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Original poster

To tell my husbands ex to **** off?!

237 replies

jdh877 · 30/04/2024 21:49

Hi all,

Cut a long story short. Been with husband 8 years, married for 3. Already have a child together. He has 2 boys from previous relationship. Ex is a horrible piece of work, alcoholic, narcissist, threatened me since day dot. We've always tried to keep things nice for the boys but things took a turn last year when services got involved as she was drinking again. Went from having the kids 80:20, to when social services said she was fit to parent again, she stopped my husband seeing them due to him 'taking them away from her'. She's only allowed him sporadic contact when it suits her. Just to clarify, they were removed as she was blind drunk choking on her vomit when the children came down for breakfast one morning. Social services have said she's fit to parent and need to make application to court. Can't afford a solicitor, or any of the fees due to all our savings being used for therapy for the boys and bridging the gap financially whilst they've been with us majority of the time. CMS took too long to investigate our claims so all this time my husband was still having to pay her maintenance, was warned if he didn't they would deduct from
Wages. Overall, horrible, horrible woman. Horrible horrible situation. Poor kids.

Found out we're unexpectedly pregnant, despite all the shit show of the past year or so, we're delighted. We've experienced loss and infertility so this baby is super special to us.

Obviously we've told the boys, my husband FaceTimes them regularly (when she allows). They were super excited. But obviously now their mum knows...

So tonight I've had an unknown caller calling me a fat whore down the phone (lovely) slurring words obviously.

My husband has had an unknown call telling him that's he's going to pretend he has done unthinkable things to her, that she's going to make sure he ends up in jail, that if that doesn't work she's going to harm me and our children...

I'm genuinely fucking done... I just want to tell her to FUCK OFF. but she's genuinely unhinged and I know it'll turn into something and I haven't got it in me. What the fuck do I do. It was the same with my last baby. She ruined my pregnancy and I just majorly fucking cba. She is the worst person I've ever met. And she's never going away. It's never going to stop.

Police not interested, said she's probably just upset from the news and not counted as harassment as didn't report all past instances. Said it's more of a civil issue but to ring if she turns up to the house. Feel like I'm being failed by everyone. Husband doesn't know what to do, he does everything right and she still comes back with something else.

OP posts:
Reallyxx · 01/05/2024 20:00

wompwomp · 01/05/2024 19:52

But it does give context and makes it clear that the op whilst proclaiming the ex is truest human being ever, is actually pretty lacking in moral compass and behaviour herself.

OP perhaps had you conducted yourself and your life with more morality and dignity and consideration for others you wouldn't have ended up as a cheater with a cheater as a partner and a shit show of a life

Show quote history

And op upset dh's ex is ruining her second pregnancy as she did with her first, so she can't 'enjoy' it. Pot.Kettle.black. Karma.

wompwomp · 01/05/2024 19:52

millymollymoomoo · 01/05/2024 19:37

It doesn’t t matter if op was ow and they had an affair as painful as that would have been ( if the case)

she is an alcoholic and is a danger to herself and children and is abusive to the op. That’s not acceptable and is both an immediate safeguarding issue and also an emotional abuse of the boys issues. Not ok
at all and the ex cannot be excused just because she was hurt 8 years ago

But it does give context and makes it clear that the op whilst proclaiming the ex is truest human being ever, is actually pretty lacking in moral compass and behaviour herself.

OP perhaps had you conducted yourself and your life with more morality and dignity and consideration for others you wouldn't have ended up as a cheater with a cheater as a partner and a shit show of a life

WorriedMama12 · 01/05/2024 19:52

Were you the OW? You've been together 8 years but his son is only 7?

Reallyxx · 01/05/2024 19:45

sympatheticparrot · 01/05/2024 19:05

OP were you having an affair with him while she was pregnant?

yup.shocking!

millymollymoomoo · 01/05/2024 19:37

It doesn’t t matter if op was ow and they had an affair as painful as that would have been ( if the case)

she is an alcoholic and is a danger to herself and children and is abusive to the op. That’s not acceptable and is both an immediate safeguarding issue and also an emotional abuse of the boys issues. Not ok
at all and the ex cannot be excused just because she was hurt 8 years ago

Gollumm · 01/05/2024 19:36

Keep reporting everything she does to the police and the social services. You say they didn't do anything because you didn't report before, so start reporting in order to build up a dossier of her behaviour.

