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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this wasn’t a joke

144 replies

FogChill · 01/05/2024 09:58

And was actually quite a nasty comment?

I have just turned 40 and I was discussing with my partner that I am likely to start menopause in the next few years. My DM had terrible hot flashes and I said to him that he’s got all of this (sharing a bed with a heater) to look forward to. He immediately said - no way - I’ll just trade you in for a younger model who’s still able to get wet.

I’m absolutely upset that he has said this to me. I can’t believe that he thought this to begin with let alone said it. He’s now furiously backpedaling saying that it was a joke and that I need to get over it.

AIBU to be upset? I really don’t think I am.

OP posts:
OldPerson · 02/05/2024 19:10

Only you know what your husband is really like.

Not all men like talking about things like periods and menopause.

It wasn't really a mature approach to a conversation if launching into drama about hot flushes and "sleeping with a heater".

And you didn't get a mature response.

And now you're sulking and one of the "perpetually offended".

Not really sure what you wanted out of the conversation with your husband. But when you work it out, sit down and have a mature discussion about it.

Mum0fb0yz · 02/05/2024 19:07

FogChill · 01/05/2024 10:42

I did ask him how he would feel if I threatened to trade him in for a younger model every time he got ED (which is more frequent than it used to be given that he is over 50). He said he wouldn’t cry about it.

he just doesn’t seem to want to understand why I am hurting over what he said.

Now ask him how he would feel if you had replied "what am I getting wet for when you can't get it up anyway?"

As others have said, the trading in part is old school humour (not hilarious but meant as a joke) the other part crossed the line and was grim....

LBFseBrom · 02/05/2024 19:03

Barrenfieldoffucks · 01/05/2024 10:00

The trading in part I'd find vaguely amusing if you are quite a jokey couple...if DH said it I would in no way take it seriously. But the "get wet" part? Grim.

That's just what I thought, the 'wet' bit is so crude. I would not accept such a joke from my husband, to be honest I cannot imagine a husband talking, or even thinking, about that.

Op, you probably have a good few years before perimenopause and what I wish for you is that, when it happens, it is fairly easy. It's not a big deal for all of us.

Sort your man out! He needs telling.

Hats2000 · 02/05/2024 18:19

HowToSaveAWife · 01/05/2024 10:14

The "get wet" comment would make my vagina slam shut forever more. I don't think I could ever find him attractive after that tbh and I'd cut him loose to find himself a "younger model".

Then I'd pray to the gods of karma that he'd never get it up again.

Agree! When the time comes, go on HRT and find yourself a younger model.

Schmusimausi73 · 02/05/2024 11:54

I’d wait for the next time he can’t get an erection, then sigh and say “I got wet for THIS?”

SmileyClare · 02/05/2024 10:43

I’m not sure you can be sanctimonious about “animal slurs” when you go as “QueenBitch” 😉

SmileyClare · 02/05/2024 10:29

QueenBitch666 · 02/05/2024 01:08

Less of the animal slurs. Pigs don't behave like pieces of shit

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Erm yes by human standards, of course they do.

Male pigs will sniff out the reproductive females and force them to mate. It’s not their fault because they lack emotional intelligence.No one’s being “mean” to the cute piggies, it’s just a fact.

It’s rather apt to call a man who behaves similarly a chauvinist pig.

SocksAmnesia · 02/05/2024 10:00

QueenBitch666 · 02/05/2024 01:08

Less of the animal slurs. Pigs don't behave like pieces of shit

Show quote history

You know what, you are absolutely right. Fair point.

Newnamehiwhodis · 02/05/2024 02:48

ew. He’s gross. No one’s getting wet for a man like that. He’s repulsive

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 02/05/2024 02:12

FogChill · 01/05/2024 14:48

No, he hasn’t apologised. All he kept repeating was that it was a joke and that I needed to get over it.

Show quote history

It's a really disgusting thing to say. While it's possible he misjudged and went to far, the response of a loving partner would be to apologise sincerely and deeply for the hurt caused. A joke is only a joke if the person it's aimed at thinks its funny, otherwise you're just being nasty. He's made it even worse by not owning what he's done and doubling down on it to make out he's the victim. He should care that he's hurt you and want to fix that more than he wants to be right or whatever idiotic reason is behind him not owning his behaviour and apologising.

QueenBitch666 · 02/05/2024 01:13

I'd be taking the piss with his next ED non performance. Fucking grim bastard

AtrociousCircumstance · 02/05/2024 01:09

Time to start taking the piss about his baldness then @FogChill Because it’s just a joke, right?

Why is he being so stupid and cruel?

QueenBitch666 · 02/05/2024 01:09

Freakinfraser · 01/05/2024 11:41

The younger model thing I’d laugh off to be honest, but the get wet tells me he’s an ignorant pig.

Less of the animal slurs. Pigs don't behave like pieces of shit

QueenBitch666 · 02/05/2024 01:08

SocksAmnesia · 01/05/2024 11:34

OP, he is a pig and that would really put me off him and off sex.

Less of the animal slurs. Pigs don't behave like pieces of shit

QueenBitch666 · 02/05/2024 01:06

MonsteraMama · 01/05/2024 10:07

What a pig. Time to let him know you've had a think about it and would like to trade him in for a model with an adult brain.

Less of the animal slurs. Pigs don't behave like pieces of shit

QueenBitch666 · 02/05/2024 01:05

The get wet part. What a fucking toe rag 🤬

rollonretirementfgs · 01/05/2024 18:37

Joke or not, he sounds gross!

PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 01/05/2024 18:13

I'd just laugh and say .. don't worry I'll be on HRT and that's well know for giving high libido.. so I'll be trading you in for a younger model who will beable to keep up with me.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 01/05/2024 18:12

He's got preconceptions about menopausal women.

I suggest you take HRT and get rampant with someone else.

splatmouse · 01/05/2024 18:09

Well, I think a good response to the second part of his comment would be a simple "That's quite the self-own, dear". Or the slightly jazzier, "Ooh, self-burn. Those are rare".

This would be implying that, if indeed you couldn't 'get wet', it would be his shortcoming, not yours.

AdoraBell · 01/05/2024 17:44

I had a colleague who was divorced. Apparently her ex had always “joked” that when she hit 40 he would trade her for 2 20 yrs olds. Just after her 40th birthday he left her and moved in with a 20 yr old.

YANBU OP

Apolloneuro · 01/05/2024 17:43

Ew! Gross.

OP you know exactly what to say the next time he suffers from ED, then don’t you. See how funny he finds that.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 01/05/2024 17:37

DonnaBanana · 01/05/2024 10:16

Imagine if you said to him if he mentioned about getting bald or something “it’s okay I’ll trade you in for a new model”. Now imagine if you added “who can actually get it up” it becomes a crude dig that undermines him. So very unacceptable.

A perfect comparison. I'd use this to explain to him why what he said was such a problem.

Allfur · 01/05/2024 17:34

Ironic given how much younger you are and more likely to trade him in

5128gap · 01/05/2024 17:08

Blimey. He's no Oscar Wilde is he? He sounds as thick as a brick and twice as rough. If that his idea of humour, you must have to park your brain on the drive before you walk in. And that me putting the kindest interpretation on it. If I was being cynical I'd say he's a nasty negging piece of work that wants to keep you on your toes by making out he has better options.