Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP no longer wants S

64 replies

Whatinthedoopla · 30/04/2024 22:00

My DP has not been proactive in trying to have S, and just doesn't want to do anything anymore. I asked him, and he said it's because he is scared of getting me pregnant again.

In truth, it would destroy us having another baby, mentally and physically it would, and we had a scare about a month ago, and he said this traumatized him.

Could this be the case?

OP posts:
tellmenot · 30/04/2024 22:27

It sounds like your pregnancy scare is still on his mind. I wouldn’t second guess him. He’s told you how he feels.
Stuff happens in long term relationships…I’m guessing yours is…DH didn’t want sex after we couldnt conceive, he said he saw sex as something negative because it was tied into ‘work’ to produce a baby…not the same but similar maybe in the sense that we’d stopped just doing it to have a good time.
We got back into it slowly by not forcing it, having ‘date nights’ in when the kids were in bed like a movie and drinks, going on holiday somewhere sunny and carefree helped, but also time.

Saschka · 30/04/2024 22:26

I thought you meant your husband didn’t want your son, and I was going to tell you to LTB.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/04/2024 22:24

If S is a no go cos of P then do you use C or would he consider a V? How old are you? Do you want more K in the long run? In which case have you considered an I?

Original poster
Whatinthedoopla · 30/04/2024 22:21

Sorry, I thought I wasn't allowed to use the word sex on Mumsnet haha

We can use condoms, but he just doesn't want it saying that the reason is due to him being scared.

I guess the best thing would be to just stop trying to initiate it for a while...

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 30/04/2024 22:21

Why would another baby be that terrible?

What contraception do you (both) have in place to ensure you don't get pregnant again and would you be absolutely ok with an abortion if that failed?

foreverchocolate · 30/04/2024 22:18

I would definitely take him at his word. It sounds like you’ve both had a tough and confusing time recently. It might help to get back to basics for a bit? Just concentrate on hugging, emotional connection and not sex for a bit? Maybe work on trying to disassociate sex from pregnancy? Try to see it as just ‘fun’…do the other stuff maybe

YoureStuckOnMeLikeATattoohoohoo · 30/04/2024 22:07

He's literally told you the issue, of course that's the case.

Might be time to chat about him getting the snip.

RomeoRivers · 30/04/2024 22:06

You shouldn’t be having ‘scares’ if you’re on proper contraception.

Testina · 30/04/2024 22:06

There are a lot of issues there, not limited to you avoiding using the word sex.
Have you considered therapy? (meant kindly, not sarcasm)

JamieDee · 30/04/2024 22:06

Has heard of contraception? And you can say sex it's not a rude word 🤣

WillJeSuis · 30/04/2024 22:06

Have S. Now I've heard it all.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 30/04/2024 22:05

SEX !!!!!

JimPanzee · 30/04/2024 22:04

GrazingSheep · 30/04/2024 22:02

You can use the word sex.
It sounds as if another pregnancy would be extremely difficult for you both.

Yep! Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex!

If you don't want another baby make sure you are using contraception properly, and also your DP could consider a vasectomy.

GrazingSheep · 30/04/2024 22:02

You can use the word sex.
It sounds as if another pregnancy would be extremely difficult for you both.