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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this wasn’t a joke

144 replies

FogChill · 01/05/2024 09:58

And was actually quite a nasty comment?

I have just turned 40 and I was discussing with my partner that I am likely to start menopause in the next few years. My DM had terrible hot flashes and I said to him that he’s got all of this (sharing a bed with a heater) to look forward to. He immediately said - no way - I’ll just trade you in for a younger model who’s still able to get wet.

I’m absolutely upset that he has said this to me. I can’t believe that he thought this to begin with let alone said it. He’s now furiously backpedaling saying that it was a joke and that I need to get over it.

AIBU to be upset? I really don’t think I am.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 01/05/2024 11:49

' he is over 50 '

he already has a younger wife !!!

' He said he wouldn’t cry about it. '

I would understand that as he doesn't care about the relationship he is in.

Blackcats7 · 01/05/2024 11:45

The younger model bit would be okayish but not the second part. So you are basically just a convenient vagina for him. Lovely.

Iwasafool · 01/05/2024 11:45

Barrenfieldoffucks · 01/05/2024 10:00

The trading in part I'd find vaguely amusing if you are quite a jokey couple...if DH said it I would in no way take it seriously. But the "get wet" part? Grim.

That sums it up.

MissyB1 · 01/05/2024 11:43

Churchview · 01/05/2024 11:35

The 'wouldn't cry about it' comment would have me packing his bags. Let him take his crap sense of humour, misogynist comments, limp winkle and dry eyes somewhere else.

Yep this 👆

Freakinfraser · 01/05/2024 11:41

The younger model thing I’d laugh off to be honest, but the get wet tells me he’s an ignorant pig.

Ginisatonic · 01/05/2024 11:39

Barrenfieldoffucks · 01/05/2024 10:00

The trading in part I'd find vaguely amusing if you are quite a jokey couple...if DH said it I would in no way take it seriously. But the "get wet" part? Grim.

Completely agree with this.

Churchview · 01/05/2024 11:35

The 'wouldn't cry about it' comment would have me packing his bags. Let him take his crap sense of humour, misogynist comments, limp winkle and dry eyes somewhere else.

SocksAmnesia · 01/05/2024 11:34

OP, he is a pig and that would really put me off him and off sex.

LamonicBibber1 · 01/05/2024 11:33

He's showing you very clearly who he really is. Be very very careful if you choose to ignore this .. in a few years you will probably think back to this early warning with regret, if you choose to ignore it.

His mask has slipped. I wouldn't want to be with a man who calculates a woman's worth not on a lifetime spent together, her worth and love and personality, but instead on how satisfactory she is as his fuck-hole.

He sounds like he may have a veneer of being an ok human, otherwise you'd have left by now...But ultimately he is likely just another disgusting selfish misogynistic pig. They are ten a penny.

It's like the huge amount of men who abandon their wives if they dare to get ill with cancer or something. It's a staggering percentage. Awful. Plus, is he so perfect, so sure he won't get erectile dysfunction when he's older? What a waste man.

BobbyBiscuits · 01/05/2024 11:13

I'd probably respond with 'I'd imagine anyone sensible would also struggle to 'get wet' with you involved, regardless of their youth'.
Then burst out laughing. Just banter, innit?
Is he laughing now?

SOxon · 01/05/2024 11:12

I would be wondering why I was with a man who could be so uncouth yet
consider it humour.
Fwiw you could have another 10/12 years before menopause and don’t necessarily dry up.

Women can ‘go off’ husbands post menopause, although for you,
hearing his vaginal clamping comment, this may occur much sooner

Thelnebriati · 01/05/2024 11:12

Has he apologised? Or is he just trying to blame you for not having a sense of humour?

Penguinsmum · 01/05/2024 11:12

Forget menopause....His 'joke' would make my fanny dry up like a desert!!!

ButItHasCheese · 01/05/2024 11:10

Both parts of the 'joke' are grim.

The fact that the first bit is acceptable is also grim imo.

Bananadramallamas · 01/05/2024 11:03

When your libido nosedives as well, his "jokes" are not going to make you want to make the effort for your sex life, are they. He's just shot himself in the dick.

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/05/2024 10:57

Christ, that’s awful. I’d be seriously considering my future.

KreedKafer · 01/05/2024 10:57

The ‘who can still get wet’ part is the problem. The younger model line is a standard jokey comment, but adding that second element was really nasty and personal.

I don’t believe for one moment he would laugh if he was joking about ageing and you said “No way, I’ll just swap you for a younger model who doesn’t have a limp little dick”

NonPlayerCharacter · 01/05/2024 10:51

FogChill · 01/05/2024 10:42

I did ask him how he would feel if I threatened to trade him in for a younger model every time he got ED (which is more frequent than it used to be given that he is over 50). He said he wouldn’t cry about it.

he just doesn’t seem to want to understand why I am hurting over what he said.

Well then, I suppose you could try it.

It was a nasty thing to say but if it really was a joke then it wouldn't have been intended to be hurtful and he would be apologising and reassuring you; he'd feel bad about it. The fact he doesn't care about upsetting you is the issue.

GR8GAL · 01/05/2024 10:45

Whataspangle · 01/05/2024 10:43

I don't ever find the Trading in for a younger model "joke" comment remotely funny at all anyway, even though I know it is quite routinely used. Partly because I'm a believer in jokes often revealing a person's true feelings.
In this case OP's partner was disgusting and I would be looking at him in a different light.

There is an awful culture of spouse-bashing the world over. I don't get it. If you don't like your partner and would have no qualms about this sort of joke to their face, I'd be questioning whether the relationship has the level of mutual respect it needs.

MILTOBE · 01/05/2024 10:44

Would he find it funny if you mentioned the likelihood of him having erectile dysfunction soon and that you'd leave to find someone who could get an erection?

Whataspangle · 01/05/2024 10:43

I don't ever find the Trading in for a younger model "joke" comment remotely funny at all anyway, even though I know it is quite routinely used. Partly because I'm a believer in jokes often revealing a person's true feelings.
In this case OP's partner was disgusting and I would be looking at him in a different light.

Bellaboo01 · 01/05/2024 10:42

It was clearly a jokey conversation.

But the 'get wet'......totally grim!

Original poster
FogChill · 01/05/2024 10:42

I did ask him how he would feel if I threatened to trade him in for a younger model every time he got ED (which is more frequent than it used to be given that he is over 50). He said he wouldn’t cry about it.

he just doesn’t seem to want to understand why I am hurting over what he said.

OP posts:
BurbageBrook · 01/05/2024 10:42

Wow. That's really horrible.

EmilyTjP · 01/05/2024 10:41

The wet part is gross!