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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to hubby of 20 years over a sandwich

139 replies

Mumto5kiddies · 01/05/2024 12:24

I do the shopping, hubby very rarely does. On the way home today from an appointment with one of the kids I asked if he could nip to a supermarket and get some toilet roll(to add he’s the one in the house that spends most of their time on the toilet). He grabbed the toilet roll and came in with a sandwich for him and DD.

I know I’m tired and have a lot going on health wise but I got annoyed that he didn’t even think of calling me and saying do you want a sandwich as I’m buying for myself and DD.

So he’s come in and I’ve said it’s annoyed and upset me that I shop for everybody and make sure I buy for everybody but I didn’t even cross his mind which prompted the child in him to storm into the kitchen and dramatically throw the sandwich away instead of eating it, it wasn’t opened so I took it out and put it in the fridge. He then asked me what my problem was and he can’t do anything right.

If I shop and see something I think he would like I always buy it for him but he pretty much eats anything whereas I’m a picky eater.

Would you be annoyed/upset or AIBU?

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 01/05/2024 13:58

exomoon · 01/05/2024 13:56

Folk round here should find another site if they like to police language.

Edited

You didn't have to edit. I don't mind being told to piss off!!

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 01/05/2024 13:57

I must admit sometimes I get a sandwich for myself if I am in a shop and don't ask DP if he wants one because he is such a picky eater I can't be bothered to search forever for something he will eat.
In my defence though I do 100% of cooking at home so I think I am entitled to the odd ready made sandwich while he makes his own.

Mumto5kiddies · 01/05/2024 13:57

Crunchymum · 01/05/2024 13:50

Folk round here don't like "hubby" (Or "hub" or "bubba" or "bubs")

Must admit I kind of agree.

Oh, this is my first post. I wasn’t aware it was offence but I felt see you next Tuesday maybe too harsh.

OP posts:
exomoon · 01/05/2024 13:56

Crunchymum · 01/05/2024 13:50

Folk round here don't like "hubby" (Or "hub" or "bubba" or "bubs")

Must admit I kind of agree.

Folk round here should find another site if they like to police language.

Mumto5kiddies · 01/05/2024 13:53

HeddaGarbled · 01/05/2024 13:50

I was completely thinking that you were right to be annoyed and upset until you said about being a picky eater. Now I don’t know: he could have been being thoughtless and selfish, or he could genuinely be doubtful about whether you would want one or not.

But I’ve been with him 20 years so he knows what I like to eat. When I say picky I mean I will eat vegetarian sandwiches like cheese and onion but I’m allergic to eggs so can’t have those, which he knows.

OP posts:
Mumto5kiddies · 01/05/2024 13:53

But I’ve been with him 20 years so he knows what I like to eat. When I say picky I mean I will eat vegetarian sandwiches like cheese and onion but I’m allergic to eggs so can’t have those, which he knows.

OP posts:
Mumto5kiddies · 01/05/2024 13:51

Uh oh, the “you didn’t ask” phrase is used a lot in this house😂.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 01/05/2024 13:50

I was completely thinking that you were right to be annoyed and upset until you said about being a picky eater. Now I don’t know: he could have been being thoughtless and selfish, or he could genuinely be doubtful about whether you would want one or not.

Crunchymum · 01/05/2024 13:50

Folk round here don't like "hubby" (Or "hub" or "bubba" or "bubs")

Must admit I kind of agree.

KitchenSinkLlama · 01/05/2024 13:48

Of course he was selfish and all those trying to justify his behaviour are just being arses. In a family unit it is normal to behave kindly to all members. What he did was selfish and unkind.
OP your husband is also an arse.

Mumto5kiddies · 01/05/2024 13:48

DecayedStrumpet · 01/05/2024 13:40

Slight chance that YABU if you never answer your phone? I don't bother calling/messaging DH about stuff like this any more as he never replies.

Otherwise that's very selfish and thoughtless behaviour on his part.

No I do always answer calls and texts from him
or DD 14 who was with him. Not always immediately but if I had missed it due to dealing with DD 13 months old that would be different.

OP posts:
Mumto5kiddies · 01/05/2024 13:44

Peonies12 · 01/05/2024 13:42

I think YABVU and petty: if you wanted a sandwich, you should have asked for one. And sort out wider issues with division of chores if it bothers you.

Because I can read minds and knew he was buying lunch?

OP posts:
exomoon · 01/05/2024 13:44

prompted the child in him to storm into the kitchen and dramatically throw the sandwich away

The fact he would prefer to throw the sandwich in the bin rather than offer it to you says a lot.

Mumto5kiddies · 01/05/2024 13:43

DrJoanAllenby · 01/05/2024 13:38

'He then asked me what my problem was and he can’t do anything right.'

Sounds like you nag him a lot.

'If I shop and see something I think he would like I always buy it for him but he pretty much eats anything whereas I’m a picky eater. '

You're a picky eater so he played it safe and didn't buy something you wouldn't eat.

Maybe that’s how he feels, however that was the first proper interaction we had today as we have 2 children that attend 2 different SEN schools on opposite sides of the county so he goes one way and I go the other, then he went straight to the Orthodontist with DD 14 so when he’s not working nights which he’s not starting his new job until tomorrow night we don’t see each other properly until about 9.40am on the school days but it was about 11am today and he kissed me goodbye at 8.15am like he meant it.

OP posts:
Peonies12 · 01/05/2024 13:42

I think YABVU and petty: if you wanted a sandwich, you should have asked for one. And sort out wider issues with division of chores if it bothers you.

DecayedStrumpet · 01/05/2024 13:40

Slight chance that YABU if you never answer your phone? I don't bother calling/messaging DH about stuff like this any more as he never replies.

Otherwise that's very selfish and thoughtless behaviour on his part.

Mumto5kiddies · 01/05/2024 13:39

Motnight · 01/05/2024 13:37

@GucciBear doesn't approve of your choice of language, Op, and is letting you know this.

Oh😂. @GucciBear thanks for adding nothing to the discussion.

OP posts:
DrJoanAllenby · 01/05/2024 13:38

'He then asked me what my problem was and he can’t do anything right.'

Sounds like you nag him a lot.

'If I shop and see something I think he would like I always buy it for him but he pretty much eats anything whereas I’m a picky eater. '

You're a picky eater so he played it safe and didn't buy something you wouldn't eat.

Motnight · 01/05/2024 13:37

Mumto5kiddies · 01/05/2024 13:35

I honestly have no idea what that means.

@GucciBear doesn't approve of your choice of language, Op, and is letting you know this.

exomoon · 01/05/2024 13:37

Mumto5kiddies · 01/05/2024 13:35

I honestly have no idea what that means.

Ignore them, they think they sound cool but in reality they sound tedious.

Mumto5kiddies · 01/05/2024 13:35

GucciBear · 01/05/2024 13:32

I think that your unreasonableness is in referring to him as "hubby"!! Does he call you "hun" in retaliation.?

I honestly have no idea what that means.

OP posts:
GucciBear · 01/05/2024 13:32

I think that your unreasonableness is in referring to him as "hubby"!! Does he call you "hun" in retaliation.?

FeralNun · 01/05/2024 13:32

He chucked the sandwich in the bin? What an utter tool.

He wants you to learn your lesson, OP - don’t ask him to think about your needs, not even basic ones. Don’t question him or complain, or you will regret it because DRAMA.

Sounds good as a way to live the rest of your life? No - didn’t think so.

nutbrownhare15 · 01/05/2024 13:27

Stop buying for for him or cooking for him. If he complains ask him what the problem is and say that you can't do anything right.