To think this wasn’t a joke

Hahahah I shouldn’t laugh it’s not funny !
But why don’t u trade yours in for a new model !! His bit about being wet wud av givin me the ick !!
But I do think he was joking it makes me laugh thou when men say this like as if a younger woman wud want and old man !!! X

I agree that the last part is awful. I wonder whether he feels insecure as he is obviously much older than you, and is trying to put you down to boost his own shitty little ego.

"I did ask him how he would feel if I threatened to trade him in for a younger model every time he got ED (which is more frequent than it used to be given that he is over 50). He said he wouldn’t cry about it."

I think I'd test his own ability to get wet, preferably through tears as he watches you walk out the fucking door. What a creep.

The get wet part is just disgusting and degrading to you. It's like you're getting an opener to a whole new way that he thinks.

Excellent response. Time to hit back hard, OP.

@FogChill
As your 'D'H is 10+ years older than you, can he be so sure a 50s+ man can still attract a woman in her 30s?
He might be laughing on the other side of his face if his ED gets worse.
Some women get increased libido in peri menopause and menopause and men's libido can reduce as testosterone reduces with age.
He's not the catch he thinks he is.

Should have shot back with "you dont make me that wet anyway"

I'd be a little hurt if that was said to me.
I know what it's like to be the brunt of all the jokes It's awful.

How long have you been together? Does he have form for offensive 'jokes' /comments?
As an aside, you have probably got a long time to go before the menopause (I had two children in my 40s!), so try not to anticipate too many negative things now.

I'd tell him that you'll do the saw when he's older- trade him in for a younger model who's still able to get it up.

Does he think he isn't ageing too?

Do you think it’s normal or acceptable to negatively comment on someone’s appearance? Some you love no less? There are lines surely?

This comment is akin to saying you’ll trade your husband in for someone you want to have sex with - it’s loaded

Should she?

And if she does and it hurts him, should she tell him it doesn't matter?

The trading in comment is fairly typical humour for a lot of people sp some will find it fine and others won't.

Personally my dp and I have the sort of relationship where this common humour and we both know it is. In a similar way that there is a standing joke that I have taken out wedding insurance just in case I change my mind.

However, if you don't or one person feels sensitive to those comments then it is not ok.

The wet comment has made me gip though.

I guess you need to assess whether you would have found the first part funny if you weren't feeling so sensitive about imprending menopause and then judge whether you have over reacted or are justified in your upset.

Absolutely LTB for a silly joke 🙄. Do you ever comment on his growing belly / receding hairline / other age-related niggles?

Ew….

make sure you’re financially secure, have a good understanding of your family finances. He’s warned you

While I don’t think my dp would ever say the last part.
Proven by me already being in early menopause and him being good about exactly this type of thing and similar being part of the relationship now!

if he did say something that genuinely upset me thinking he was being funny though he’d be really upset!

it’s bad enough your partner said it but now he is refusing to take any responsibility or even acknowledge or care that your feelings are hurt. It doesn’t matter if it was unintentional he’s supposed to care about how you feel.

Hmm it sounds as though he’s at least 12 years older than you?

It’s around the time you hit 40 that the scales fall from your eyes and you see him for what he is- a sad bloke in his 50’s who chases younger women .

As an aside, the average menopause age is 51, many women don’t hit menopause until their 60’s.
Some women sail through with few symptoms.

It’s a bit daft to be all doom and gloom about the menopause / getting old when you’ve just turned 40.

I think YABU because it can be both a joke and a nasty comment at the same time, it's not an either/or thing. Jokes can be vicious. I think his crime was to misjudge how you'd receive it. It's more ignorance/stupidity rather than malice.

This is a good comparison! Totally unacceptable, not funny and absolutely gross OP!

Oh hang on, you are rhe younger model> was there a wife number one? Is that why it stings, as you know he will likely do that?

Op his reaction to you getting upset I think is also an issue here. It may well be he said something really silly and thoughtless and didn't mean it but to tell you just get over it or "he wouldn't cry about it" adds to the shit show that is him. No respect to sit you down and apologise and reassure you it was a joke gone wrong, he shouldn't have said it.. he was being silly. He's the one in the wrong. You don't need to justify being upset and abit of reassurance could go along away . Seen as it's just a joke and he wouldn't cry, put him on mumsnet.. there's alot of ppl that I'm sure could make him cry with their comments 🤣. Sending hugs op. Xx

So he’s more than a decade older than you?
How long have you been together?
I’d be wondering why he didn’t want to be with a woman his own age… or why they didn’t want to be with him

I think it probably was a joke but who knows how much truth was behind it.

I just wouldn't find someone attractive that would think it was funny. I'm good with crude and fairly offensive in the right context but that's just laddy and crass.

I have a very ‘fiery’ sense of humour and find things amusing on here that others get up in arms about - but the get wet comment is not ok.

The younger model was a joke, the comment about being able to get wet was nasty.

I’d say the only way the get wet part wasn’t an awful comment was if you were oddly moist, as in an over lubricator and it was said to be ironic (for example DH is really handy around the house, a trained electrician etc. sometimes I will joke that I’d upgrade to someone who can do some DIY as it’s hard having a useless oaf - as it’s clearly not true, if DH was an amputee and couldn’t physically do DIY that comment would be a horrible thing to say) but even then it’s a stretch.