Racist NCT friends

Call it out. I'm Asian and I've had similar from the village gossips on the playground. You don't need to be confrontational. Just tell a few of the group that you overheard what the person said and you really don't want much to do with that person. Also that you are concerned that the child will be hearing discriminatory language at home. Then step away.

I did similar and I'm happy not to be included amongst a bunch of bigots and ignorants.

You finding this out early means you won't have to put up with their fakeness from the outset and I promise that you will find your own people and so will your child.

Certainly as an Irish person living in England, I encountered a certain minority of English people for whom Irish people ‘weren’t quite white’.

And, just as with you, OP, you never know when you’re going to encounter it. You think you’re in a safe situation, and then, bam, something hits out of the blue, and you feel like an idiot for having let your guard down. I’m sorry it happened to you.

I'm sorry @Carrielotte , this is fucking awful. Horrible people.

To me the term chav is offensive and always has been, even when I was at school. It is judging people based on certain characteristics e.g. how they dress and speak and implying they are less because of it. There's usually an undercurrent that they are poorer/less educated. Whilst it can be linked to poor behaviour (being a yob etc), people will describe others as 'chavs' or 'chavvy' based on looks/accent alone, and it's not meant as a positive judgement.

How upsetting. I hope the woman sees your post on here and has the shock of her life.

I suppose you could message her and ask her what she meant, since you are Asian and thought that you were friends?

But it's tricky if she's the Queen Bee type of the group as she'll probably just freeze you out. And the fact that two people were having that conversation when you were in the house means they really weren't hiding it very well.

Could you post on the group chat asking for advice, since your child came home from school upset that someone said something racist? See how they react.

You've been in the group 6 years, and have never heard anything like this before ?
Could it be they see you as one of them, & disregard your ethnicity ?

That’s horrendous, I’d have to say aomethng. This is an example of ‘of but I don’t mean you’ racism. It’s awful. Not racism but I had the ‘oh I don’t mean you’ when it comes to single mums or council houses which has been horrible but what you’ve experienced is disgusting. I know how hard it is to say anythng sometimes though but I’m so angry for you.

Wait, what’s wrong with calling someone a chav? Reading some of these responses, I wonder if the word has moved on from my understanding of it

Please call them out. Please please please. I know it's horrible but imagine the looks on their faces as they squirm and try to make it out like they didn't say it.
They think it's ok to make others feel like outsiders, time to turn the tables and give them a taste of their own medicine. Call them out and humiliate them.

What they mean by their Polish comment is, Polish as in the unwanted Eastern European refugee kind .

Not all white people are equal, didn't you know?

All my ancestors on my dad’s side were Polish or Polish-American, and the thought that I might be “not white” is kind of hilarious to me

Same here. My guess is that to these racist bitches Polish is "not like them" and therefore not the "right kind of white". Setting quite the example for their children, aren't they?🙄

I think they are happy with the Asians in school (have a stereotype rep of studying hard and doing well) and Polish child, I think it was expressing they are glad they are the only 'not like us' children. They are pleased there's no other races, eg black children. Which still makes them racist as hell and not okay.

So now you know.

I'm sorry you have faced this at a place where you hope to make friends

Easier said than done to challenge, but if you did, you might find the rest of the group are equally disgusted by them. If not, then you can decide what else you want to do.

I guess you could either directly challenge in front of the others 'Hi, When I came in last week I heard you say your children go to X school, is it good? (Gets them talking and so they can't deny the conversation). And then hit them with ' but you also said you were glad that other than a group of Asian children everyone else is white. Do you think all the parents there feel that way? Do you think I'd be better looking elsewhere for my child as I don't want them to deal with prejudice at school?'

Or you could tell the leader you heard two women making racist comments last week, could she remind the group it's not acceptable.

This is well put. I am also Asian and have experienced this. Often people don't see me as Asian because I dress in Western clothes and don't have any religious markers. So sometimes they inadvertently come out with racist comments because they divide Asians into good Asians and bad Asians. I have also been struck dumb in the moment.

Don't leave the whole group though, because of a few bad apples.

Don't give yourself a hard time. It is easy for someone who wasn't there to say they would have said something, but your response is very natural.

There have been times I have been at something and been rendered speechless.

You can think now about how to react and you don't have a responsibility to take on every racist comment you are exposed to.

I'd leave the group. Your children can still be friends with their children. But there's no way I would choose to spend time with people who have these views.

They can not be friends if they are racist. I would be avoiding them as much as I possibly could.

This exchange:
The other mum, Mum 2, then proceeded to say ‘There is only one polish girl in our school, as well as a group of Asians, thankfully.’
Mum 1 then goes ‘Thankfully everyone else is white!’.
Sounds very shocking.

I would have said something there and then, and certainly wouldn't be friendly with them going forward. But I'd make it known to them that I'd heard and would prob leave the group..

Unfortunately their attitudes have probably passed down to their children. Would you tell your child to accept casual racism from their 'friends'? I would probably distance myself from those two mums, because I doubt this is something you'd be able to just forget about.

Leave the group and say why. Doing it after the event means it should be seen as not just heat of the moment.

Oh ignore me I completely missed the next sentence that she was thankful everyone else is white.

My god. Nope they wouldn't be my friends!