Is it rude to go to the wake if you didn't go to the funeral?

I agree. I feel really strongly that it’s a pretty normal scenario and if the family are happy with it, I can not begin to understand how it’s considered rude.

No! You can to the removals, the funeral, the wake, a combo of them or all three and it's fine.

I don't think it's rude. Funerals are often family only with more people showing up after.

I’m really surprised by the number of people saying it’s not rude. I think it’s incredibly rude and I’m not usually bothered by these sort of things. It just looks like you can’t be arsed actually engaging with the fact that someone has died and people are grieving, and are just treating it as a social event. An absolute no.

Its rude AF in my opinion. Really tacky behaviour.

I think it depends on how close you were to the deceased and sometimes practicalities.

Ahem the rest of the UK? I think you mean different in Ireland to the UK ☺️

Neither is wrong, it simply has a different meaning. Nobody in England calls the gathering following a funeral service the afters, it’s simply a different description, no need for either to be branded incorrect.

I feel remarkably strongly that this is fine, and it would be wrong to try to put him off. People coming to sympathise with the family is what matters most; I wouldn't have known who was in my DF's service anyway, but welcomed chats back at the wake. Some might feel differently, but better to have shown support if he can.

It is used for both in the uk:

1. COUNTABLE NOUN [usually singular]A wake is a gathering or social event that is held before or after someone's funeral.

it May not be the traditional meaning or usage but it’s now commonly used enough to be in various types of the English dictionary

The meaning of wake in Ireland is different to the rest of the UK.

As I said like its like pants, to some they go on before your trousers 👖 to others they are your trousers. Nobody's wrong the words have evolved to have different meanings in different places.

@notedbiscuits that's a totally different scenario. And the intent was there to get to the funeral.

I know of someone who back in the days before mobiles, rocked up at a funeral. We don't recognise these folk. They'd got the time wrong, so sat respectfully through a complete strangers funeral .

I can remember as a kid 70s / 80s people doing this, they mostly stood outside the church watching the ‘happy couple’ but some would go inside
Communities were smaller, everyone knew each other and it was a public event.

It's rude. To go to any food reception when you haven't attended the ceremony is very bad manners unless a very good genuine reason.

Also, a wake refers to when the person is 'waked' at home or in a funeral home, usually an open coffin where people come and pay their respects. I think you are referring to the reception afterwards with food etc

Well it's not because Wake means to stay with the deceased in their home before they are buried/cremated. It's not another word for the afters of a funeral that can be used interchangeably and have the same meaning 🤷🏻‍♀️
Clearly in the UK it's common for people to use it incorrectly
In Ireland generally it would be unusual to not attend the funeral but come to the afters

I don’t feel it’s rude. A friend of DS lost his mum and DS couldn’t get time off work. He went to the wake afterwards to support his friend. Nothing at all was thought of it and all afternoon people were coming and going (we were there also but we’d been to the funeral)

The wakes I’ve attended have been full of good memories being shared, laughs and reminiscing, quite a positive atmosphere after the funeral. I don’t think it’s as formal as it used to be. Especially as it’s someone he just used to drink with now and then, I wouldn’t think anything of someone popping in after to pay their respects.

Gosh. Funeral etiquette is so diverse. In England at least, the wake is post funeral. It's generally in a local pub or function room with a finger buffet and the funeral celebrant generally invites everyone at the end of the service.

If I wasn't able to attend the funeral due to work commitments etc and it was morning or early afternoon then I'd not attend the wake. But if I knew family or the deceased socially, I'd definitely pop in to the wake after work if it was in a local pub or hotel just to say hello and join in the celebration of a life. But I appreciate everyone grieves differently

I find a meal at a wake a strange concept, all funerals I’ve ever attended have been a buffet style rather than providing people a sit down meal.

Over and above that, I think it’s entirely common for people who maybe haven’t been in touch in recent times to still attend a funeral, people lose touch but it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t want to pay their respects.

This reminds me of Miley Cyrus singing at Pete Davidson in the wake of Kim-gate and rumours of his huge appendage 😆

I am Irish and live in England, I don’t think it’s rude.

My dad missed a cousin's funeral last year. His sat nav played up and he couldn't find the crematorium. He thought Gedling Crematorium was in Gedling. It's actually about 3-4 miles away. Name is misleading. Should be called North Nottingham Crematorium.

He turned up to the wake apologising. He wasn't the only relative that missed the funeral.

He had various numbers for other relatives attending the funeral but didn't want to ring them as everyone had phone on silent or switched off which is the norm for a funeral. Plus 100% respectful.

lol but it’s definitely rude

It’d be rude for a reception-only guest to turn up to the main ceremony, let alone some total randomer who didn’t even make it to the disco 😆

At my mums funeral nobody would’ve minded someone coming along for either the funeral, the wake, either or, or both. And actually I doubt anyone would’ve noticed either, nobody is taking a register!

If someone is coming to show their respects and to support the family it’s a weird thing to start getting offended about imo, I had much bigger things to worry about.

Its only rude if you do this

Yes, but legally anyone can attend a wedding ceremony held in a church, they are considered public events. So whilst it rarely happens, anybody can in theory turn up to your wedding and there's nothing you can do about it!