Your husband needs to file for full custody.

ChocHotolate · 01/05/2024 19:23

You've been with your husband 8yrs and his youngest son by his ex is 7. Is this genuine or have you changed details for anonymity?

Doyouhonestlyexpectmetobelieve · 01/05/2024 19:07

For God sake !! Just download the application for a child arrangements order from HMCTS .. fill it in and pay your £215 .. get a bloody court order and stop all this nonsense.

You don't need a lawyer.
Most people do that themselves. !!

sympatheticparrot · 01/05/2024 19:05

OP were you having an affair with him while she was pregnant?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 01/05/2024 19:00

Contact children’s services out of hours now and report the children welfare if the police won’t action a welfare check… I cannot see any justification why both won’t carry out a welfare check.

I don’t understand how the children are back in their mothers care?

ICanFixHim · 01/05/2024 18:51

@jdh877 if she's slurring drunk and being abusive then your husband needs to be taking care of his children. If the police aren't interested then call social services out of hours now not in the morning.
What did the police actually say and do they know the children are currently in her care?

OneThreadOnly · 01/05/2024 18:50

So your husband ruined her pregnancy (with your help by the sounds of) by leaving her pregnant with a toddler and now you are complaining she is ruining yours.

you need to record every single incident with social services though, for the sake of the children.

Elephantsareace · 01/05/2024 18:43

Oh hang on, yes the dates, you were initially having an affair.

Agree the children need to be safe but have some sympathy for the poor woman whose life was blown apart by you and your husband. Stop calling her names and recognise the role you both played in this shit storm. Of course she's angry.

TakeOnFlea · 01/05/2024 18:29

Some people just can't get over the hurt caused when an OW comes along and their world is turned upside down. Especially with babies that young.

She shouldn't be looking after the kids in that state so their dad should be calling social services and also fighting for more custody of his children. He sounds fucking dreadful too.

Kat200669 · 01/05/2024 18:28

his son is 7 and you've been together 8 years? I'd pay the £300 court fee. In a realistic world, if he can't afford a £300 court fee, how will you afford another child, maintenance and what happens if her behaviour escalates and kids are taken off her? Can he afford to house them all? We had a siblings children for 2.5 years due to her 'habits' she went full circle and got her act together and now we are back into he same situation. They need permanently removed and the best option is family. The police 100% should be taking this seriously. Record her calls

Andthereyougo · 01/05/2024 17:27

littlenickyy61 · 01/05/2024 16:09

Record all phone conversations and keep a diary of events . Next time she calls and is obviously drunk phone police to do a welfare check on the children. Your husband needs to email or text
to outline the contact he would like and if she denies contact this will count against her in court - parental alienation is taken very seriously . Evidence of her denying contact is important. You can self represent at court . Cafcass will get involved and visit both households and make a report on what they recommend . Cafcass will not be ‘on the side’ of either parent they are there to advocate for the children . If she’s drinking again and picking the children up from school over the limit in the car you may need to flag this with school . Friend had a similar situation with his ex and school actually had to take car keys off her at pick up time as she was obviously drunk. Good luck and try to keep all communication in a written form that can be used as evidence as video and voice messages are usually not allowed to be used in family court situations

This. 100%.
Record everything.

WearyAuldWumman · 01/05/2024 17:18

Gazelda · 30/04/2024 21:58

I agree with previous posters. Report the messages to social services.

Do the DC have a named social worker that you could have a meeting with to find a way forward to support the children and keep them safe?

I'm appalled that you've been left in such a financial situation. Can you ask CAB to help you resolve the child support mess?

Maybe have a recorder to hand for any telephone calls too?

ETA I see that others have already suggested this.

TisButThyName · 01/05/2024 17:17

I'd phone the police and ask them to do a welfare check on the boys as the mother is clearly drunk and this is a huge safeguarding issue.

Deathbyfluffy · 01/05/2024 17:12

Beezknees · 01/05/2024 15:28

Report to SS absolutely.

I'll be honest though, I don't see how you can afford another child but not a solicitor.

