upsetting it feels for you to hear that conversation as someone who is Asian.

idreamoftoddlersleepytime · 01/05/2024 14:33

I'm sorry this has happened but they've shown you who they are. Time to cut them loose. Don't feel bad and be honest if anyone asks why you've dropped them. You don't need to cover for their racism out of social anxiety.

Wordsmithery · 01/05/2024 14:10

How horrible, and I (hope and imagine) completely contrary to the ethos of NCT.
I'd have to say something, even if it risks your place in the group, because I'd need to know that i had the support of the rest of the group. Challenge, bring it out in the open. You may find support in unexpected places.
Good luck.