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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP no longer wants S

64 replies

Whatinthedoopla · 30/04/2024 22:00

My DP has not been proactive in trying to have S, and just doesn't want to do anything anymore. I asked him, and he said it's because he is scared of getting me pregnant again.

In truth, it would destroy us having another baby, mentally and physically it would, and we had a scare about a month ago, and he said this traumatized him.

Could this be the case?

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 01/05/2024 06:55

Whatinthedoopla · 01/05/2024 06:39

What is an I?

Show quote history

I’m assuming I means implant (type of contraception).

Original poster
Whatinthedoopla · 01/05/2024 06:39

SleepingStandingUp · 30/04/2024 22:24

If S is a no go cos of P then do you use C or would he consider a V? How old are you? Do you want more K in the long run? In which case have you considered an I?

What is an I?

OP posts:
Hateam · 01/05/2024 06:31

It's only been a month.

Give him a bit of time the suggest oral?
After 2 months of nothing a blow job would be good good for him.

oakleaffy · 01/05/2024 04:32

TeaAndG
''Why would another baby be that terrible?''

Er...Because they are expensive,{childcare} put a huge strain on relationships and the op clearly doesn't WANT another!

oakleaffy · 01/05/2024 04:27

Saschka · 30/04/2024 22:26

I thought you meant your husband didn’t want your son, and I was going to tell you to LTB.

Same here! So glad it is just SEX that the husband doesn't want.
@Whatinthedoopla Men can be terrified of getting lumbered with another pregnancy - He should get a vasectomy.

Being freed from worries of unwanted pregnancy can make them a lot more relaxed.

INeedToClingToSomething · 01/05/2024 04:14

One of the absolute joys of MN is you can use pretty much whatever fucking language you want.

TheCatterall · 01/05/2024 01:34

@Whatinthedoopla and what are his reasons for not sorting out a vasectomy or discussing this with you before letting it become an issue? Is he very avoidant about dealing or discussing things in general?

Garlicked · 01/05/2024 01:27

Looks like you need this, @Whatinthedoopla. Along with an E and X key for your keyboard.

https://www.nhs.uk/contraception/methods-of-contraception/

AutumnCrow · 01/05/2024 01:26

Can you say what part of the world you are in, OP?

Most of the posters on here are from the UK, and probably in England, where contraception (many types) and early termination is more available than it is elsewhere, even in some parts of the US now.

Or are you also from the UK, and having difficulties accessing NHS services that might help? There are helpful boards on here btw other than 'AIBU' e.g. about contraception and women's health, and relationships.

Unopenedpackofmenssocks · 01/05/2024 01:22

Why haven’t you looked into other forms of contraception if you are agreed that a pregnancy is a bad idea?

JadeSheep · 01/05/2024 01:12

Whatinthedoopla · 30/04/2024 22:21

Sorry, I thought I wasn't allowed to use the word sex on Mumsnet haha

We can use condoms, but he just doesn't want it saying that the reason is due to him being scared.

I guess the best thing would be to just stop trying to initiate it for a while...

When trying not to get pregnant I never relied solely on condoms. Probs need to look at other, long term options

DPotter · 01/05/2024 01:11

There are ways of being sexually intimate without penetration don't forget

Notamum12345577 · 01/05/2024 01:10

Can’t get pregnant if you have A S!

JadeSheep · 01/05/2024 01:10

Saschka · 30/04/2024 22:26

I thought you meant your husband didn’t want your son, and I was going to tell you to LTB.

Me too! 🤣

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/05/2024 01:09

StormingNorman · 30/04/2024 22:39

If the idea of having another baby is that awful, maybe he could get a vasectomy?

This.

RollnRock · 01/05/2024 01:04

You can even say bumsex but you have to stay it out loud in a Scottish accent

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/04/2024 22:45

Is another baby on the cards ever? If not he should get a vasectomy. Takes a few months to get the all clear so pill and condoms till then. If so then pill and condoms if that would suit you both. Condoms, used properly, are pretty reliable. But the main thing is you need to talk and listen to him talk.

When pregnancy is very bad news don’t risk scares, they can traumatise anyone!

Fwiw plenty of us are in a position where pregnancy is a terrible or dangerous idea, we still have sex. DH got a vasectomy and before that we used condoms very carefully, it was fine.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/04/2024 22:43

You could go on the Pill? Depo? Implant? Mirena? Copper IUD?

RampantIvy · 30/04/2024 22:41

Condoms aren't the only option. What other options have you considered?

StormingNorman · 30/04/2024 22:39

If the idea of having another baby is that awful, maybe he could get a vasectomy?

cornflakegurl · 30/04/2024 22:38

Maybe OP thinks S is one of Mumsnet’s many acronyms??? God knows there’s an acronym for everything on Mumsnet, she’s asking for advice though on a pretty vulnerable topic so maybe we can get back to her actual question ?

AIBU section of Mumsnet can be unreasonably bitchy OP! (in case you’re new) l

Feeling traumatised and having sex don’t really go hand in hand. I mean you’ve got to be relaxed to enjoy this stuff.

I would do what the previous poster said, keep it simple and have a dinner date and romance to get back on track?

bluetopazlove · 30/04/2024 22:30

Thought my mother was talking to me from the grave .

Mumofteenandtween · 30/04/2024 22:30

Whatinthedoopla · 30/04/2024 22:21

Sorry, I thought I wasn't allowed to use the word sex on Mumsnet haha

We can use condoms, but he just doesn't want it saying that the reason is due to him being scared.

I guess the best thing would be to just stop trying to initiate it for a while...

It’s fine. You can say sex, shag, fuck, screw, bouncy cuddle, make love and even intercourse. All allowed. 😂

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 30/04/2024 22:29

I th lon ru i woul b bette t abstai the n dang o gettin pregnan
Jus m opinio

Starlightstarbright3 · 30/04/2024 22:28

Then what contraception does he want to use other than abstinence ?

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