Crikey, with advice like this it’s amazing people are sometimes hesitant posting isn’t it 😆

asbigasablueberry · 01/05/2024 17:09

littlenickyy61 · 01/05/2024 16:09

Record all phone conversations and keep a diary of events . Next time she calls and is obviously drunk phone police to do a welfare check on the children. Your husband needs to email or text
to outline the contact he would like and if she denies contact this will count against her in court - parental alienation is taken very seriously . Evidence of her denying contact is important. You can self represent at court . Cafcass will get involved and visit both households and make a report on what they recommend . Cafcass will not be ‘on the side’ of either parent they are there to advocate for the children . If she’s drinking again and picking the children up from school over the limit in the car you may need to flag this with school . Friend had a similar situation with his ex and school actually had to take car keys off her at pick up time as she was obviously drunk. Good luck and try to keep all communication in a written form that can be used as evidence as video and voice messages are usually not allowed to be used in family court situations

Really good advice.

littlenickyy61 · 01/05/2024 16:09

Record all phone conversations and keep a diary of events . Next time she calls and is obviously drunk phone police to do a welfare check on the children. Your husband needs to email or text
to outline the contact he would like and if she denies contact this will count against her in court - parental alienation is taken very seriously . Evidence of her denying contact is important. You can self represent at court . Cafcass will get involved and visit both households and make a report on what they recommend . Cafcass will not be ‘on the side’ of either parent they are there to advocate for the children . If she’s drinking again and picking the children up from school over the limit in the car you may need to flag this with school . Friend had a similar situation with his ex and school actually had to take car keys off her at pick up time as she was obviously drunk. Good luck and try to keep all communication in a written form that can be used as evidence as video and voice messages are usually not allowed to be used in family court situations

CharlotteLucas3 · 01/05/2024 15:56

Beezknees · 01/05/2024 15:28

Report to SS absolutely.

I'll be honest though, I don't see how you can afford another child but not a solicitor.

Are you always this helpful?🙄🙄🙄

Beezknees · 01/05/2024 15:28

Report to SS absolutely.

I'll be honest though, I don't see how you can afford another child but not a solicitor.

Iamtheoneinten · 01/05/2024 15:26

Well her behaviour can't be excused. And if she is endangering the children then someone needs to intervene for their sakes regardless of anything else. But context might help posters to understand the wider situation. Her youngest is 7 but you and your DH have been together for 8 years?

PassingStranger · 01/05/2024 14:08

jdh877 · 30/04/2024 21:49

Hi all,

Cut a long story short. Been with husband 8 years, married for 3. Already have a child together. He has 2 boys from previous relationship. Ex is a horrible piece of work, alcoholic, narcissist, threatened me since day dot. We've always tried to keep things nice for the boys but things took a turn last year when services got involved as she was drinking again. Went from having the kids 80:20, to when social services said she was fit to parent again, she stopped my husband seeing them due to him 'taking them away from her'. She's only allowed him sporadic contact when it suits her. Just to clarify, they were removed as she was blind drunk choking on her vomit when the children came down for breakfast one morning. Social services have said she's fit to parent and need to make application to court. Can't afford a solicitor, or any of the fees due to all our savings being used for therapy for the boys and bridging the gap financially whilst they've been with us majority of the time. CMS took too long to investigate our claims so all this time my husband was still having to pay her maintenance, was warned if he didn't they would deduct from
Wages. Overall, horrible, horrible woman. Horrible horrible situation. Poor kids.

Found out we're unexpectedly pregnant, despite all the shit show of the past year or so, we're delighted. We've experienced loss and infertility so this baby is super special to us.

Obviously we've told the boys, my husband FaceTimes them regularly (when she allows). They were super excited. But obviously now their mum knows...

So tonight I've had an unknown caller calling me a fat whore down the phone (lovely) slurring words obviously.

My husband has had an unknown call telling him that's he's going to pretend he has done unthinkable things to her, that she's going to make sure he ends up in jail, that if that doesn't work she's going to harm me and our children...

I'm genuinely fucking done... I just want to tell her to FUCK OFF. but she's genuinely unhinged and I know it'll turn into something and I haven't got it in me. What the fuck do I do. It was the same with my last baby. She ruined my pregnancy and I just majorly fucking cba. She is the worst person I've ever met. And she's never going away. It's never going to stop.

Police not interested, said she's probably just upset from the news and not counted as harassment as didn't report all past instances. Said it's more of a civil issue but to ring if she turns up to the house. Feel like I'm being failed by everyone. Husband doesn't know what to do, he does everything right and she still comes back with something else.

Grow up how will swearing at her help?Keep calm and business like. Be better than that. Don't stoop that low.